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7 Tips for achieving orgasm

Tristan is a love stylist who, through internal and external makeovers, guides her clients on all matters surrounding falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Your Way to the Mai...

Give me an "O"

The prized orgasm: Elusive and magical. Wanted but not achieved by all female horizontal hustlers. So close yet so far. So what makes this delightfully mysterious, intangible desire so hard to capture for some? The truth is closer than you think: It's you. You are what is in the way of shouting out 'O'MG in the passionate throes of sex. Achieving orgasm is simpler than you think, though. It comes down to two primary blocks: clitoral confusion and stress. Knock down these blocks, and you will be well on your way to climactic sexual experiences time and time again.

Woman having orgasm

Befriending your clitoris

Self-stimulation

You may have heard it a thousand times before, but if you can't get yourself to climax, how can you expect your partner to? It is like asking someone to hunt for treasure without a map. So yes, this means getting cozy with yourself and masturbating. And when you do so, it isn't enough just to come; you need to identify your process so that you can, in detail, explain how you got from point A to point B to your partner.

Speak up

Now that you know the route to the treasure, you need to become confident in telling your partner where the gold is. Simply saying "up," "down," "more" or "left" probably won't cut it. You need to be really specific with regard to location, speed and pressure so that he provides the stimulation to your clitoris that actually stimulates you. Or, consider doing the work yourself while he is inside of you.

Second base

While he is down there, you may enjoy the act of caressing your breasts. Your breasts, no matter the size, have an impressive network of nerve endings that create a playful erogenous zone. Further, stimulation of the nipples can result in an extra release of oxytocin, "the love hormone," which will enhance your orgasm.

Relax!

Unwind

Relaxation is key. Unlike men who can have sex and reach orgasm anywhere, any time, any place, under any conditions, women are wired differently. If you aren't relaxed and detached from the stresses of the day, your chances of achieving orgasm are significantly decreased. Therefore, determine what calms you -- be it candles, a hot bath, deep breathing or a glass of wine -- and then commit to getting in that relaxed zone before attempting to reach that coveted "O."

Create your "O" environment

You need a space that breathes sensuality to you. Experiment with different types of music, lighting, videos in the background, mirrors and so on. Creating an atmosphere that turns you on will make you feel equally inspired and at ease.

Time out

Often, a woman feels guilty that, as her partner is attempting to help her climax or she is trying to do it herself to finish simultaneously with her partner, it is taking a "long time." Well first off, know your facts: The average male takes five to 10 minutes to climax, whereas the average female takes 15 to 20 minutes. So sit back, relax and know that it is going to be awhile.

Let gO!

Sex is meant to be a natural intertwining of two energies. If you are stiff or are concentrating intently on the possibility of an orgasm (or lack thereof), your body will fight climax and actually begin to produce less natural lubricant, making the goal harder to achieve. So, just lie back and slip into the moment, allowing your mind and body to accept the natural gift of orgasm.

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