Take yourself back to that magical week (or two, if you were exceptionally lucky). Maybe you buried your toes in the sand as the steel drum played and you sipped Cuba Libres. Perhaps you curled up by the fire after a long day on the slopes and soaked in the hot tub. Wherever you were, memories of your honeymoon probably bring a smile to your face... and maybe make you wonder how life got so complicated. Here's how you can turn those honeymoon memories into a daily reality.
Kerry Hamm is a licensed clinical social worker with a practice based in Denver, Colorado. She reminds us that financial issues are at the heart of many arguments in a marriage. "But, on a honeymoon, money really isn't such a contentious topic," she says. "That usually happens as the marriage progresses and the responsibilities of life start piling up." Although you can't ignore financial topics altogether, it's important to make sure you are on the same page to avoid habitual arguments.
On your honeymoon, were you much more willing to forgive your husband than you are now? In those first few weeks after saying "I do" it seems your hubby could do no wrong. Then, life happened and his flaws and mistakes suddenly seem magnified. Bring yourself back to that time when his little idiosyncrasies were endearing and not annoying and when "I'm sorry" actually ended a disagreement.
Lisa Thomas is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified clinical sex therapist, and licensed clinical social worker based in Denver, Colorado. She stresses the importance of weekly dates with your husband. "Dedicate an hour a week to an intimate date and an hour a week to an emotional date," she says. "Emotional and physical connections are equally important in a marriage, so you need to address both on a regular basis." The time commitment is minimal when you consider that these dates help avoid really significant marital problems.
Take 30 minutes to an hour weekly to discuss the business of running a family. "Talk about schedules, financial commitments, expectations, special events and other significant topics," advises Thomas. "You want to make sure everyone is on the same page." This meeting helps you isolate deeper topics and encourages the family to tackle challenges together, essentially helping everyone to avoid sporadic arguments that take the spark out of marriage and waste precious time.
It's no secret that a honeymoon invites us to relax, let go of everyday burdens and really connect with our spouses on an emotional and physical level. This means lots of sex. "On a honeymoon, couples share a euphoric feeling that really draws them together," says Hamm. "They are focused on having fun, enjoying each other and exploring life together as a united team." Don't underestimate the importance of sex in a healthy, exciting marriage.
"Couples that have recently returned from their honeymoons are full of excitement about the future," says Hamm. "They've spent time talking about their dreams, goals and interests and are eager to tackle life together." Define your shared interests and take time to enjoy them. Whether it's travel, baseball, camping or photography, having an activity that you both love will keep you connected and give you something to look forward to as a couple.
Brides setting out for the honeymoons are often plucked, waxed, tanned and beautified to the hilt. Then, they get home and sometimes fall into a rut. Bring back that honeymoon heart throb by making an effort to look pretty for your husband. While perfection is not a realistic or healthy goal, you can still put on his favorite dress, a dab of perfume and maybe even a flower in your hair every once in a while. He will take notice and you will feel great about yourself, just like you did on your honeymoon.
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