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What to do when you're not in the mood for sex

Dr. Noelle Nelson is a relationship expert and an internationally respected psychologist, author and seminar leader. She has given life-changing guidance to couples for more than 20 years.

Check out Noelle’s relationship and marriage ...

Raincheck for sex

It happens to all of us. Sometimes we're just not in the mood for sex. So what's a girl to do? Here's how to take a raincheck for sex.

Not in the mood for sex?

It's late. You're nicely snuggled under the quilt, drifting pleasantly off to sleep. Your sweetheart nuzzles the side of your neck and you snuggle deeper into the bed. He says "Ah come on, just a quickie."

Your response is:

  1. "Oh, I'd love to!" and join him for a round of enthusiastic sex.
  2. You roll your eyes, thinking "again?!" and join him for a round of unenthusiastic sex.
  3. Groan. Sigh: "Not tonight, I'm tired." You move away from him and go to sleep.

If your response is #1, you belong in the Playboy Hall of Fame and your mate should worship you daily.

If your response is #2 or #3, enough repeats of this scenario and your significant other may sniff outside his territory.

I know, I know, you shouldn't have to have sex when you're not in the mood. Agreed! And that's what rainchecks were invented for -- or when you can't or just don't wanna.

If your usual response is "OK, whatever, I guess I have to" with the ensuing lackluster duty-sex, he feels your lack of passion. He's horny, not dumb. You're better off giving him a raincheck for when you are willing to fully engage.

If your usual response is to groan, sigh, and "not-tonight" him, give him a raincheck so he knows he's not being personally rejected, just that his offer of tonight's nookie is being declined.

How to give a raincheck for sex

How do you give a raincheck? You do it with sweet promise:

"Honey, I would love to make love with you, only tonight, I can't do it justice. I want to be fully there for you when we do, cause it's so great when we're both turned on, so how about a raincheck for tomorrow/this weekend/?"

But beware -- a raincheck is only valuable if it's redeemed. You can't welch on a raincheck, that's not playing fair.

Now if you offer the redemption before it's even called on, why then you get bonus points, and that can lead to a lot more fun!

In the mean time, make sure your guy feels loved, appreciated and not rejected.
Check out these 5 ways to make your man feel special >>

 

More ideas for getting in the mood

3 No-fail ways to get in the mood for sex
Find the source: Why aren't you in the mood?
How to revive your sex drive

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