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Make it a threesome with sex toys

Aly Walansky is a freelance writer and editor based in New York City. She lives with her two Shorkie-Tzus, Scarlette and Max, and a display of pink polka-dot-themed home decor -- not to mention a selection of flavored vodka. Check out he...

Introduce your toys to your partner

Adding toys into sex with your partner can take many different forms, depending on how much your partner likes to experiment. For some people, it's simply a matter of saying "let's try." Others might need a more gentle approach, such as, "I was reading on the web about couples using vibrators during sex, and it sounds fun." Here are suggestions from the experts on introduction sex toys to your love life.

 

Sexy woman in bed

Making the introduction

Some men are really quite threatened by sex toys. They may see a dildo-like toy as a replacement, or worry that their partner will get more pleasure from a toy than from sex.

Remember, the toy is just that -- fun to play with but impossible to make an emotional connection.

I'd also suggest that partners use toys on each other, giving up some control and making the encounter fun.

A little info can go a long way. For example, a majority of women need some sort of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm and that's not always possible through intercourse alone.

Dealing with insecurities

The goal is to present the sex toy as a new way to have fun, rather than blaming a partner for "not being enough." A lot of men especially, have insecurities about being replaced by a vibrator. If the relationship has insecurity issues to begin with, this conversation might bring those issues to the surface and in some case, they could worsen.

Keep in mind: the toy didn't cause it to happen, the issues were there already.

Power up

For the guys who are worried that a toy means that aren't good lovers, think of sex toys as "power tools in the sack".

Remind your man: a manual screwdriver and an electric drill do the same job in the shop, but the power tool gets that job done easier and faster.

A good carpenter doesn't blame himself for not being skilled enough to do it all by hand because he knows that you need to have the skills to use the tools well. A toy doesn't replace a partner, it just gives them more to work with.

Get her in the mood

Men can cater to a hesitant woman's romantic side with mood lighting and massage. Shower her with compliments and kisses. Foreplay is an absolute must to get her warmed up so she can enjoy the toy experience. If she doesn't enjoy her first experience, it may be a while before she is open to trying again. If she already owns a toy, ask her to use it in front of you. If she does not, I highly recommend not buying her first toy for her, unless you have discussed it with her first. I cannot count the number of times women have confessed to me that their partners bought them toys that they either disliked or hated! It's a very personal purchase.

Keep in mind, it is not a race to orgasm with the toy. Use it for foreplay, then stop (unless she begs for more). This will ease her mind that it's not a must-use -- just something fun and different. Variety is the spice of life, and this is the safest way to bring variety into your bedroom. Depending on how the experience goes, you can both decide on the frequency and length of use for future playtime.

If at any time it stops being fun, stop. Go back to foreplay and put the toy away. Be patient with her, because forcing her into this will backfire.

More on sex toys

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Report card: Discreet vibrators

Choosing your first sex toy

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