Yearning to get back together because we are lonely and hurting after a breakup is common. If some time has passed, carefully weigh if you really want him back. Do you just miss having a boyfriend, or do you miss him in particular? Do you want your ex now just because you can't have him? Don't glamorize your relationship as you look back on it. Was it healthy? Did he (or you) cheat? Is it really going to be any better or different if you get back together?
Once you have decided that you really want him back, it's time to get to work. What made him fall in love with you in the beginning? How have you changed? Have you developed any bad habits? Did you make any critical mistakes? Were you too demanding, insecure or unappreciative? If you changed (in a bad way), you'll need to work on yourself first before you have any chance of getting him back. Feel good about yourself and work through any issues. If you are going to get back together with him, you want to be healthy and baggage free.
If you've remained friends, initiating contact is easy. If you haven't talked to him since the breakup, however, then you'll have to make some effort. Don't text him or leave a message on his Facebook wall. Even in the digital age, face-to-face contact is still best. Do some investigation (don't stalk) and find out where he's going to be. Make plans to "coincidentally" be there at the same time and run into him.
If he is open to conversation, keep it light-hearted and casual. Don't get into the details of the breakup, especially in public. Let him know that you miss his friendship, and remind him of a memory together. By using your shared past to your advantage, you may be able to trigger those old feelings. Keep the conversation short and simple. Invite him to a group event in the near future, and leave it at that: "Some of us are hanging out at Ben's on Friday. You should stop by." His reaction will tell you if he's interested in seeing you again.
Crying, whining and begging isn't going to win his affections. You are just going to show him that you are insecure and needy. Men want a confident, strong woman who has her own interests and shares some of his. They don't want a clingy, desperate woman with no life.
If he's receptive the next time you see him, apologize for the things that you did wrong in your relationship and express your regret. Let him know that you have been working on improving yourself and breaking bad habits. Don't get weepy or sappy. Just apologize, and then move back to more light-hearted conversation. If he wants to talk more about your breakup (or your future), he will.
You don't have to blurt out, "I love you and can't live without you" -- but do let him know that you are interested in more than just friendship. Laugh at his jokes. Express interest in his job. Bake him some cookies. Flirt. Do what you need to do to show you are interested in trying again. If he's interested at all, he'll pick up on your signals. Though trying to seduce him may be tempting, falling back into your bed again doesn't mean that he's going to fall back in love with you.
If he makes it clear that he's not interested in getting back together, accept the breakup with grace. Move on, but keep in touch with him. Continue to work on your own personal happiness. Allow yourself to date others (even if you don't get serious with anyone else). Being strong, confident and happy without him may make you more desirable.
Love coach Carolin Dahlman discusses ways to be a happy with your single status.
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