Long distance relationships: 5 Expert tips on making them work

Jan 26, 2010 12:15 PM by SheKnows Love & Sex Experts

Posted in Love & Sex / Marriage & Relationships / Dating

Long Distance Love Tips

Long distance relationships have always had the stigma that they don't work. Some relationships experts disagree. "Having a successful, long distance relationship is possible," says Paul A Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating, the largest brick-and-mortar dating service in the world. "It's important that you both understand what's involved and that you're dedicated to working at communicating."

couple in a long distance relationship

Long distance relationships: Make 'em work!

If you're considering a long distance relationship or fall into one without much of a choice, don't worry -- there's help on the way. We turned to the experts for some tips on how to make your long distance relationship work. Here's what we uncovered:

Use the phone

Natasha Grach and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, and it was not easy at first. "We started our relationship apart for six months -- we were both college freshmen and he was in Russia studying abroad," she explains. "We kept things going by talking on the phone a lot -- sometimes as much as six to seven hours at a time!"

Tip: The good news that is even if your cell phone plan doesn't include unlimited national long distance -- or your love lives outside the country's borders -- you still have options.

To cut on the phone costs, she suggests using a service like VoxOx, a free Web application that combines Skype, Vonage, Google Voice and Digsby. That way, you can communicate with your beau without a financial hurdle.

And to make matters worse, talking on the phone for that long wasn't cheap. "Yes, there were calling cards, but that was such a hassle for us and they ran out really quickly with all those maintenance charges," she adds.

Grach advises not to let the logistics get in the way of talking on the phone with your partner everyday -- it's one of the most important things you can do to make a long distance relationship work.

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Utilize other modes of communication

If you can't reach each another on the phone, then e-mail, IM and text messaging will do, says Falzone. "When you're stuck in a meeting halfway across the world, it's always heartwarming to receive a loving text message from your sweetheart," he points out. "Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."

With such busy lives and so many obligations pulling at you from all different directions, it's easy to neglect communicating in a long distance relationship. Using other modes of communication will keep you and your partner close even though you're technically far away from each other.

Keep the romance alive

You and your beau might not see each other every day, but it's important to keep the love going and present. "Give a little something -- mail a gift, write a love song, send a balloon-o-gram, order lunch and have it delivered to your honey -- just make it happen," says Falzone.

"You're not physically together all the time to enjoy those little extras that your sweetheart might do for you (like bringing you a latte made just the way you like it). Your sweetie will feel cherished knowing that you're thinking of him enough to send a special surprise." Plus, he will probably return the gesture and will make you feel super-special.

Get tips for keeping a long distance relationship red-hot! >>

Partake in an even-trip exchange

Odds are you and your love will be visiting each other. It's important to make this even to avoid a disgruntled other-half. "Make sure that each person takes a turn visiting the other's city," says Debra Berndt, a dating and relationship expert, and author of the book, "Let Love In." "This way no one feels as though they are doing all the traveling, thus making all the effort in the relationship."

Don't take things (too) personally

"Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."

Things will get in the way so be prepared. Since you and your partner live separately, odds are you'll maintain your lives in your own cities (as you probably should). It will help your relationship if you remain understanding and flexible.

"Changes in plans come up, work gets in the way and family emergencies emerge as a normal part of life. If your partner cancels a trip, do not take it personally and make a huge deal over the change (unless it becomes a regular pattern of behavior)," says Berndt. "Remember that you accepted the relationship as it is and must adjust to last minute cancellations as part of the deal."

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Tags: dating tips long distance relationships relationship tips

Comments

Comments on "Long distance relationships: 5 Expert tips on making them work"

I have someone in my life that i love so much and i'm really dying to be with her all the rest of my life. But the truth is, i'm afraid that one day i might loose her though we haven't seen each other, we only make calls, text massages and sometimes we do sing for each other. I'm not all that happy because we've not seen each other, this is a girl that i met on a social network, we have dated for 1year now but we haven't seen each other, i want her to love me so much that she can't stay a minute without listening to my voice. Help me.

