The Naked Truth

After 11 years of being a full-fledged member of this institution we call marriage, I can say with total and complete certainty that at this point I'm fairly convinced my husband could care less about whether or not I can fit into a pair of skinny jeans. In fact, 95 percent of the time, if I walked around draped in a potato sack, it wouldn't illicit much of a reaction from him. As I write this, I'm not quite sure whether the fact that the shape of my body has no bearing on him is actually a good thing. Is it that he loves every last inch of me or it that he's just quietly resigned himself to living with a wife who has no interest in doing stomach crunches?

Of course, when we initially met, as we rollerbladed in NYC's Central Park, me in my Daisy Dukes - hair perfectly coiffed and my face decked in full-on eyeshadow and shimmery lip gloss, he told me shortly thereafter that although he was enamored with my skill on blades, my jean shorts, may have fueled his lustful gaze.

But let's slow down here a second and put things into perspective. During our initial courtship I was the polar opposite of the woman I am today. I was a carefree, unattached 20-something, whose biggest concern was paying my rent and feeding my MAC cosmetics addiction. And that whole "fitting into Daisy Dukes thing," well back in those days, being that the bulk of my paychecks went to my exorbitant Manhattan rent, I subsisted solely on Diet coke and takeout Chinese egg drop soup.

Fast forward 11 years, two kids, the latter of which was a C-section, which has left me with a permanent kangaroo pouch, and an affinity for shoveling in my kids' leftover meals, (heck, how can I possibly toss half-eaten chicken breasts and Kraft macaroni and cheese when there are kids starving in other parts of the world?!), I don't think I could possibly manage to fit one leg into an entire pair of skinny jeans.

Of course I wasn't always the hausfrau I've recently morphed into. After our first child was born, I was incredibly cognizant of every morsel I consumed -- determined to keep my thighs as cellulite-free as I could. I was committed to getting into that coveted tight pair of jeans at all costs and even attempted a few fad diets in order to do so… They didn't work. But then I had my second child, and the responsibilities of motherhood, coupled with the usual round-up of deadlines, homework, play dates and, yes, one too many pieces of butter cream frosted cake on the kids' birthday party circuit, pushed getting into a pair of tight jeans slightly lower on my list of priorities.

Do I care? Only on the rare occasion that my husband and I both happened to be watching TV together (usually we retreat to our respective places in the house -- where I can get my fix of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker and he whatever sport is being televised -- although I think he'd draw the line at curling). Lo and behold we were front and center for the Victoria Secret Fashion show, where models vamped it up in barley-there bras and panties. My initial reaction was to grab the remote and change the channel, but then I waited to see what my husband's reaction would be to these perfect specimens of the female persuasion who could give any of us moms a run for our money.

I'm not going to lie -- I saw his eyes widen a bit as a bronzed, raven-haired, Brazilian "Angel" swept across the stage, spilling out of a barely-there push up bra. Oh, did I mention that "his look" is dark-skin and I'm just about the pastiest white girl on this planet who needs to slap on SPF 50 when just the tiniest bit of sun pokes through the clouds? But I digress... For a moment, my heart sank as I looked down at my attire: A pair of my grandma's finest flannel pajamas and my hair in a bun.

So I asked him point blank, "Do you wish I looked like that," a question no husband would dare answer with the statement, "Yes, actually you could stand to lose about 20 pounds." He said, and I quote, "Honey, you are still as beautiful and sexy to me as that first day we met when you went rollerblading in your shorts and eyeshadow." OK, so now I know he's lying, or at the very least stretching the truth, but I'll take it.

So does your husband really care if you can fit into skinny jeans? Probably not. And that is why God invented elastic.

Tags: skinny jeans

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Comments

Comments on "Does your husband really care if you can fit into skinny jeans?"

Amy June 09, 2012 | 4:13 PM

My husband of 45 years could care less if I fit in skinny jeans. He wouldn't even care if I ran completely nude. He hasn't cared about me since weve been married let alone what I was wearing or not wearing.

Amy January 09, 2012 | 2:26 PM

My husband could care less about me or any thing else, espicially skinny jeans. I could probably run around with my stuff hanging out and he wouldn't care, he would never notice. He cares so much for me that he moved downstairs and built an apartment, started working nights and arranged to get his weekends mid week. Yep!!! he really cares about me, RIGHT. In all the years we have been married he hasn't done one thing for me.

Cathiejeanm September 10, 2011 | 10:06 PM

Truthfully, some women look far worse in skinny jeans. I've seen very skinny girls with tiny butts, wearing skinny jeans, and it makes them look severely out of proportion. I would think a guy wouldn't be turned on by that look either. Women should spend more time researching the right kind of clothes for their specific body types. When a guy can't get enough of MY butt and legs, more than fantasizing about someone else, or wanting to look at porn, THEN I'll believe him when he says he doesn't care about my size.

Gayla March 31, 2011 | 5:01 AM

I call my husband "Mr. Obvious" - there are times when he's downright rude with the comments he makes about women on TV. I finally put my foot down and told him if he had any hope of watching football on a regular basis he'd learn to keep comments to himself or get in his head the cheerleaders are "ugly girls" - He's a few years older, but his position is "men are pigs - always have been, always will be, D.E.A.L. with it." My position is "get one of those attractive women to come fetch your drink, fix your dinner and rub your back." :) By the way, I've never "questioned" my own appearance - until I married him. I have my opinions on why he is that way - but those aren't for sharing publicly.

