Are You A Cougar?

Men want a woman who is grounded, confident and mature -- but they often can't find that in their own age bracket. On the flip side, women want a man who is ambitious, attentive and attractive. Given those variables, it's only logical that the older woman-younger man relationship can actually work. Here are some ways "cougars" and their "cubs" can make love last.

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The pitfalls


If you enter a relationship with a younger man and he has made it clear that it's just casual — don't ever expect it to be anything more. Many younger men are not interested in a long-term relationship yet. If you fall in love and he's just in it for sex, you are going to get hurt.


A younger man may not have the financial stability that you are used to in men that you date. Be wary if he always wants you to pay for dinner or asks you to buy him things. Unless you are looking to be a "sugar mama," don't let yourself be used for money. Though in any relationship, you don't need to be on the exact same level economically or socially to make it work. As long as you communicate well and are on the same page about what you want out of the relationship, you have a shot at success.


Even if you aren't a predatory cougar -- that is, a woman who hunts down young men and has her way with them sexually without any longer-term goal -- people may assume you are when they hear about your relationship. Therefore, be aware that some friends, family members and associates may judge you. But remember: If you and your partner are satisfied, don't allow yourself to get caught up in the gossip and stigma of being a cougar.

Get past the hang-ups

Women don't need to marry men just to survive economically anymore. Therefore if you are attracted to a younger man, don't be hung up on his age.

"For a long time we've been fed this idea that women should look for a man to take care of her, a man that is more educated, has a better job and makes more money," Sandra L Caron, a professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine, told the New York Times. "That might be fine and dandy if you're in high school and have this fairytale Prince Charming. But when you look at adult women, most are self-sufficient and they don't have to look for that."

When looking for a partner (whether for a casual relationship or something more), keep your mind open as to what is the right type of guy for you. Let friends know you're okay with a younger guy in case they want to set you up -- and on online dating sites, expand the age range for potential matches. You may find happiness where you least expect it.

Believe me, the older woman-younger man relationship can be very satisfying and long-lasting. My husband is 14 years my junior, and we've been married for eight amazing years.

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Comments on "Older woman, younger man: Benefits and pitfalls"

Jesse December 15, 2013 | 6:10 PM

I would love for an older woman to approach me and talk to me but I do not believe in outside of marriage but I'm not square either.My interests are music,birds,lakes,ocean waves,trees,art galleries and shopping malls.I live alone and I go out on the town if I have nothing better to do at home.

Jana September 10, 2013 | 7:58 AM

...thank you..thank you..for the comments most of all as they are real comments.. I am 35 years old and never ever would have crossed my mind having any kind of relationship with a younger man.. I would normally go for one much more older than me..which now being 35 is getting a bit too old..especially in the bed recent partner 11 years older than me, was having problems ehm..getting it up.. ok fine that's a past now, but I recently met up with my cousin and his friends..which already my cousin is in his 20's so were his friends..and one of them..was trough the night hitting on me? It felt strange at first, I did look at him thinking yes a good looking boy..but not ual, I have two I have some reserve..but he would not stop..and there was something..still is there is a spark.. but I feel like I am sick? Am I or is it ok for me to give it a go? We are talking on the phone, texting etc. I am still making a fun out of it,but on the other hand I do find him very ually attractive..and we might be going out and who knows what will happen afterwords..we know each other for 3months now..but we talk, meet up..nothing else.. I think from my part of I find it strange..but he is very attendive to me..broke up with his girlfriend and is very much pushing from his site.. it is just me who feels a bit stupid and him always telling me not to count the years.. so I am going out with him for dinner next week..we are taking a day away.. I want to but still feeling stupid doing so.. I only gave him one kiss once.. normally I would be all over the guy having already..but this time is different.. well we do tease each other with photos..but that is all.. So do you think I should go all the way?

C.Ant July 05, 2012 | 6:23 AM

I'm in a ual relationship with a young man 22 yr younger.He just what need he's there to meet my ual need and his ok with doing that 3yr

J. Dickson April 17, 2011 | 8:39 AM

It works if you want it to. My wife and I been married 43 years. She is now 74 and I am now 62

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