I am in a long distance relationship we havent meet each other yet but I love him so much. Can't wait to be in his arms for the first time hopefully really soon! We met off a ! Does anybody have any advice for us to keep are relationship to become stronger?

I belive TRUST comes b4 LOVE, bcus u cannot lov without putting trust 2 forward ,although distance may keep u guys apart but d trust is there!!!

I am in a long distance relasionship and sometimes it feels like I give him to much attention and he barly gives me any. I feel hurt but then i start thinking of my ex and then i get to thinking if i should stay with the one i am with which lives in Tunisia and i live all the way in the united states and my ex lives in Mexico but i need some advice what should I do?

Everything you have said in this is so true it can happen and it can be forever...Thanks

i have been in long distance relationship for six years nw,but trust and hope have been driving us along.We do send each other e-mails,cards and romantic letters,where there is trust there is hope.Distance or miles between us cudnt even prevent us from making it.I love how we talk and imagine we where close to each other.

my bf is going to cuba to study medicine for 4years and ill be here,south africa finishing my degree...i dnt knw how are we gna do this long distance relationship but we are strong...we will survive this. Im going to wait for him...such a young ambitious man u dnt get man like him everyday...we trust each other and by God's grace we will get married and live our dreams..ill come bk after 4 years with a positive feedback.

Been on a distance relationship for years before we married and succeeded in clearing a few obstacles out of our way. You can use everything that technology throws at you. If you want the relationship to work, it will. I am convinced, though, that distance relationships can only work for a limited period, then you've got to get together at some point, if you want to survive as a couple.

but true love will always stand the test of time no matter what

My fiancee and I are miles away from each other.. While going through all the above tips I can see that we r on the right track.. Well it s not easy and will never be cauz at a certain point we need the physical touch, the hug, the kiss or even the smile but I belive that real love and strong commitment is above all distance. We were officially engaged last summer and We are planning for our wedding for the next summer and than all of this will be special memories. And let me tell u that in the long distance relationship TRUST is the name of the game:))

He sometimes never believe what i say because there is much distance between us.

My pen pal an a young divorced woman in Trinidad became my friend but lost few years ago. I have her postal address but no response. How can I find her again?

is very difficult to be away frm some1 u luv becos trust sumtime fal apart when u feel dat d person is like a sheep among wolves in another place where u can not be able to protect he.but anyway i stil love her.

i am in love with a lady in Alabama what can i do to make her love more?

my long distance relationship needs to be fixed ...........can you help me please

i am starting a long distance relationship with a lady and i think am already in love with her, i want to know everything that can help me keep this relationship alive cos i want the best, and i truly want to be with her for the rest of my life.

LDR's are awesome! You can say what you really feel in a letter or text much easier and you have time to think & edit before sending. When you see each other it's just more passionate.

Halla I tried the long distance relationship and keeping it always alive s much difficult than I imagine. There are times I am desperate to shout @ him because he's too much jealous about my friends n facebook,and in different sites... Although he has all my password but damn he's too much which I can't stand..thank you I may live life happy without anyguy around....I tried the to see f I can find my sweetheart there..all I got is a pain in my neck :(

not like the other time when i lost a relationship it was after three years before we could meet and talk and then she's pregnant and holding the first babe she said we could still continue after giving the second man the third child but i replied i could not because i have a new relationship after our departure. so nothing like true love may God help us all. AMEN.

My boyfriend lives and works in Afghanistan, while I reside here in the United Kingdom. I communicate every moment I can, the pleasure of hearing his voice everday, on the phone, his text messages, emails, and we go on to chat at a certain time through the day, for that little bit extra.We have met up in Dubai for a holiday, thats a beautiful time, just being together, nothing comes between us. I have been through "dont take things personally", and I must admit it was hard at first, but slowly and surely I have become accustomed to his way of life in a warzone. I absolutely adore him, and love him like there is no tomorrow, one day we will be together, but at the present time, we have to make use of what we have got.I send him little things,all the time, dvds, clothes, with love notes, hes special and worth my heart, as I am worth his. To all long distance lovers, its worth everything to hang on to something and have someone special in our hearts. The most important thing is to love unconditionally.