Share this Story

Do kids kill your sex drive?

Melissa Chapman and her brood of three live in the urban concrete jungle of NYC. She writes Kids in the City Kids in the City a weekly column and blog for the Staten Island Advance, contributes to SheKnows, Time Out NY Kids Time Out N...

Sex? After kids?

We appear like the typical married couple except we have a dirty little secret: For the past four years we've had someone in our bed with us (and no it's not as kinky as you might think).

Co-sleeping

Baby in the bed

It all started innocently enough. I made the fatal flaw of allowing my 12 month old baby boy (the last child I knew I'd carry in my womb) to fall asleep in my bed before I transferred him to his crib. Why did I not simply put him in his crib to sleep? That is a really good question, which I've asked myself each night over the past four years as I attempt to get in a few zzz's with a small foot on my head, waking up with bruises from all the kicking and then, of course, there's the obstacle to intimate relations with my husband.

But I digress.

Let me set the scene. Initially when we'd put my son in his crib, he would cry so much that we gave up. The only way we seemed able to get our son to sleep peacefully through the night was to let him fall asleep in our bed and then transfer him to his crib.

quotation mark open After poring over third grade math word problems, making sure my son finishes every last bite of his dinner, wrangling kids into the shower, making sure they brush their teeth and finally getting to bed -- I've got about two ounces of energy left for even the contemplation of sex. quotation mark close

Sleep comes before sex

This unconventional bedtime method worked for a solid three months. And then, on day 91 of our slightly cockeyed bedtime routine, he started waking up and crying immediately upon being transferred to his crib. We thought crying-it-out would work, but it didn't.

And thus began our co-sleeping arrangement, which four years later is now firmly a part of the routine. Now that he's five, there are some nights that my son will start in his bed, but within an hour he'll wake up in a state of complete and utter panic, on the verge of vomiting. (And did I mention that he he's one of those kids who is all skin and bones and cannot afford to be throwing up any food we can manage to get down his gullet?)

Yes, this arrangement has put a major wrench in our sex life.

Doesn't it go without saying... ?

So back to my question: Do kids kill your sex drive? (Or is it just me?) In my case -- after poring over third grade math word problems, making sure my son finishes every last bite of his dinner, wrangling them into the shower, making sure they brush their teeth and finally getting to bed -- I've got about two ounces of energy left for even the contemplation of sex. Couple that with the reality of having a squirmy little boy sandwiched between us for the bulk of the night, I'm not scrambling to make whoopee.

My husband and I need a new game plan. One that will not involve me doing vomit-stained bedsheets at 2 am, and hopefully one that will allow my husband and me to reclaim our marital bed... I'm just no good at quickies. Got some advice for me?

More on Sex after Kids:

Restart your sex drive
10 Ways to make time for sex after baby
Why have I lost all interest in sex?

Recommended for You
Comments
Hot
New in Love & Sex
Close

And you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the My Feed .

SheKnows is making some changes!