Frenemies To Watch Out For

As much as we'd like to think the best of the people in our lives, the sad truth is that most women have at least one "frenemy" in their social circle, i.e. a woman who masquerades as a friend but is secretly jealous and would enjoy it if something bad happened to you. In essence, the very opposite of a friend.

Friends - women

However, while a friendship with a frenemy may start out well and with good intentions, after a few months, she will usually show her true colors. Below is a list of four toxic friends you don't need in your life and how to get rid of them.

The Flake

Who She Is: Almost every woman will know a Flake at some point in her life. Luckily, she is easy to spot, as she's the one who always cancels at the last minute, reschedules your plans, or just plain doesn't show up to events. She may even have good reasons or be apologetic about it. For example, she may have two little kids or a hectic work schedule. However, regardless of her explanations, the Flake's excuses don't make up for the times you have to spend waiting for her to arrive or being forced to show up to a party alone because she forgot to tell you she couldn't make it, not to mention her rude disregard for your feelings.

How to Dump Her: A Flake is the easiest kind of bad friend to get rid of. You could take the grown-up approach and tell her that you can't deal with her perpetual lateness anymore or, simply, give her a taste of her own medicine and "forget" to return her calls and emails, like she's prone to do.

The Clinger

Who She Is: Like the Flake, the Clinger doesn't mean you any harm; her only fault is that she doesn't realize how annoying she is. Mere days after meeting a Clinger, she will begin calling you and acting like your BFF. This attention, especially if you've struggled to make friends in the past, can be flattering. However, after a while, it can become exhausting. As soon as you get home after having hung out with a Clinger, she's likely to have already emailed you, asking you when you want to hangout again. Worse, she may feel the need to keep you informed of her every life update, however insignificant, and/or constantly seek out your advice.

How to Dump Her: Trying to phase out a Clinger is hard, as she doesn't understand the concept of boundaries or take rejection well, but it's the only way to cool things down with her. A Clinger may freak out if you tell her that you need space, so it might be best to tell her a little white lie instead, such as you have a lot going on at work at the moment or you're moving to New Zealand for a while.

The Drama Queen

Who She Is: The Drama Queen has a self-destructive streak. She will complain that she can never meet quality men and then go out and sleep with 5 guys in a night or she will talk about how she's going on a diet, only to scarf an entire box of Krispy Kremes a second later. Things are always going wrong in the Drama Queen's life, especially with her personal relationships, and she often uses you as a sounding board for all her problems. At her worst, a bored Drama Queen will try to stir up problems in your life as well.

How to Dump Her: Obviously, the Drama Queen loves drama, so whatever you do, don't let her know that you're the least bit upset or angry at her, as it will only spur her on. Instead, politely excuse yourself when you see her and try to keep all conversations with her as brief as possible. Indifference is the only way to send a message to her that you no longer want to be friends.

The Bitch

Who She Is: In movies, the Bitch is always played by an icy, perfect-looking blonde, such as Nancy Allen in Carrie or Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls. However, in real life, the Bitch can come in all shapes and forms. She could be a 5'10 Glamazon at the gym or a pudgy girl at work with a God complex. Regardless, all Bitches have one thing in common: they make you feel bad about yourself and have no remorse for subtly (or not so subtly) criticizing everything about you.

How to Dump Her: While it's never good to yell at a Drama Queen, a Bitch totally deserves it. Send a mean letter, delete her off of your Facebook, whatever you have to do to get rid of her is justifiable, so long as she is out of your life. Just remember: every second you remain friends with her does damage to your self-esteem.

Do you have a toxic friend in your life that you can't get rid of? Share your story below in the comment box.

More friendship advice on SheKnows

Tags: enemies frenemies

Recommended for you

Comments

Comments on "4 Friends you don't need"

kusma March 31, 2014 | 1:36 AM

My friend is such a -----. I was close to an other girl and she used mind games to split us. Now im close to this her nd she keeps gifting me stuff so I dont dump her.. she'll start a drama about not accepting gifts, she texts al the time. I just need time for my family but she always makes a fuss about it. She complains about everything, wen I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. she lies a lot.. she made up stories, she said she got operated, and den she ------- about her dad and uff she's never done talking ill about me. I hate her, her attitude, clingy judgy behavior is eating me up. Pls help me.

al March 09, 2014 | 9:15 PM

This is not only true of women. Men have this kind of toxic friend in their spheres too. I just got rid of a bunch of them.

