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Bonding with your boyfriend's BFF

Jessica Padykula is a freelance writer and editor in Toronto, Canada covering a wide range of  topics for several online lifestyle publications. She is a regular contributor for SheKnows, covering travel, style, relationships, health and...

Friendship frustration

We can’t be friends with everyone; there will always be people with whom we just don’t gel. What if that person happens to be your boyfriend’s best pal? Rather than make him choose between you and his BFF (which isn’t fair), check out our tips on dealing with the situation.

Fifth wheel

1

Try to find common ground.

Just because you don't immediately bond over a mutual love of the same band or sports team doesn't mean you won't have anything in common. You just might have to work a little harder to find some common ground. Ask your guy about his friend's work, hobbies, goals and accomplishments. You might discover that you both have an affinity for documentary films, or that you both traveled through Thailand in your early 20s. Either way, dig a little deeper to find something you two can discuss.

2Understand the history.

You may not get what your guy sees in his BFF, but you also might not understand their history. How long have they been friends? What have they been through together? The past often shapes a friendship; if they went through basic training together, traveled together or helped each other through some tough times, that bond isn't about to break. So don't get upset about the company your guy keeps; instead, try to respect their shared history.

3Don't make assumptions.

Don't assume you know how the BFF feels about you. If you have convinced yourself that he just doesn't like you, you might just be projecting your own insecurities onto him. If you've already decided he doesn't or won't like you, you're probably coming off as distant. Put your assumptions aside and give the fledging friendship another chance.

4Stay in the background.

If you really don't like your guy's favorite guy, just stay out of his way. When your boyfriend has plans with the friend you'd rather not see, make plans to do your own thing rather than suffering through an evening with someone you don't like. Having separate friends and interests is normal and healthy, so don't worry about missing the odd night out with your man and his BFF.

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