10 Signs he's cheating on you

Posted in Love & Sex / Marriage & Relationships

Is He
A Cheater?

Studies reveal that 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at one time or another during their marriage. Often the women in their lives have no clue what they did. You need to have some basic knowledge to protect yourself. So how does one spot a cheater? Here are 10 warning signs that your man may stray... or that he is already cheating on you.

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Jealous woman listening on husband's phone converstaion

5He recently lost his job

Unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel vulnerable, especially if the job was important to him and defined his identity. When a man doesn't feel so good about himself, he may boost his self-esteem through an affair.

7He is spending less time with you

You're watching TV; he's on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late. You're in the same house but not really together. If a man is organizing his life to spend less time with you, it doesn't really matter whether he has met someone. Behavior like this signals a distance that becomes a breeding ground for infidelity.

8He is being less affectionate

Perhaps he doesn't cuddle with you in bed anymore. Or he comes to bed fully dressed when he once slept nude. These are all ways of disconnecting and may indicate he is getting his intimacy somewhere else.

9His computer habits have changed

Check his computer's browser history once in a while to see where he's been. A new and secretive email account would be a red flag. A new email account doesn't necessarily mean your significant other is having an affair; but it becomes more likely if he is not willing to share the content of the account with you. 

10His cell phone habits have changed

Lastly, beware of new cell phone habits. For example, he suddenly gets a new phone with a password lock. Or perhaps now he keeps his cell phone in his pocket when in the past he would leave it on the counter. Or maybe he used to make calls and send texts while you were around, but now excuses himself each time the phone rings.

Dealing with infidelity

If your suspicions have been confirmed - and it turns out he is (or has been) cheating, we turned to some experts for advice on how to deal.

 

quotation mark open65 percent of unfaithful couples end up remaining together.quotation mark close

The first step in dealing with infidelity is to recognize whether your relationship should be salvaged, explains relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle.  "65 percent of unfaithful couples end up remaining together," she says, adding that with the right help, their relationships can become stronger than they ever were.  But getting there requires commitment and help from a therapist. Though devastating, Carle explains that cheating can actually be a blessing in disguise. "I contend that cheating is the best thing to happen to a shaky relationship because finally, a couple will be shaken enough to decide either to mend their love or end their love," she says. 

Dr. Sharon Rivkin, MA, MFT and author of Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy, also advocates getting professional help (if you've decided to remain in the relationship), but also suggests looking at the patterns of behavior and argument frequency that set the relationship up for an affair in the first place. "When you start getting to the root of the affair, clarity sets in, and you can decide if you want to stay or leave.  But until you really address these questions, it could happen again," she says.

Ultimately, how you deal with a cheating partner is up to you, but do something - don't just let the situation hang in the air without resolution of some kind.

Tell us:

Would you stay with a cheater?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

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Comments

Comments on "10 Signs he's cheating on you"

jen May 13, 2013 | 10:13 PM

I am not sure if he's cheating. We have been married 2 years and he's showing all the signs. We have 3 kids together and I ask him all the time. There is no ever and he says that's not important. I'm so scared. I'm y and back to a size 3 after the third child. I'm laying here while he's fast asleep so hurt and confused.

tomicT May 13, 2013 | 4:30 PM

You're "hoping he can change"? Wow! Why waste your time with someone you hope will someday change when you can spend it with someone you hope NEVER WILL?

Christy April 09, 2013 | 3:31 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 2yrs now. I found a picture of him on the internet with another woman on the back of his motorcycle. The picture had the license plate so i compared the two before i even said something. He still denies it! I am so heated..i love him and i want to run the other way and take a stand but for some reason i find myself staying. I know he loves me but in order for me to have closure on this whole thing and start over he needs to man up and tell me the truth. I know it's going to come to me calling this woman. Yes, i have her #. I am feeling ever kind of emotion right now. Usually i am stronger person than this but i love him & want to make this work. I'm sure i'll be kicking myself later for staying..my friend said "A leopard can't change their spots" i guess i am hoping he can change. Wish me luck.

Arabella March 30, 2013 | 9:19 PM

I am currently going through this whole mess of infidelity. I am engaged and we have a son together. I know the woman who he is cheating with. We have spoken several times but have never seen one another. She tells me every time they meet or have . I feel so empty now cause im at my witts end. I want to make it work because I am still in love with him and we have a child together, but I know I deserve better. The crazy part is, I know exactly whats going on and he still refuses to admit what he is doing. I have no idea what to do anymore. :-(

breezy March 14, 2013 | 6:49 AM

While I understand many of the points some of the commenters have made, I am very wary of those that make excuses.If your marriage/relationship is not working, fix it don't use it as an excuse to cheat.The foundation of any relationship is a willingness to work at it on the part of BOTH parties.Relationships are hard and require work.People are unique and complex and their needs vary ,there isn't a handbook on what your individual partner requires, which is why honest communication is vital.If your hurt your wife doesn't appreciate you (or you think she doesn't) tell her.If you would like your husband to spend more time with you or give you time to yourself,tell him.Yuo'd be surprised how different your perceptions of your relationship can be.

roseingram March 06, 2013 | 11:21 PM

The CHEATER is the cheater. And a man who cheats is THE ONE who's cheating. Be a grownup and get out of the relationship that isn't working and look for one that does. If SHE cheats SHE'S the cheater. Own up to your responsibility for your own actions. When YOU do something it's YOUR fault.

tina shegog February 25, 2013 | 4:19 AM

i think my partner is cheating on me he use to tell me who he was talking to when he is on the phone and everytime his phone goes off and its a msg i ask who the msg was from he says its an update of something on his phone but i know the sound of a msg and he had a real estate lady try and get it on with him he says he wasnt interested but he has her phone number still and he has changed his password on to his e-mails but he knows mine i show him all my msgs he even checks them if my phone goes off and i am not in the same room what do i do

Priya February 22, 2013 | 7:32 PM

I have always said I would leave him if he cheated. It is a tough decision to make. I have always suspected but knew in my heart I will find out for sure one day. That was two days ago. I now understand temporary insanity! I need to cool off first but I will definitely leave. Trust is gone!

