1. Each week you say, "Oh, that's right. It's Thursday. You'll be out half the night again."
2. You walk a new groove in the carpet worrying over whether your man is getting a lapdance or tucking dollars into a sequined thong.
3. You "have a headache" the next two nights.
4. You spend Thursday night on the phone with girlfriends lamenting that men are pigs, and why can't they grow up?
5. You're uncharacteristically quiet the whole next day, and reply "I'm fine, just fine" in a fake-cheery voice when he asks you if you're all right.
If you answered "Yes" to three or more of the above, it isn't your husband's "boys' night out" that's creating the rift, it's you! Or, to be more exact, your attitude.
It's healthy to need friends. It's normal to want to see them, have fun with them, and blow off steam with them. As romantic as it sounds, for wives to be all things to their husbands, and vice versa, it just ain't so. We love our girlfriends, cherish our time with them over coffee, at the spa, shopping or on the phone. "Boys' night out" is their version of chit-chat.
Men don't talk as much as they do things together. That's how guy-guy friendships bond and develop. So yes, they may go out to a strip joint, a sports bar or the pool hall. But they're not there to–ready for this?--pick up women. If your guy is satisfied and fulfilled in his marriage, he's just having fun doing things that bond him with his guy friends.
Wish him a good time, hug him when he gets home, give him a warm smile in the morning. Get interested in his friends, their lives, their work. Encourage him to share not so much what the guys did (which can come off as an unwanted interrogation), as who the guys are. What they're like.
Don't trash guys with your friends. Get a massage, rent a chick-flick, get started on that quilting project, join a book club. Whatever makes you happy and keeps the carpet from developing a new groove.
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