You really like him, but your gut is telling you he's in it just for the sex. Probably you can trust your gut, but just in case: Here are 8 more ways to help identify his motives.
He just wants one thing... ?
We've all been there: Sleeping with a seemingly great guy whose motives we can't seem to figure out. Maybe he's giving mixed signals or no signals at all. Either way, something in us makes us wonder if he's in it just for sex. Well your first clue, should be your trusty gut, but maybe your gut isn't so trusty because it is wrapped up in insecurity. Ugh. In that case, here are eight more clues that may help you solve the mystery of whether your lover is interested in you as more than just a bedmate.
WARNING: The truth of these clues may sting, but better to know where you stand, than to lay down for too long with the wrong guy, right?
1. Weekday lovers
If your guy has a virtual do not disturb sign up sign up on the weekends, this is a clear sign that he is reserving weekends for someone else on his literal to-do list, or keeping his options open to meet other women. "When a girl is just a girl I'm into for sex, I'll never ask her out on a weekend. Weekends are strictly reserved for A-listers and new opportunities." – Mike, 27, Chicago
2. Sporadic contact
A guy who is really into it communicates with you regularly. A guy who is in it to sex it, calls, texts, emails and pops-over only when he is feeling frisky and knows that you will indulge his desires. If the sight of your man's name on your caller ID surprises you, chances are, this is a sex only situation.
3. Invitation to nowhere
You never get invited to anything – his friend's birthday party, his work happy hour, not even a lackluster dinner and a movie. Bottom line: "Dates" are always cozy nights in. Why? Because that is the easiest place to, you guessed it... have sex.
4. Time's up!
You spend just enough time together for a little foreplay, sex and maybe a nap. Unless there's time and desire for a round two, a sex-only motivated man will vanish like a thief in the night before you even have time to nuzzle into little-spoon position.
5. Late-night lovers
A sure in-it-for-the-sex-only sign is when your man only reaches out to you after hours, when the day is done and quite possibly last call has been shouted. Although he coos for you sweetly on the other end of the phone, perhaps begging for your hot body, just know that you might be on a long list of lovelies, any of one of whom can satisfy his sexual cravings for the evening.
6. Tangoless texts
The sex-only guy is remorseless when it comes to leaving your texts unresponded to for hours - even days - and sometimes doesn't respond at all... unless of course you are reaching out to setup a boudoir appointment. And in that case if his RSVP his positive, his reply back is immediate. Same goes for phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, tweets or any other form of communication.
7. Sexy speak
You two speak one language: Sex. And that's it. If you think hard about it, you may know everything about how he likes "it" but you have no clue where his parents live, what he wanted to be when he grew up, the food that makes him gag, if he has a middle name. There's lots of moaning and groaning but no chatter about work, family, friends, problems, triumphs, etc. Sam, 31, of New York says, "A woman who presents herself as a sexual showpiece will be treated that way. Come to the table at the very beginning with more than just the ability to blow me away in the bedroom. Blow away my mind too and that way I'll consider you relationship worthy. You don't have to play like a virgin, you just need to offer more than T&A."
8. He said so
He told you straight up that he doesn't want a girlfriend, doesn't have time for a girlfriend, can't deal with a girlfriend... and just wants to have casual fun. It is up to you if you want to listen... but remember, most guys don't want to deliver news that women don't want to hear unless they really mean it. Justin, 24 from Oakland says, "Know who you are and be in charge of what you want from the beginning. If you leave it up to me, then I'm probably going to go for what is easiest... and that's never a relationship."
My granny told me when I turned sixteen that no guy would ever buy the cow when he could get the milk for free. She was of course correct. And while I was raised hopelessly old fashioned in the end I was glad I listened to her advice. In college three of my girl friends gave into their boy friends and all three got pregnant the first time they had sex. Two others got sdt's because they believed their boy friends when they said they were healthy and hadn't been around that much. If a guy just wants you for sex he is a punk and too cheap to pay for it. Have a little self respect. I worked in an almost all male department and the guys would ask me dating advice. And guess what no guy is ever going to marry a girl that has been around the block. They all have that marry a virgin/nice girl fantasy. Sure they will go out with you if you put out but marry no way. If your feeling horny get some dark chocolate and a good vibrator, you'll still respect yourself in the morning. Sex should be about more than just physical pleasure and if a guy can't see that, and just wants to use you then he's a jerk and will never change.
Cara June 11, 2010 | 7:00 PM
Love the article - straightforward and funny... but the video is AWFUL! An older lady with a mini dog?! Are you kidding me? She has no credibility with me. The dog is really distracting and maybe I'm being agist but it is uncomfortable to hear about sex from a woman as old as my grandmother. Plus love in 90 days... puhlease.
1. Weekday lovers
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