10 Things every woman should demand from a man

Tristan Coopersmith
Jan 28, 2010 2:15 PM by
Posted in Love & Sex / Marriage & Relationships / Dating

Your Non-Negotiable List

Each woman has her own completely legitimate set of criteria - can't have back hair, must have health insurance, should have twins running in his family, loves to rollerskate, is George-Clooney charming, prefers wine to beer and so on. But there are certain conditions beyond honesty, respect and good communication (the trifecta of any relationship foundation) that every woman, no matter what your taste in men, deserves to have in her life's co-pilot. Here's a checklist for what you should demand from your man.

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Butterflies, still.

When apart for a few hours or a few weeks, for no pinpointable reason, reconnecting with your man ought to give you the warm-and-fuzzies, even after countless kisses, unlimited hand-holds and hugs galore.  Maintaining the butterfly feeling is proof that your guy is putting forth the effort to keep romance alive.

 Freedom.

Freedom is an excellent indicator that your man trusts you. Freedom comes in many forms – freedom to have a girls-only weekend in Mexico, freedom to explore a new career, freedom to be alone – all of which circle back to your man trusting your decisions and giving you space for your own growth.

Utter adoration.

Inside and out, every quirk, every "flaw", every everything about you should be understood and adored by your man. Never should you feel the tendency to be a chameleon, adapting to what you think he wants you to be. You should already be everything he needs. A good guy will go the extra mile to make you feel great about your insecurities.

 A safe place to be 100-percent YOU.

In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe, liberated and loved enough to be who you are – all the dimensions of your being – all the time... figuratively naked. So if that means you are a buttoned-up badass by day and someone who dances around singing into a hairbrush by night, so be it. A forever-guy will not only allow it, he will love it.

Patience, generosity and consideration.

These are the triplets of kindness, each one of equal importance. Patience means he can deal with tension calmly and productively, looking at life's challenges as opportunities to teach and to learn. Generosity of mind, spirit, heart, wealth, time – anything you want to share (even dessert!) – your guy must want to share equally with you. And finally, your man should be considerate of your feelings, your time and your goals. He should be considerate of how his decisions impact you.

Tack these demands onto your mirror and use them as affirmations. The right man will come along when you have the courage to stand your ground. Hey, it's your life and your every happiness, right?

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Comments on "10 Things every woman should demand from a man"

Ree Ality February 13, 2013 | 6:02 AM

That's right ladies shoot for the moon! DONT SETTLE!!! He won't be your first, or third or tenth - that's OK, guys could care less about that(right??). Besides seven of them didn't count cuz we weren't dating. Those 15 extra lbs you put on since college? - more of you too love. That flakey indecisive "ill go out with you unless I think something better is happening" crap - it just makes him respect you more. All you "guy friends" plugged into you phone, FB, Email, he won't know some of them are ex's, FB's or prospects. Those snickers and grins he gets as he trots you into the bar won't give it away. Even if he does that just shows how, cough cough, special you are. Yes ladies, you bring so much amazingness to the table you deserve the very best.

Solomon Rodriguez July 27, 2012 | 10:16 AM

Yeah this woman should get her head out of the clouds and realize we are in a troubled economy. This sounds like idol worship of a woman. Sorry but I have three kids to support and any woman that wants to be a part of my life needs to understand that much of my money goes minto supporting my beautiful children. A woman will also need ti understand that there may be cancellation of adtes here and then due to my children being sick or whatever comes up. The true key to peace and happiness is when you stop "WANTING". Woman like this will never be satisfied even if their men worship them, it's called unbridled wantonness.

Bri February 06, 2012 | 8:32 AM

Nikki is right. these men do exist. i'm lucky to have a man that meets all of these things in flying colors as well. I'm working on being a good girlfriend now. Don't forget to respect a loving man and not take him for granted. Trust him, trust yourself, communicate honestly all the important things (and don't forget about privacy) and your relationship will last.

rev nitro January 15, 2012 | 6:27 AM

Wow, just wow. First off, yes respect and the right to be who you are are key in any realtionship. The whole material concepts here, shaking my head. I have seen poor couples stand be each other thru a lifetime, yet what i see here smacks of greed painted as practical, thats not love. Don't demand of someone that which you can't return in the same fashion. I would add one more to it, a honor and respect of ones word. Much like the eroding marriage fiasco in this society, if someone breaks there word to another, just think what they will do to you...

Anon December 13, 2011 | 6:03 AM

This is just another example of why so many women get Charlie Sheened. Think about it; only 5% men meet this criteria and if 100 % of women demand this from their men, then the great majority of women will have to share their parnters with other women or settle for one night stands which is what usually happens. I've seen it happen so often that your average Jane thinks your average Joe is not good enough for her so she meets Mr. Right and tells all her friends about him how good looking and rich he is, what a big d*ck he has but little does she know that he was with hundreds of other women before her and will be with hundreds of more after. And when reality finally sets in, Jane starts to blame Mr Right's unfaithfulness on men everywhere even though your average Joe would have been perfectly content with Jane. But you can't blame Mr Right can you? Why would he commit to a woman who only cares about how well he "performs" in this criteria? So that 10 years down the road when he starts slipping with age that she'll divorce him and take all his money? So that if she'll cheat on him on a "girl's night out" with a guy who does meet her criteria? So that she'll make him work his ass off to support her "needs" and then complain why he gained weight and can't be as buff as he once was while she lazes around the house doing nothing like Judith Harper? No, it's a lot safer for him to be promiscious. Guys - Never have a long term relationship with a woman like this; this criteria is only the tip of the iceberg and even if you do satisfy all her criteria, these type of women are greedy and never satisfied and before you know it, there will be more and more demands. Believe it or not there are women out there who will accept you for who you are instead of how well you "perform tasks". Girls - Throw this trashy article out the window and focus on whether or not you're happy and love the guy you're with. If he loves you back, won't cheat on you or abuse, why do you need to draw up a list of criteria to impress your girlfriend? Focus on what makes you happy not what some 2nd-rate deprived columnist thinks.

