Becoming friends with your ex

Apr 06, 2011 8:34 AM by Lois Tarter

Posted in Love & Sex / Divorce & Breakups / Divorce

Staying Friends With Your Ex After Divorce

Once the ink is dry on the divorce papers, it seems that some exes are becoming friends with each other. I am always surprised to hear that a divorced couple becomes so close again after everything ended. I would assume that they were unhappy together and looking forward to meeting new people and finding new ways to spend their time.

(page 2 of 2)

Friends golfing

Mending the relationship with your ex

Below are some ways to heal the relationship with your ex and put the focus on a lasting friendship.

Finalize first

There's nothing like a call from your divorce attorney to send the potential friendship with your ex spiraling downward. It's best to wait until the divorce is final before you open the doors of friendship.

A walk in the park

If you plan on getting together with your ex try to only go to places that you have never been together before. Choose a place where you have no previous memories, good or bad. A local park you have never been to together: Yes. The local Italian restaurant you starting arguing before the bread even got to the table: No!

Don't bring sexy back

No matter how close you become with your ex again as friends (and no matter how many glasses of wine you have together) do not get intimate with each other. Sex can confuse any friendship, so while a trip down memory lane might be interesting, don't do it.

Not my fault

You know your exes faults better than anymore. Try your best not to focus on them and only focus on his or her positive attributes.

Happy holidays

If know your ex is going to be alone over the holidays, invite him or her over. There's nothing like loneliness during a holiday to bring back old feelings of resentment. So make it a festive time for everyone, instead.

The kids are all right

If you are picking your child up from your exes, you should go to the front door. It sets a good tone not only for you and your ex, but also your child. Remember, it's all about the kids.

More on life after divorce

3 Ways to get over your ex right now
How to start dating after divorce
Guide to life after divorce

« Previous

Tags: communication divorce exes marriage

Comments

Comments on "Becoming friends with your ex"

It's impossible for me, I can not even think of it "BFF with your ex". How could a person escape from his/her past memories and the continuous heart pain for failing to continue the relationship with whom he/she has a real love? Just 3 month back I broke up with my girl friend, last seven years, I passed my best time of life with her. And, at the last 3 months I saw her 3 times and I felt extreme pain in the heart and was crying every time while returning once meet her. So, I decided not to see her again (though I know I cant). I just still love her and my love for her becoming deeper everyday though I know she will never come back by leaving her husband.

my ex wants to be friends with me but its so hard and tricky too because when with him,i keep remembering every moment we had together which tempts me even more to have him back in my life,but because am too proud,i cant show him whats in ma heart

I think if you have kids, then yes, you have to do what's best for them and stay friends (or atleast not hate eachother) with your ex. On the other hand, if kids aren't involved, I do not at all see the point in staying friends. Obviously you loved that person, and staying friends would bring back those feelings (even if it was every now and then, why would you want those feelings coming back?). This could affect all of your future relationships and prevent you from moving on.

I think that becoming best friends with your ex is really tricky and just makes me wonder why you couldn't stay married?! I think your spouse should always be your best friend. I think it is important when kids are involved to stay on as best terms as possible, and I could see the nostalgia of a wedding bringing a couple closer again. But I also know that will not be the case for my parents! Ha

That seems so mature. I am so in love with my husband I don't think I could only be his friends. Yes we fight like cats and dogs but we are madly in love.