What to do if you're stood up on a first date: 5 Rules to follow

Dec 17, 2008 3:53 PM by SheKnows Love & Sex Experts

Posted in Love & Sex / Marriage & Relationships / Dating

What To Do
If He Flakes

This has happened far to often. I've seen it occur a dozen times. The pretty girl makes plans with some guy (a stranger). Something comes up and the first date never comes to fruition. Said pretty girl ends up waiting by the phone wondering, "What just happened?" Are you familiar? You're not alone. In fact, I've even fallen victim. I just sat there with this thought: "Maybe he died?"

Stood Up Woman

But no, he didn't die. There was no crazy accident. His cell phone did not fall in a toilet and he had no other way to get in touch with me because he didn't have my number memorized... yet. The fact of the matter is, he just never thought to call.

Why this happens at all, I don't know. I will tell you one thing though, for a pretty girl, it's outright offensive, not to mention mystifying. As a bonafide relationship expert, I've tried to get to the bottom of this. But I'm sorry to say, I don't have any answers. What I can offer up, however, are some rules for pretty girls like you when dealing with such flakes.

1. Make him ask.

You shouldn't be doing the suggesting for the first date. Put out enough signs to let him know you're interested, but don't go any further. That way, you'll be sure your date is definitely into you and that you didn't coerce him to a meeting he's not wholeheartedly into.

2. Don't call him.

After he asks you out, agree to it (if you dig him, that is). Assuming you have days between the ask and the first date, wait for him to call, text or email you to confirm that date. Don't want to seem like an eager beaver before you even get to know the guy.

3. If he doesn't call, just walk.

Flakes are far and few. Ever so often, you might meet one. He'll ask you out, make some grandiose plans and promises, then when it comes to confirming your first coital, he's nowhere to be found. Just take it as a loss, and forget about it. After all, you didn't know the guy anyway.

4. If he stands you up, he best be dead.

Yes, this happens. If you make plans with someone and then confirm it, and he still doesn't show, consider him nonexistent. If he didn't so much as text you that he's no longer able to make it, that's pretty low and totally rude. Luckily, you wouldn't have wasted your time with a jerk.

5. If he's not dead, but has a good excuse, give him one more chance.

That's right, just one more. Not two, not three, not four - just one. But please, make sure it's a good excuse, backed up by facts, figures, eye witnesses or evidence. Maybe he lost his phone and had no other way of getting in touch with you? Maybe his car broke down and couldn't call? This is not baseball - he's allowed two strikes, not three before he's out.

Giving him a second chance? Find 100s more first date tips and date ideas here>>

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Comments

Comments on "What to do if you're stood up on a first date: 5 Rules to follow"

I am a guy and I have been stood up a lot. I no longer expect anyone to show. I give people 15 minutes and then I have a back up plan. You must have a back up engagement. Also, even before the date, I let the girl know that if she cannot make it I understand. I say "if you don't call, i'll just assume that something happened."

I don't understand why people do this. It is such an inconvenience to other people. Just simply write an email or send a text message saying "sorry I can't make it tonight." I mean seriously! How hard is it? Takes 5 seconds but could save the other person from wasting hours of time!

i was stood up for the first time about a month ago by someone who I really liked and who had said in the past that he loved me. He called to ask me out and then never said a word to me again. Didn't call to cancel nor apologize. After the initial hurt wore off, I wrote him a very sarcastic note speculating on all of the reasons he might have had for not calling, "you were lost in the wilderness, in a coma and without cell service": "you became so engrossed in writing a science fiction novel that time had no meaning on your planet" ; "you are just freakin out of you mind" or "I have never been anything but kind to you so there must be something wrong with her if she chooses to date a guy like me". Now, I think my point is across that his behavior was completely unacceptable, but it still feels beneath me and I don't feel proud of myself for having written it. The next girl, though, will probably benefit from my honesty.

I am a guy (26) and get stood up all the time by women. 3 times in the last two weeks alone. It happens on dates I pursued or dates that I was asked out on. Its just weird. I'm an attractive guy according to most women and financially stable (I dont run my mouth about it, although it does show). I can honestly say that I would never do this to someone. Im by no means a player but I date alot and would settle down if I met a women interested who complemented me. If your gonna stand me up why agree to the date in the first place? It clearly does not make any sense.

I was stood up last night for a first date. I called for an explanation. It was reasonable but I did call him out on the rudeness of not calling. He did apologize but doubt I will hear from him again. I believe he lost interest. He was the one chasing all along so it was very confusing to be stood up. I have been through this so many times since my divorce. They are not far and few for me.

And what happens when I'm stood up (as I just was tonight), I walk away and say nothing as I'm supposed to, and then I see him again down the line because I met him initially through mutual friends? Do I pretend nothing happened?

Was stood up by a guy I know who asked me to dinner last night. He did not show, call or email. As far as I'm concerned he is DEAD. Yet I feel the need to write a very classy put down email to put and end to my connection with him. It is so instinctive for me to end it with the LAST WORD!

If he doesn't call just walk, why waste your time. As they say there are many fish in the sea.