Shaunasee October 24, 2010 | 2:46 AM

Ok one, men don't really notice unless they are erractically into fitness themselves. Two, Tammy, if a man's willing to go to someone else because of a little bit of flab, he wasn't worth it anyways. p.s. you need some serious counseling because you are HUGELY BITTER!

Ace April 27, 2010 | 10:17 AM

It depends on the guy. If he works out an keeps himself in shape he would probably value his wife to be fit as well. If he has let himself go then he does not value fitness and should not expect the same from his wife. Most couples I see working out at the gym have the same level of fitness/attractiveness.

Barbara April 26, 2010 | 2:20 PM

Nope.. he doesn't. He married me at my heaviest and I lost some of it but not much :) 35 years later - I am still a little skinnier than when we married - but he has never seemed to mind the ups and downs :) And we sound a lot alike -- Millionaire Matchmaker and all :)

luvmy2girls April 21, 2010 | 11:41 PM

Tammy, I just want to add that MOST men aren't so shallow that they base there relationship SOLELY on physical attraction.. My husband isn't.. IN FACT, we have BOTH put on a few pounds, SO WHAT are u saying he is gonna leave me because I have gained some weight? I hardly doubt it.. My husband would NEVER jeopardize our relationship or risk losing his family to take a ride with a skinnier younger model.. We have children together for crying out loud.. Would your husband risk losing his family to get a lil action on the side from a skinnier prettier gal? If so, I'm sorry to hear that, BUT mine wouldn't so please when u speak of shallow men DON'T include my husband to be one of them....

Tamara April 12, 2010 | 6:14 AM

Tammy, You seem very bitter and perhaps you're using just your own experiences to profess to know what ALL husbands/men think? Also? It's waist, not waste.

Tammy March 15, 2010 | 1:14 PM

20 years of marriage and a degree in Sociology (study of human behavior) tells me that I am not wrong when I say that attraction is a big issue, one that can and will cause a relationship to fail if it is ignored. Some men are attracted to overweight women, most men are not. Men have a habit of telling women what they think they want to hear, which is not always the truth. I have no doubt that he will say he is attracted, and that it doesn't matter what you are wearing... but if he is honest he will tell you it does matter. So, if you all want to believe the sugar coating, soak it up. When you find yourself single again you will know why.

MaNiC MoMMy March 10, 2010 | 8:51 PM

I think Melissa's right. Just as we women most of the time still feel like we are 18 (I do anyway!), even though our bodies are telling us that we are ... well, ahem, however old we are, our husbands don't look at us like the maturing women we are becoming. Thank God for that. Men just like something to grab onto between the sheets!

Tamara March 05, 2010 | 7:18 AM

Oh? And it takes more than a woman gaining weight for a man to cheat. The number one reason men AND women cheat? Lack of intimacy in their current relationship. It's also statistically proven that when men do cheat? The women are usually not knock-out model types by any means and sometimes they are even less attractive than the spouse is. Look it up. ;) Keep your man happy, feeling loved and taken care of? Let him know he's needed, wanted and loved? He won't stray. They don't want drama anymore than we do.

Tamara March 05, 2010 | 7:15 AM

Ah, Tammy? Please don't profess to speak of all men, huh? My guy tells me every day, multiple times a day he finds me beautiful (even though I've put on some weight, wear my hair in a bun and fuzzy pajama bottoms) and loves every single inch of me and desires and wants me more with each passing day. Trust me, if my outspoken guy had a problem with it? He'd tell me.

kelly March 03, 2010 | 5:28 PM

In my relationship, my hubby has gained the weight, and regardless of the fact that I gave birth to 5 children in 6 years with 4 c-sections, I have made it a commitment to myself to stay fit. I want hubby to get fit and trim and I know he is happy that I am, for a variety of reasons, not just appearance.

Amanda March 02, 2010 | 5:33 PM

Ah so Tammy, we should all flip out and try to keep ourselves as thin as possible so our husband doesn't get a girlfriend on the side because we gained a bit of weight? Oh but it is okay for him to be fat and lazy right? Please. People gain weight sometimes, it happens. If that's all it takes for a guy to start cheating, then he's not much of a man to begin with.

Julie February 26, 2010 | 2:57 PM

While mine doesn't complain when I have the baby-weight on, he's also the first to hand me a very nice gift card to Nordstrom and tell me to call my sister and go shopping for new jeans. He loves me no matter what, but he really loves me in my skinny jeans.

Kimberly/Mom in the City February 24, 2010 | 1:41 PM

I think many husbands so, but my husband is oblivious. I know that I have gained weight, but he thinks that I look great (he likes me having a butt!). I'll just count myself lucky!

Elane February 19, 2010 | 5:51 PM

My husbands told me that there is nothing wrong with my size but on the slick he'll tell me that I've gain some weight so that told me alot. One that he lied and the other he is comparing it to someone but I can't put my finger on it.

Tammy February 19, 2010 | 1:08 PM

Wrong. He cares, he just is keeping it to himself. Until one day it gets to be more then he can bare to look at the flab that has grown around your waste and decides to find a little something on the side. This is reality folks. You gain weight, he gains a girlfriend.

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