Whether you and your partner are doing well or you're having issues, one thing is for sure, if you love each other a lot, it's worth the fight. But did you ever consider that maybe you're doing all the wrong things and these might be killing your relationship? What are the red flags that might be harming you and your mate? Avoid these things that might be affecting your love...
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that being paranoid can end a relationship. Even worse, if there's nothing to be paranoid about, that relationship really won't last. Take it from Cindy, who learned early on in her relationship with her (now) ex-boyfriend that he was cheating. "He didn't confess. I found weird e-mails on our computer," she recalls. "We decided to work through it but things just ended this spring." Although Cindy's boyfriend was no longer cheating--or at least, not that she knows of--their relationship had to end. "I was constantly checking e-mails and his phone," she admits. "He ended up getting mad at me for not trusting him and we agreed it was best to go our separate ways."
We've all been there--grudges are the worst. Whether it's you or him, if either of you have a chip on your shoulder, you're in for a miserable time. I was with a boyfriend for five months, who I adored, except for the fact that he would crack jokes about my ex-boyfriend who I dated before him. He'd say comments like, "Oh your ex-boyfriend wasn't good looking," and "Oh he didn't love you." I eventually got so fed up with it (even though they were jokes). I broke things off because the comments were childish. Grow up!
If you are not over your ex, don't start a new relationship. Cindy tells us that her boyfriend was actually talking to his ex! Clearly, their relationship wasn't over. It eventually led to their downfall. If you are in a happy, healthy place, you will be open to a good relationship. "Had I known he was still talking to his, I would've stayed away," Cindy says. "Unfinished business can affect me even though it doesn't even have anything to do with me."
4. No Communication
If you're not communicating well with your partner, then what's the point, right? Problems are resolved through open communication. "A lot of arguments with a spouse can be remedied by talking openly and honestly," says Aly Walansky, a relationship expert. "It might be uncomfortable at times to get things out in the open that may or may not be bothering you, but you'll iron out the kinks if you're able to."
5. Nothing Fights
They're so useless, it's not even funny. Yet, couples have them all the time. The "nothing fight" is the type of fight that is so silly and stupid that it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Whether it be about someone forgetting to pick up peanut butter at the store to someone making an insensitive joke, ignore the nothing fight, says Walansky. "You might not want to laugh about it at the time, but you will later. Just cool off."
Stress is inevitable, but you and your loved one can do a lot of things to not sweat the small (or big) stuff. We saw it happen with Jon and Kate on TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8. Dr. Kathleen Hall, an internationally recognized stress expert, tells us that households under a lot of stress have major issues. Divorce is prevalent in stressful homes. Granted, stress will happen, but you and your man should try to keep the pressure separate from having fun together. Don't lose sight of the fact that you're together for a reason and stresses will come and go.