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How to introduce your partner to sex talk & erotic role play

Aly Walansky is a freelance writer and editor based in New York City. She lives with her two Shorkie-Tzus, Scarlette and Max, and a display of pink polka-dot-themed home decor -- not to mention a selection of flavored vodka. Check out he...

Talk dirty to me

Bonnie Gabriel, author of The Fine Art of Erotic Talk, offers delightful, sensitive ways to bring role playing and fantasy games into your lovemaking.

Woman wearing bra and panties


What is erotic questioning?

"A gentle, easy way for couples to bring erotic talk into their lovemaking is via two processes that I call 'erotic questioning,'" says Gabriel.

Gabriel suggests starting by kissing or holding your partner so there is a natural flow of erotic energy between you. Slowly stroke your lover's body in two different areas or in two different ways. For example: You might stroke the back of her neck and then caress her left ear, or lightly run your fingers across his chest and then add more pressure. As you either alternate the location or the pressure on your partner's body, softly ask, "Honey, which feels better this, or this?"

Erotic questioning has several benefits. First, it's a non-threatening icebreaker for someone who may feel shy about using words in a sensual manner. Second, it gives you useful feedback about your partner's sexual desires and preferences. Third, it demonstrates to your lover that you're interested in finetuning your lovemaking so that he derives the most pleasure from it.

Role Playing

There are many delightful ways to bring role playing and fantasy games into your lovemaking, Gabriel says.

One form of role playing is to have both of you act out one another's secret fantasies. Maintaining a non-judgmental attitude toward whatever your partner reveals is important. Only then can you create an atmosphere of safety and trust that allows for a deepening of your erotic bond.

For example, if you fantasize about being kidnapped and ravished by a pirate, you might ask your partner to don an eye patch and a gold earring, sweep you up into his arms, carry you to bed and secure your wrists to the bedpost while he calls you his "wench" and has his way with you.

Or, perhaps you have a fantasy about directing or starring in an X-rated film. As the director, you may wish to instruct your lover on how to strip for the camera, how to model sexy lingerie, how to play with sex toys, recite an erotic poem, sing a suggestive song or perform a sensual dance.

You and your partner also can role-play yourselves at a different age or in a different setting than your bedroom. For instance, you might pretend to be a couple of lusty adolescents about to make love for the first time in a parked car at a drive-in movie or on a deserted beach.

The idea of role playing, dirty talk and any other sexual game is pleasure and excitement. Communicate your desires, and see what happens next!

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