Men are all over the map on the cleanliness scale. Some are total slobs, while others are neat freaks. But, don't let impeccable grooming and a squeaky clean apartment fool you: Under that perfectly coiffed cut and woodsy scent may lurk a nose-picker, or worse... a rogue toenail clipper.
Disclaimer: When I write stories about men, my husband thinks people will assume they're based on him. So, I would like to clear his name and make it known that he's only guilty of a few of these (not the really gross ones). Luckily, I've actually never lived with serious offenders. My dad has been known to hand-wash the floor while wearing knee pads. My brother wouldn't share the same tube of toothpaste because I didn't squeeze it properly from the bottom.
Umm, newsflash, dude: When you clip your toenails, they don't just disappear into some mystical toenail land. Those suckers post-clip are sharp as knives and could easily harm your lady friend, guests and pets. Don't leave them in a pile on the coffee table, either. Organization does not make this less foul. Here's a genius idea: Try a bathroom and a garbage can.
Speaking of nasty things being flung around at full speed and "disappearing" — ugh! Tissues: Please get a box!
No one is drool-proof, especially during cold and flu season. But some guys are just out of control. Learn to use your nose when you breathe — and stay away from the pretty pillows!
We know you see those tiny trimmings all over the sides of the sink. It's time to take some responsibility, man!
Some men take pride in having really offensive, faint-inducing gas. Save this "fun" for your college buddies, not cuddle time on the couch. And if you always emit fumes that smell like toxic waste, lay off the milk or see a specialist, puh-lease! (P.S.: Dutch ovens are not funny.)
What are the reasons behind the constant scratching and shifting around? Take it down a notch, bud.
Ahhh, the sweet, irresistible scent of an old ashtray (insert gag sound here). Ladies prefer men with fresh, minty breath, pearly white teeth and a general distaste for lung cancer.
Do not blame this on waking up in the middle of the night and being too groggy to see what you're doing. No one's asking you to pee into the opening of a soda can, for goodness sakes. It's a big bowl — just aim straight for the middle. And then put the seat down when you're done, k?
Living in a dump is acceptable when you're a freshman in the dorms. But a grown man with an apartment that smells like a locker room is a major deal breaker. Scrub those dirty dishes, toss your empty pizza box collection and invest in a professional cleaning service ASAP.
Women are all about sharing food on date night, but not when it lands on our faces. Eeew. Remember what you learned in kindergarten. Chew, swallow and then talk!
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