Danochka November 18, 2012 | 5:37 AM

Me personaly don't trust any men ! I date them for fun and plesure only! Buy not getting to close is a perfect approach for me :)! Been hurt twice and I won't allow it to happen again :)

Eva September 09, 2012 | 11:47 PM

Worst list ever... i'm sure there are other better signs than "he recently lost his job" or "his computer habits have changed"

bmoore July 28, 2012 | 5:32 PM

I am finally engaged to my friend of thirty plus years and I am estatic that he finally gave me a ring and asked me to marry him. I recently found out there is an erectile problem that we are dealing with but sometimes I feel as though he is cheating with another female but he says he is not. When we do engage it is awesome as he does everything to make sure I am happy. Is this me feeling insecure since I lost my job and he only gets disablity, tries to help when he can but I know he has cheated before when we were younger and dating. I am praying that this is not the case because how could he when we have to work so hard to be happy together.

Pumie July 17, 2012 | 1:43 PM

I'm way over my head about my partner and we're not even married, and marriage is not even on his mind, I think. But if he did cheat on me, that would be a very low blow for me, how would I ever trust him again? And to me trust is an important cornerstone in a relationship, without it, there is no relationship, I'd give him another chance to prove himself to me, but if he blows it again, then its over, I can't deal with all the emotional, physical and mental strain again.

Julia July 05, 2012 | 8:51 PM

I had a 3 or 4 year old child at the time of his cheating. Paying rent bills and everything else by myself was just too much to think of doing. I did not want to be alone or have my daughter and son without a man in the house. I saw the "other" woman as the enemy and i still do. My husband was very honest and upfront about the fact that he was married and this woman took it upon herself to do everything she could to break up my family. Her goal was to get rid of me and replace me with herself. I fought like hell and placed my husband OUT of the picture. this woman had made a decision to have with a married man and get me out of the picture Hell if I was going to let her win. I got rid of her and am with my husband two years later. Its one thing to break up on your own terms for other reasons but to hand a victory to a b--ch who had started the game with the premise of getting rid of you and then actually handing her the victory she worked so hard for is something I would never do. I have some resentment that that happened yes, but I still need my man. Its a lonely cold world out there. A man protects your home, and your body and your emotional health.

amber best April 09, 2012 | 6:20 AM

I will not stay with a cheating spouse because then the trust is gone. You will always be wondering where or what he's doing or going. then there would be competition on your behalf meaning you are constantly going to be trying to figure out what you can do for him so that he can realize that are just enough and all that he needs. But,, after he has already cheated nothing you do or say can make him feel the same way about you again.

amy December 15, 2011 | 7:17 PM

Ok its pretty good. But a lot of those so called signs go along with working a lot raising kids working more than one job. You can just be exhausted and show those signs.

Steve December 04, 2011 | 3:56 PM

As a very experienced guy and knowing a lot of men who cheat and a lot who don't.... I would comment that 6, 7, 8 are not very good indicators.... the reality of long term committed relationships is that partners have different interests, different behaviors, and life crises like career changes happen.... It's very unrealistic to expect nightly cuddling, intimacy on demand, and spending every leisure minute together after 6 plus years of every day living together... unless you are emotionally 16 forever.... things change, we become older, we have our own interests... it's natural. Being a long term commitment guy that would never dream of straying, I can tell you that the last thing a strong adult man wants to hear is an accusation about 6, 7, 8.... cause reality is, if it's right, that he sees the value in family, love, commitment, and fidelity.... forever... and while the good love will slowly calm down into an ever smoldering romance.... this kind of guy bet his life on you, and you can count on that... even if we like blogging a couple hours a day as opposed to watching every episode of Desperate Housewives with you.... Really.

Ramona June 06, 2011 | 1:44 PM

What do you think?

susie August 13, 2010 | 4:50 PM

@Paul...the woman is no longer intersted in the relationship and does everything to push the man away. So when he cheats, she has the grounds for divorce, and a hefty alimony. I've always wondered why more men don't ask about alienation of affection...she took the same vows, and broke them first.

Paul April 27, 2010 | 6:07 AM

I have just read through this list and I feel the following needs to be said. Why does it seem that people always blame the man for the term cheating? Does the women (wife) play any part in the mans decision. YES YES and Yes. How is a man supposed to constantly love a women that seems to be uninterested in him. How is it she won't find the small things he does as contributory to a relationship? Why does she get to move on instead of working on and with the one they married. Why must she be insulting to him and his ego? When women ask why is he considering another women perhaps they should ask themselves, what am I doing to help him find her? Do you make him feel important, do you love him, do you care about him, is he important, is he boring, are you boring, etc etc. Why are you unhappy? Is he unhappy for the same reason? Not sure why it's so important to identify the guy as the cheater, the label stinks and women just seem to love to push the label. Men are not perfect, but neither are women. Why not try to be his girlfriend instead of a negative part of his life. Men hate the label cheater, but also feel the women pushes them to this extent with there massive and unnecessary unhappiness displays.

Concerned April 06, 2010 | 12:59 PM

What about 10 signs SHE'S cheating on you? Looks like this list can easily apply to both es.

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