Is He
A Cheater?

Studies reveal that 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at one time or another during their marriage. Often the women in their lives have no clue what they did. You need to have some basic knowledge to protect yourself. So how does one spot a cheater? Here are 10 warning signs that your man may stray... or that he is already cheating on you.

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Jealous woman listening on husband's phone converstaion

5He recently lost his job

Unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel vulnerable, especially if the job was important to him and defined his identity. When a man doesn't feel so good about himself, he may boost his self-esteem through an affair.

7He is spending less time with you

You're watching TV; he's on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late. You're in the same house but not really together. If a man is organizing his life to spend less time with you, it doesn't really matter whether he has met someone. Behavior like this signals a distance that becomes a breeding ground for infidelity.

8He is being less affectionate

Perhaps he doesn't cuddle with you in bed anymore. Or he comes to bed fully dressed when he once slept nude. These are all ways of disconnecting and may indicate he is getting his intimacy somewhere else.

9His computer habits have changed

Check his computer's browser history once in a while to see where he's been. A new and secretive email account would be a red flag. A new email account doesn't necessarily mean your significant other is having an affair; but it becomes more likely if he is not willing to share the content of the account with you. 

10His cell phone habits have changed

Lastly, beware of new cell phone habits. For example, he suddenly gets a new phone with a password lock. Or perhaps now he keeps his cell phone in his pocket when in the past he would leave it on the counter. Or maybe he used to make calls and send texts while you were around, but now excuses himself each time the phone rings.

Dealing with infidelity

If your suspicions have been confirmed - and it turns out he is (or has been) cheating, we turned to some experts for advice on how to deal.

 

quotation mark open65 percent of unfaithful couples end up remaining together.quotation mark close

The first step in dealing with infidelity is to recognize whether your relationship should be salvaged, explains relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle.  "65 percent of unfaithful couples end up remaining together," she says, adding that with the right help, their relationships can become stronger than they ever were.  But getting there requires commitment and help from a therapist. Though devastating, Carle explains that cheating can actually be a blessing in disguise. "I contend that cheating is the best thing to happen to a shaky relationship because finally, a couple will be shaken enough to decide either to mend their love or end their love," she says. 

Dr. Sharon Rivkin, MA, MFT and author of Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy, also advocates getting professional help (if you've decided to remain in the relationship), but also suggests looking at the patterns of behavior and argument frequency that set the relationship up for an affair in the first place. "When you start getting to the root of the affair, clarity sets in, and you can decide if you want to stay or leave.  But until you really address these questions, it could happen again," she says.

Ultimately, how you deal with a cheating partner is up to you, but do something - don't just let the situation hang in the air without resolution of some kind.

Tell us:

Would you stay with a cheater?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

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Comments

Comments on "10 Signs he's cheating on you"

Marie March 13, 2014 | 8:34 PM

When you find out for sure it feels like someone kicked you in the stomach. It feels like your heart stopped beating. It's like that dream where you're falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground, but it's all out of your control. You can't trust anyone. You're life has changed forever and the only thing to come out of it is that no one will ever hurt you like that again. You will never trust or respect that person ever again. You will never forget that kind of betrayal. He never respected you. You deserve better. Everyday I think of how different it could have gone down under different circumstances. The first relationship, I didn't have a child. Now, I have a child. It's scary, I'm older. Fifteen years with this guy and he never respected me, he spent his time looking for something better. So much time wasted. How do you deal with that? It's fine when you're young, you have so much time, but when you get older, it's, it's... I'm afraid. But not a day goes by that I don't think about what he did, and how many other women he's had. I don't trust him, but I can't make it financially on my own. I have no family or friends to help me. I feel like I'm stuck in a situation and I'm drowning.

kc February 24, 2014 | 3:46 AM

Hi, I got engaged last year and things were really good between us. it all started when I had to move back home for work, he would be online and not talk to me for the whole day and for which he couldn't before. Then we had a miscarriage things started to be worse. no texting, no calls during the day, I would sometimes get" dont come home this weekend" so I really think something is up. he is behaving strange, short tempered. I really love this guy.......PLEASE HELP

rebecca February 17, 2014 | 12:56 PM

I caught my husband cheating RED HANDED. I Hired an investigator and bought a GPS tracker. caught him in the act i recommend them for any hard working wives out there with a cheating man

Carollia February 15, 2014 | 3:56 PM

I was with a cheater before, I didn't have any proof, just knew it, he had cheated before, excellent liar, his dad was a cheater...I wanted out of the relationship but couldn't..till I found the proof, feel bad but relieved. Now I'm in another relationship, have my doubts, it's long distance, some days he just compliments me all day, then he says he's going over his friend, that he'll call me--so I shouldn't call--I have a feeling those are the days...I might just be my past coming back to torture me with insecurities

