Love Mysteries:
A Guy Explains

We have so many questions for men regarding what they think of us, why they act the way they act, and how do they make decisions. From broad issues (such as, why are most of you scared to commit?) to personal inquiries (like, why have you stopped wooing me?), I'm determined to get to the bottom of it all. Baby steps, girls, baby steps. We won't get all of the answers overnight by sitting around pondering. In an effort to gain some clarity, I went straight to the source: a man. And here's what I uncovered...
Thinking Man

On Commitment

My Question: Why are most men so afraid of commitment? And, if there's such a fear present at the thought of becoming attached to another human being, then why date at all?His answer: Honestly, I personally don't know what I'd gain by committing to anyone. If you want to talk about gender roles, well, I do all that stuff already — cook, clean, iron, etc. Plus, I don't need a woman on my arm to feel validated. Not to mention, I've got awesome platonic friendships with a number of women, and they've all raised the bar for what I'd expect from a serious, long-term relationship.My Conclusion: Had I known a relationship equaled me cooking, cleaning, and ironing for a man, I would've stopped dating a long, long time ago. Is that what men think a commitment is about? Gender roles? How about the idea that two people should love each other and ask nothing of each other, other than companionship?As for this man's ownership of "awesome platonic friendships with women who've raised the bar," here's a thought, have you ever considered dating one of them? If they're so awesome, perhaps you should look closely — maybe that's what a commitment should be about? An awesome, platonic friendship with a woman who has raised the bar.

On Craziness

My Question: We've seen it happen to the smartest, most put-together, strongest women. Why do you, men, drive some of us, innocent women, crazy?His Answer: In my experiences women are generally smarter and more capable than the average guy, so it confuses me that you all get so twisted up. Men can compartmentalize, so one problem (for instance, with a woman) can be put aside while we go to work and help us stay sane.My Conclusion: So he admits it — we're smarter and more capable! Good answer.

On Wooing

My Question: I've dated so many men. The relationships have all started the same — they are near perfect in the beginning and romance me, then after a couple of weeks or months, the wooing stops. What gives? Don't they like me as much as they did when we first started dating?His Answer: [Shrug] I'm the wrong person to ask since I've never successfully dated someone I went out of my way to woo. The women I have been with, I didn't have to woo. They all have had irrational fixations on me.My Conclusion: Oh geez — it's worse than I thought. As confused as we are that they've stopped wooing, men are even more bewildered what wooing is! Judging by this man's answer, I've come to the realization that the charming courtship I've experienced early on wasn't wooing at all -- they were isolated incidents whereby there was no cause or reason on his part. He didn't even know what he was doing! The wooing, as it turns out, was a mere fluke.

On the Perfect World

My Question: In your "perfect" world, what would women do differently?His Answer: If a commitment is what you want and he can't give it at the moment, freeze your eggs while you're in your prime. Eliminate that fear of marrying and conceiving at an older age. Or, date older guys who are ready for kids.My Conclusion: News flash, it's not that easy. Freezing your eggs is costly. The fear of marrying and conceiving at a certain age is detrimental. Waiting too long can mean you never have that family you've always dreamed up. As for dating older men who are ready for kids, I'm sure some women are considering just that. At either case, this answer has terrified me.I can't help but say that my final conclusion leaves me a little nervous. If I ever come in contact with a man who thinks this way, I will head for the hills — no question. Thankfully, not every man thinks like this — I am certain of that. In fact, some are probably the opposite. Many are okay at committing, a lot make the conscious effort to woo and woo continuously, and plenty know exactly what us, ladies, are thinking. I mean, how else would so many awesome women walk down the isle? Have hope, ladies, there are winners in the pool!

More dating advice:

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How to find love online
How to turn a guy friend into a boyfriend 

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Comments on "How to think like a man: His answers to your questions"

Aj July 05, 2011 | 4:41 PM

Sounds like she's just the kind of slightly delusional and self important women that men would run from after a few weeks when her well behaved "representative" is no longer in the picture. Chill out, relax, set your sights on what you want and don't be fake.

MLG September 05, 2009 | 10:16 PM

I don't think the writer actually understood this fellow's responses at all, and her own responses are a bunch of nonsense. For the last question, for example... What exactly is the style of thinking that so offends her? He told her that if she wanted a commitment and he wasn't ready to give her one, then she'd need to take steps to make herself comfortable with that fact, or look for love elsewhere. How is that unreasonable?

Aniefiok August 27, 2009 | 12:16 PM


systemBuilder August 15, 2009 | 10:48 PM

The guys who are 'afraid of commitment' are imho the ones who have more girlfriends than baskin robbins flavors of the months. i knew a 'flavor of the month guy' once who had a collage of the 35 girlfriends he had dated (he was 21 years old at the time.) I asked him how he would decide who to marry ?? He said, "when i finally get the urge to marry, i'll marry whomever i'm with ..." This was a real shocker! And, he divorced that woman, after a few years ... The nice guys, ones who are healthy, smart, exercise regularly, and good providers - and able to to commit - find that women spurn them for the flavor-of-the-month guys, then they wonder why those playboys won't commit ?? - An average Guy.

highbee July 13, 2009 | 5:23 AM

pls, i will like to know wat i can do if the guy don't love me as i do? but he always say i like you nothing about love

swetlinda June 27, 2009 | 4:04 AM

Everything you do for me reassures me that I am appreciated. I want you to know that you mean so much to me. From the first day we met, you were determined to get to know me. At first, I was skeptical about you because of your persistence, but you quickly grew on me. I want you to know that every moment we’ve spent together since that first day holds a special place in my heart. I was afraid at first that if I let you in I’d regret it, but I haven’t regretted a single moment. I trust you, and I know you’ll be there for me no matter what. I trust that you’ll be faithful to me and that you won’t hurt my heart. You tell me how you want only the best for me. You tell me how beautiful I am. You tell me how you love every curve of my body. You just make me feel extra special; make me feel a sense of warmth inside. I want you to know that I love you for this! I love you for being so caring and genuine. I love you for everything you’ve done for me. I love you for the happiness and joy you bring to my life. I love you for you! We don’t even need to talk to communicate with each other. By just being together, holding hands, or cuddling, we can sense each other’s thoughts and inner feelings. I want you to know that I want the best for you as well. I want you to succeed and I want all your dreams and fantasies to come true. I know that in me you see a young woman full of kindness, understanding, and compassion. A young woman with an open-heart. A young woman who puts a smile on your face everyday. I will be that woman who’s there for you just as you’re there for me, the one who encourages you through life’s ups and downs. But ultimately, I want to be the woman who is your everything. Not an hour goes by that I don’t think about you. You have brought so much joy to my life and you give me so much to look forward to when I wake up every morning. I want you to know that I sincerely appreciate you and I can never tell you enough that “I LOVE YOU!

lonpery June 05, 2009 | 8:01 PM

Hello! May the blessings of the season rest upon your life, I am a girl of 29, I found you here on this site and picked interest in you. My name is lonpery. I wish to be in good relationship with you and may be discover ourselves as real partners for life. If you feel interested write me through the contact. (Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life) I will be happy to seeing a good responds from you Thanks from my heart; Yours in love, can add me on ur yahoo messenger..lonpery@ymail

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