Almost everyone has sexual fantasies; however, many feel guilty about them and would never even think to act them out. Allow yourself to enjoy your sexual fantasies and desires without feeling any guilt. Realize that some of your fantasies will always remain just fantasies. Separate those from the ones you would actually like to experience.
To get your fantasies closer to reality, write them down. Use a diary or any old notebook. Write them out in the most explicit detail you can. Even the act of writing them down will be a very sensual experience. After you have written them out, reread them again as you prepare to talk to your partner.
Make a date with your partner. Have a glass of wine or two, take a bubble bath together and then give each other a sensual massage. This will put you both in an erotic mood and relax you enough to talk about your bedroom fantasies.
If you are married or in a long-term relationship, you should be secure enough with your partner to know that revealing a fantasy won't ruin anything. Many "normal" women have fantasies about fetishes, bondage, lesbianism, role playing, and even things such as partner swapping. Talk with your partner about your hottest fantasies and why they turn you on. Discuss which fantasies are strictly fantasies and which ones you'd like to act out. To break the ice, you can allow you partner to read an excerpt from your fantasy diary. If you know one of your fantasies would worry your partner (and you don't really want to act it out), then just keep it to yourself.
"Each of you should write down a fantasy on a slip of paper and then put it in the fantasy box," say sex expert Dr. Laura Berman. "Whenever your sex life needs a little extra oomph, simply reach into the box and pull out a slip. Alternatively, take the above tips and let your partner know what you fantasize about face-to-face."
Even if all your sexual fantasies don't come true right away, at least you'll have the peace of mind knowing that you put your true feelings out on the table. On the other hand, don't be surprised if your deepest, darkest fantasy is a major turn-on for your spouse or partner, too. You'll be wondering why you held back for so long!
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