Sheri February 10, 2014 | 11:41 AM

I know mines a cheater, the computer and phone give it away, just gotta find a way into his computer can some help me out...I deserve better we all do

faith wanjiru February 04, 2014 | 12:35 AM

a husband who cheats on you is wasting your time. he deserves to be left. once a husband cheats His love and respect ends then. although you will stay with him you will never forget. no wonder the bible gives it the only reason for divorce. he is not worth any one. he is the most stupid and naive person. i hate such men. they burry you alive.

adriana taylor February 02, 2014 | 5:29 PM

i have been with my daughters father since i was 13 years old. And he has always cheated i guess i let him cheat me out of life cause im now coming to 35 years of age and i feel like i have been living a bad dream over and over again. is it true wen they say believe Ur instincts??

Regret2 January 30, 2014 | 9:58 AM

On December 27, 2013, I confirmed my husband was cheating. After 20 years, with a married, 24 year old cocktail waitress with three kids. I knew something was up, but found his phone and for the first time ever-checked it. Deleted call history. Went on-line and checked our account, Nearly 100 texts messages and more calls than I could count. I nearly lost my mind. He tried to lie, lost his job (they worked at the same place) Oh, don't let me forget, the husband works at the same place. Now I have a deadbeat in my house and we are broke.

Zebra January 28, 2014 | 9:01 PM

Its really hard living in a relationship and knowing that your partner is cheating. what makes it more difficult is that you leave that relationship and go into another and still have the same problem as it seems as though 90% of these men are also cheaters. This big question here is ...what do we do..do we walk away and live alone? I have seen many females who are 50 and over living all by themselves and would love a companion now.. We all deserve better than being cheated on...BUT the reality is most men and most relationship do suffer this. Whats the solution???

Regret January 17, 2014 | 10:21 AM

The foundation of any good relationship is trust and respect. If you don't have that, whatever you try to build will collapse into ruin. It is better to walk away when you are young than when you are very old, like me. Sadly children often know what is wrong way before we admit it and they suffer the most. They grow up to marry the same type of person or be that type of person. A person that lies, much less cheats, is incapable of emotional intimacy. It is like living with an android programed to tell you what you want to believe but having nothing inside to back it up. When I accidentally stumble upon his secrets, it is so shattering I feel like reality has exploded. Every time he attempt to calm me down making profuse apologies that it was only once and will never happen again. This time I kicked him out. I am terrified because I don't know who or what he really is. How deep does it really go? Now that he is gone, I just take it one day at a time not knowing where this will take me. Honestly I believe a lie detector test in the only way I would ever trust my husband again. Happiness begins with self respect. Another person does not make you feel happy or secure especially if that person is a liar. Ten years ago I foolishly believed my love could change the world. I know I can't change anything outside of myself now. This is the place to begin, with me. I know that I am a very good person deserving of the good things life has to offer.

sophie January 04, 2014 | 3:17 PM

I have been in a committed relationship for 4 years, engaged 2 years. On the serface it seems very ok. We respect one another's space, we're both community involved, active people. Last year I discovered he had been actively searching on various s, and on chat rooms. This progressed into the sites escalating to xxxmeetmme tonite, girls in your area, and I know he has secret accounts. He comes and goes at will, sometimes he'll leave at 4 and return at 7, strange patterns, never has an answer for where he's been. Itellectually I know he's cheating. But I keep telling myself we have to much to lose over this addiction...BUT if there's no honesty, and he has the best of two worlds, I guess that says it all. I hope someone will write. I keep wishing I could see what he's wrting on these secret emails, but what's the point. The heart knows. The sad part is I am intelligent, fun, caring, and it's all about . Maybe not...I read it's more about the thrill of getting away with it.

vampire December 30, 2013 | 8:44 AM

i have recently found out that my bf was cheating on me . i used to ask him if he is having an affair but he denied and said why should i go for other girls when i have wonderful girl like u. but , i was still suspicious because he kept his phone in car while sleep at home, he said he has overtime work. oneday he gave me his phone to ask the parcel delivery to rebook while he was late for his work. i was checking the delivery ref number but suddenly got my eye on a new name in text messages. holy lord, he havent texted that long messages to me but was texting to the other girl .....since it was in polish language he thought i will not know what they were texting. but i used google translate to translate each and every text they were sending each other. i was so furious while translating . i sent her message from his phone to stop sending him text or stop being around him. but that f,,,,kin b####h was taking it so cooly. i got more angry and sweared her. when my bf was back from work i confronted him . he was not sorry at all. he said because i did not talk with him for 12 days thats why he was feeling lonely and took her to the movie. i told him to get out from my house. but he did not and hugged me . i still feel the pain. i dont know what to do .....i love him so much.

