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How to end the non-relationship

Tristan is a love stylist who, through internal and external makeovers, guides her clients on all matters surrounding falling in like, falling in love and falling into bed. She is also the author of MENu Dating: Taste Your Way to the Mai...

Non-boyfriend break up

How do you break up with someone you're not actually with? Read on for advice on ending a non-relationship.

Woman ending relationship on phone

He's not even your boyfriend... !

The non-relationship. It looks and sometimes even feels like the real thing... but it is definitely not. You've never had "the talk." You don't introduce him to anyone as your boyfriend; you've never met his parents. He doesn't check in with you and you don't ask questions; you're not on his holiday card list and he would never be your plus one to an important work function. You get all of the easy, fun stuff with none of the complications. The rules seem simple until you're over it. Then what? How do you break up with someone you're not actually with?

First, take a deep breath.

This is so not a big deal. In the realm of relationship dilemmas, this ranks pretty low, so don't stress. Chances are, he is feeling the burn out too and is also ready for the finale of your dead-end relationship.

Phone or in person?

For a real breakup you should always to be considerate of where and when you do it (i.e. not when they are having a bad day, not over the phone, etc), but for the non-relationship, orchestrating it with such precision shows you had more invested than you actually do. Phone suffices for this scenario but skip the text message approach since you want to make sure your message definitely goes through.

Honesty policy.

Your non-boyfriend deserves to know the truth about why you are ending it. Deliver a simple, clear message such as that you are seeing someone exclusively now or you are looking for something more fulfilling. No details required.

To be friends or not to be friends?

The aftermath of the non-relationship breakup depends on whether you were originally friends that started sleeping together, or strangers that fell into bed and became friends, or never friends at all. The easiest way to measure friendship potential is to plainly decide do you want to hear about the new girls in his life? If yes, then by all means!

Tech cleanse.

Now that the deed is done, if staying friends is out, it is time to delete your now ex non-boyfriend from your life, permanently... which means literally erasing him. Wipe him from your cell, your Facebook, email and so on. To make room for the new, you need to completely let go of the old.

Stay strong.

No matter how lonely the night, how tipsy your head or how hollow your heart might feel, unless you left your non-boyfriend on non-relationship reserve, fight the temptation to rewind. As you go to reach for the hidden number you stashed under your bed during the tech cleanse, remind yourself why you ended it in the first place, burn the number and move onward and upward to something more prosperous.

Related video: Summer flings

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