I'm Done! September 20, 2013 | 5:56 PM

My friend is all four. She is judgie and never EVER seems to be happy for me. Shes in my social group and there's only one other person who understands. My other friend is pretty much brainwashed by her. Same with my other one but it's only when shes with her. The friend who understands me even told me that she tried to make her and the others not be my friend anymore! If I even stood up for myself EVER she would say "Dude! I'm kidding!" or just go onto another subject to make me look bad! I know I might just be complaining but I have to get it out.

Gina September 08, 2013 | 3:01 PM

Mine is more subtle, I guess. Sometimes she is nice and supportive, complimentary, etc. But I can tell (and she's only a friend on FB) that she gets jealous when men on there pay attention to me or other women. (She's married, btw, and I'm not.) She also has the drama queen thing going on....lots of gossiping and if I'm in a bad mood, it sometimes causes me to gossip, too, which I don't want to do, because I don't feel it's right, for one, and secondly, I don't trust her to keep her mouth shut. She's the type of person who would probably be y if she knew I was pulling away, but in all honesty I just don't like her very much.

E! August 12, 2013 | 11:18 AM

Sadly, I think most female frienships fall into one of these toxic patterns. All these backstabbing, misery-loving harpies who just cannot be happy if you're happy, will not support you when you are trying to make healthier choices, run around telling your secrets behind your back, make sure you look bad to everyone else, then are the first to "console" you (usually with fattening or alcholic things you are trying not to do anymore) when their backstabbing and gossiping end up causing you a problem.

Kiara July 17, 2013 | 7:57 PM

Well, I have a friend who just couldn't manage to take any good news without having to take little jabs and insults delivered as jokes. I do not remember any single moment that she uttered a simple "Wow I am happy for you". She always finds a way to bring back the spotlight to herself and to make me look bad in front of people through her little offensive remarks disguised as jokes. Pathetic. Im thankful I realized that she isnt a keeper that is why Im beginning to spend less time with her.

Dimma December 05, 2012 | 6:31 AM

Well I have this kind of friend that I don't know in which of d 4 types of toxic friend she belongs to.This friend of mine wheneva we stay 2geda she doesn't talk,am d only one who will be gisting and all she does is to smile.Even when she ask me about my relationships I will be vry free 2 tell her evrytin,evn when she manages 2 talk she will only brieve it.If I see her online she will only say Hi n if I don't come up wit gist she wouldn't say anytin,she's alwZ good at askn me abt things around me.So please what kind of friend is she n how can I avoid her?

Leddy November 19, 2012 | 1:34 PM

Wow...I have a frenemy that has all 5. Flake: In the 6 mos that I've known her, I was over her house countless times and when I invited to spend time at my place "I have to feed my dog". Clinger: called me her BFF after "was I asked?" lol. Drama Queen: "She will complain that she can never meet quality men and then go out and sleep with 5 guys in a night or she will talk about how she's going on a diet, only to scarf an entire box of Krispy Kremes a second later.” Enough said. : She threw me under the bus and COPIED ME on the text! When I called her on it, she said “I meant for you to read it”. Thanks for this article! I think I’m naïve and I’m 38! My other friend's say I'm just not "jaded"...hmmmm

Kill Me Now June 22, 2012 | 8:27 AM

Wow. I actually read that vapid drivel. I'm so super, super ready to take on the world and weed out all the frenemies within it now. Thanks! xx

Someone May 04, 2012 | 2:49 PM

Nice article - I agree with a good deal of the things mentioned here. I can relate to this as I've had the interesting experience of having had to tell off a toxic friend after years of emotional abuse. She fits into categories 3 and 4, and 2 to an extent. Since the time I told her off, we have kept a distance but it was worth it, as she treats me with more respect and stopped being mean to me. I should mention, though, that I respectfully disagree with a flake being necessarily a toxic friend. Sure, if taken to the extreme, he/she can be, but I like to look at this attribute on a case by case basis. Even if I had the most flaky friend, I would still have them as a friend if he/she treated me with kindness and apologized for the flakiness/made up for it by, say, taking me out for coffee or lunch or something. I am not proud of being somewhat flaky myself, but I would not consider myself a toxic friend as I try hard to be kind and caring and there for my friends and usually show up when I am expected. Once, I had to skip out of a friend's wedding because of an unfortunately delay regarding a bachelorette party of a close high school friend, which just had to happen on the same day. I apologized to my friend profusely as I was trying to make the timing work but got stuck with driving someone back from the party, per her schedule. I later took this friend out to lunch and gave a bunch of presents for his wedding and he was very happy with that. We are still great friends and he was not angry with me for having flaked out, though I felt terrible about it.

+ Add Comment


(required - not published)