FATIMA December 28, 2013 | 10:45 PM

Hello !! I'm 24 and I've been in a relationship for 8 years now, I loved him with all my heart and i still do. I've noticed that a few years ago it was ok for me to check his phone whether msgs or pictures etc. but suddenly he started to get panic attacks whenever i set next to his cell phone. Last month i discovered a girl's name on his snapchat "bestfriends list" and when i confronted him he said he doesn't know her and that they haven't sent anything to each other (which i know is big fat lie !!!) but i told him i would give him one last chance !! so i did my invistigations and found out he had her on instagram as well. so when i asked him again "while shouting and crying" he said he lied and she was his cousin's friend and decided to get to know her better :) So i did what was right, after giving him another chance to justify what he did: I BROKE UP WITH HIM AND TOLD HIM TO GO F*** HIMSELF I DON'T REGRET IT AT ALL !!

jan g. December 24, 2013 | 7:10 PM

I am a 65 year old lady who is involved with a man for 5 years. He is a long haul truck driver and has been married twice before. I now live with him--but it has been very empty at times. He is always gone for the Holidays when he really does not have to. Never calls to wish me anything. Always asks me what I want for Xmas--and then leaves for the Holiday and never really gets me anything anyway. He does however; come back for New Years eve--as that is his birthday and expects me to be there for him. What is going on in this picture? I think I know, but just want someone to tell me.---Jan

lorisa guzman December 21, 2013 | 9:33 AM

My husband and I have been married for almost a year and we've known each other our whole lives went to Elementary school thru high school together but we only started dating 3months before we got married, we figured it was a sign that we connected so well and our family's were close and we always liked each other but we're too shy to initiate anything into we were 26, well point in we were having some arguments and he was feeling some type of way I decided to check his email and found out he was flirting with a girl we both work with and her cubicle is right next to ours, I'm very hurt heart broken and feel betrayed, I confronted him and I found out the day after it happened he said everything he said was because we were fighting and none of it meant anything he offered marriage counseling, and apologized but it's a month later and I feel like I'm the one trying the most and still no counseling has come into our marriage. I don't trust him but I love him we have a family and I don't know what to do.

Char December 08, 2013 | 2:59 PM

People repeat behaviour again, again n again The layers that make that person and dictate their behaviour means one of their flaws is cheating If you stay in that world you'll always stay in the hurt and pain Make the break, move on, build your self esteem, surround yourself with family, friends that love you and you trust There's nothing wrong with you, a cheat will always cheat on every person they're with Build your happiness, heal your hurt and learn from your lessons Only then down the line will you attract the right person Build a friendship and get to know their behaviour first Don't repeat the same mistakes in life Or God will keep sending you the same lesson until you learn it X

Cristy December 07, 2013 | 7:28 PM

You should tell him what is he going to do while he's out and if he lies to you dump him

faith November 25, 2013 | 9:13 AM

Ive been with my husband 34 years and 2011 found out he was cheating but he said he stopped and then recently found out he was seeing her plus another and he tells me again he was not seeing anyone !! 'So he says he want to go to counceling without divorce hanging over his head and im doubting him plus he said he would stay at home on weekends but he has complained that i dont trust him ! I raelly don't think he is being honest with me and trying to minipulate by saying things.

Eve October 31, 2013 | 6:00 AM

I am 46 and he is 33, I met him 4 years ago. I was divorced at the time when we met. I fell pregnant after 4 months. He didn't have children so I decided to have the baby. When the baby was 6 Months old I discovered that he was cheating on me with a colleague who had a boyfriend working in the same Lab. I made this discovery through his cellphone and my sixth sense. I told him to leave my house. He kept running after me and didn't stop. He admitted to everything and I forgave him and took him back. A year later he started a new job and was caught cheating again with a another work colleague who was married.I told him to leave again and he refused to leave me alone, sms and coming over to my house on the pretext of seeing the baby. I forgave him again and took him back. But the hurt and pain doesn't go away. He seems to be fine now. I don't know what the future holds but would like to think that he has changed. I gave him everything. I was the most loving person and ually pleasing in every way. I still don't understand why he would did that....

Deborah October 08, 2013 | 5:04 PM

My husband cheated 3 1/2 yeas ago. I stayed with him; although, every day of my life I check his phone records and I panic when I can't get him on the phone or he is late getting home. My children have now spent their teen years growing up like this. What have I done! I just wanted a Christian home. I do love him and forgave him. But I can't trust him. What was wrong with me that he cheated on me. Even after 3 1/2 years, I still hurt inside so bad...

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