In her new book, Getting Naked Again, New York Times best-selling author Judith Sills writes that a return to dating is an emotional whiplash, pure and unavoidable.
Ready or Not
According to Sills, you know you're ready to date again when you no longer cry uncontrollably, have stopped talking about your ex or fantasizing that he is coming back, have gotten a handle on any self-destructive tendencies, and have stopped reliving and/or regretting the past.For women in transition, Sills asserts that meeting someone new is more than just a numbers game. "[Its] bringing the right mind, body, and spirit to that numbers game," she states. In short, dating is less about whom you meet, and more about who you are when you meet him.Do you still have the same interests now that you are no longer a part of a "we"? Or have you found that by losing your partner, you have also lost enthusiasm for certain activities and beliefs that you once thought were you? Especially if you are the type of woman who loses her identity when she enters into a relationship, it may take time to decide who you are, much less what you want, now that you are single."You need an evolving sense of self," advises Sills of the process of what she calls "turning single."
"At its deepest psychodynamic level, getting naked again involves fear," writes Sills.
The Comeback Kid
"Certainly we date again because it's a drag to sit home on Saturday night," says Sills, but also because "romantic life is really nothing more than a playing field; increasing your capacity to give and receive love is the prize."For more info on Getting Naked Again, visit judithsills.com
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