Shafiya January 15, 2011 | 12:50 AM

criteria, relationship foundation very important.

Pam October 01, 2010 | 9:53 AM

Although this was geared toward women, I believe the author intended to mean that this works both ways. What is expected by one, should be expected by the other. Don't forget that this site titled, SheKnows, where the intended audience is woman, even though it pleases me to see that men read it too!

Jonny September 30, 2010 | 11:12 AM

The general picture I get from this is to be interested and make an effort to love your woman. So men make sure that you actually like her, otherwise you'll be brewing a mediocre relationship. Yet the trouble with lists like these is that what people say they see in others is actually a reflection of their own souls. It's tragic watching my friends incorrectly screen each other. Men and women, focus on being the right person, that's all you have reliable control of. Then take a risk when it's looking good.

Sam September 23, 2010 | 11:49 AM

I really like this list. If someone (particularly guys) don't agree with it...fine. It wasn't written for you. I am dating someone new right now and he fulfills most of the list. It's new and I just got out of my marriage so I am not expecting a lot from my new guy but so far, he is almost 10 for 10. He might be a keeper. If the guy really likes the woman, he will love everything about her. If she's doing crazy things that you can't get down with as a man, then get her some help or don't talk to her...duh. 5 STARS for a great list! This is my new mantra as I venture out on my new dating journey. :D

Cat September 05, 2010 | 7:52 PM

I think think they have to be honest and be who they really are and not try to put on a show that is not really them. I found out my ex was a bit of closet drinker of hard alcohol and when I confronted him, he blew up at me and told me I was full of it....When you point out your vulnerabilities, they should respect them and not use them to hurt you. Boy, was I with the wrong guy. But I would say honesty about things that really matter has become a top selling point for me.

melody August 04, 2010 | 7:53 AM

i thought this kind of relationship was pure fiction once and then i met Devon. and believe me when i say this... this kind of relationship is what i have lived everyday for the past eleven years. i still miss him when he goes to work, i still remind him 2 drive safe when he leaves, he still randomly buys me a rose every few months, we still make time for each other through various mom and dad only camping trips, dinners, and movie nights, we still have the best i have ever had in my entire life, he still looks at me with respect and love (and sometimes lust lol) in his eyes, and no matter what, i know that i will always love him and he will always love me. our secret??? i personally think its because we're not married and we're open with how we feel about things that the other does. oh dont get me wrong!!! we fight sometimes a few times a week, but the difference is, is that we grow with every fight we have. some fights will never end (like how his mom is a psychopath and how he simply hates my dads opinions) but over all, our love boils down to just taking the time to talk about each other and not get defensive when a flaw is pointed out. instead we recognize that the other person is not out to hurt us, but is only trying to help the other person grow.

JP July 28, 2010 | 1:18 AM

Ummmm....I'm just guessing but I bet the person who wrote this article has never had a relationship lol! Seriously, this sounds like a Disney movie or something, it's very unrealistic :( Real life is rarely this good cause most people just suck it...

JM June 24, 2010 | 6:26 PM

Um, ya, that'd be great! It is important to maintain your convictions about how you want to be treated. If one "settles" out of sheer desperation, both people are gonna be miserable. I'm waiting on God instead of doing it on my own, this time around. Peace!

Nikki June 18, 2010 | 7:03 AM

I am so lucky to have a boyfriend that met every one of those requirements. They do exist girls...they just take awhile to find

Jost May 28, 2010 | 9:32 PM

And women wonder why men are afraid to commit...it's crap like this. I guarantee the woman who wrote this doesn't do half this stuff for a man.

Joe Blow May 28, 2010 | 5:57 AM

This is moronic. Why does EVERY woman deserve all this? Does the divorcee that cheated on her husband with her husband's best friend deserve this? Or how about the chick in government housing that puts her children to sleep with NyQuil so she can hit the clubs without having to pay for a babysitter (true story)? Am I supposed to "utterly adore" that little quirk? I hope whoever wrote this list didn't get paid for it.

pablo May 14, 2010 | 6:11 AM

Good grief, The thought of being tied up with the self-absorbed, narcissistic, high-maintenance woman whose "standards" are described in this post is enough to send me screaming. At the level described here, what could she possible offer that would be adequate in return? My experience has been that woman who demand worship from their men are likely to despise them for it.

linda May 02, 2010 | 6:19 PM

am so tired of this do's and dont's..makes me all confused..

Hapana March 10, 2010 | 7:19 AM

Amazing!Finaly we got an article to please us 7&6 is the key for a long lasting relationship.however iam 15 years yunger and iam very happy with my boyfreind. ,,,,,cheer up girls""""""

thabile mabitsela March 03, 2010 | 6:07 AM

Hahahahahahahaha....so true!!

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