Dating Tips From The Guys

It's hard to admit, but in some ways men are smarter about dating than women are. Here, our writer -- Tristan Coopersmith, author of MENu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course. -- weighs in on what guys get right about the dating game.

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I'm not suggesting that you morph into a man to catch one. Hello?! Do you really think a guy wants to date a girl who is just like the belching buddy he swaps fantasy football tips with? Definitely not. However, guys can have an overall healthier approach to dating and therefore spend far less -- or more like zero -- time stressing over it. Trust me, you won't find guys calling their friends desperate to have their nerves calmed moments before a date, nor will you find them overanalyzing when to call or not to call a girl. For better or for worse, guys just don't care as much, and in turn, they're lackadaisical attitude serves them quite well. Here we offer you a guide to the male dating mind.

Guys don't wallow in pity over rejection

You'd be hard-pressed to find a guy buried in a pint of Haagen-Dazs after a girl doesn't call when she said she would. And you also won't hear him making absurd statements like, 'I'll never find love!' upon being rejected by a pretty girl at the bar. In fact, guys do the opposite. When they strike out, they step right back up to the plate to prove to themselves (and sometimes the rejecting girl, too) that they've got game. And that is exactly what you should do. What's the worst that could happen? You spend one dinner with a jerk or get turned down by a guy you barely know? So what?! You put yourself out there, you increased your odds, and you learned something -- that is the whole point of dating. As it has been said, the greatest failure one can have is not trying at all.

Guys always take applications

They always have an open-for-business sign hanging up indicating they are ready and raring to date, unlike many women who say things like, 'I'm not ready to date.' Think about it logically: If you are not consciously and actively taking applications from potential men, how can you score any? The good news is that, yes, guys actually walk up and knock on your door, so to speak. It's not like guys are in hiding, playing hard to get. They are everywhere, dying to date to you. They nearly always say, 'Yes!' and so should you. After all, a closed business will ultimately be a failing business.

Guys rock a laid-back, positive attitude

They approach dating with a positive, open, I've-got-nothing-to-lose mindset. They are confident in themselves (at least the date-worthy ones are) and are just out to have a good time. So take dating in stride and lighten up a little! It's just an introduction, a phone call, a date – it's not a life commitment! By simply shifting your attitude, letting go of anything negative that may have happened in the past and approaching your new dating life with a smile, you will see a remarkable difference in how many guys want to date you and in how much more fun your dates become.

Guys maintain realistic expectations

It's the second course of your first date. You're looking into the eyes of your date and everything about him is A+ perfect. You start thinking to yourself, 'Hmmm, he'd make a great kids soccer coach, wouldn't he?' The waiter refills your wine glass as you ponder if he might be available to be your date at your cousin's wedding next month. Whoa.. slow down! You know what he is thinking at this point, Ms. Fast-Forward? He's thinking about his get-you-home-and-as-close-to-naked-as-possible strategy. Don't be crushed. His thought is actually totally appropriate given how well you know each other and his inherent testosterone levels. When it comes to dating, in the beginning, you have to be rational. You have to live in the moment to keep your sanity and your potential future intact. Guys exist in a head-centric, reality-based space, not a heart-centric, fantasy-filled one.  They don't want to take it faster. They aren't looking for a speed-racer trip to marriage and you shouldn't be either. So calmly enjoy the gift of the present, and you might make it to the dessert course and beyond.

Guys have a life outside of dating

And that is healthy. They balance dating with their friends, family, work and personal interests. But women tend to get caught in the man abyss and sacrifice the other aspects of their lives, which is both unhealthy and a huge turnoff to a guy. To avoid getting sucked into the dating vortex, be sure to maintain relationships with friends and family (after all, you need them to be there when Mr. Right Now may not be anymore), spend time with yourself (nurture yourself with me-time activities that will enrich you plus position you to meet new guys) and kick butt at work (good guys are easier to find than good jobs these days so don't lose the one you have).

Guys are who they are – they don't fake it for YOU

You pretty much get what you get when you go out with a guy, but we women have this magical morphing ability whereby we can chameleon ourselves into being what we think he wants us to be. The truth is, he just wants the truest version of us, not some padded-bra version that ultimately is going to come off anyway, making him feel that he was sold false goods. So instead of spending your time trying to become man bait, showcase the fabulous all-star woman that you already are.

Guys play the field

So what if they date more than one girl at a time? They typically tell you about it, so it isn't like they are hiding anything -- it only drives women crazy because we want to be the only ones. The reason men play the field is because they are playing the game of numbers, which is exactly what dating is – the more you date, the better your odds of finding someone. Keeping their options open until they know who is girlfriend worthy is just mathematically smart. For women, dating more than one guy at a time can help with the numbers game and offer additional benefits. You will become less prematurely attached and therefore you won't cling to any one guy, which will be more emotionally healthy for you and decrease the risk of scaring off your guy. Further, when you are rotating a roster of men, it makes you less available which, to the primitive mind of a man, makes you even more appealing. Talk about a win-win game!

More Guy Advice on SheKnows:

10 Best cities to meet eligible bachelors
How to flirt like a pro
What you can learn about men by reading their magazines

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Comments

Comments on "What guys get right about dating"

Samantha August 27, 2010 | 2:08 PM

I REALLY like this list and by my age, 28, I guess I should be saying "duh"...lol. But like a lot of women, I am very emotional and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. This list is a great reminder to live by and to teach me how to date like a guy. I DO think women should have fun with it. I know the biological clocks or ticking but I think dating this way might increase women's chances of meeting the RIGHT guy and not some loser. Happy dating, ladies! :D

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