What To Do
If He Flakes

This has happened far to often. I've seen it occur a dozen times. The pretty girl makes plans with some guy (a stranger). Something comes up and the first date never comes to fruition. Said pretty girl ends up waiting by the phone wondering, "What just happened?" Are you familiar? You're not alone. In fact, I've even fallen victim. I just sat there with this thought: "Maybe he died?"

Stood Up Woman

But no, he didn't die. There was no crazy accident. His cell phone did not fall in a toilet and he had no other way to get in touch with me because he didn't have my number memorized... yet. The fact of the matter is, he just never thought to call.

Why this happens at all, I don't know. I will tell you one thing though, for a pretty girl, it's outright offensive, not to mention mystifying. As a bonafide relationship expert, I've tried to get to the bottom of this. But I'm sorry to say, I don't have any answers. What I can offer up, however, are some rules for pretty girls like you when dealing with such flakes.

 

1. Make him ask.

You shouldn't be doing the suggesting for the first date. Put out enough signs to let him know you're interested, but don't go any further. That way, you'll be sure your date is definitely into you and that you didn't coerce him to a meeting he's not wholeheartedly into.

 

2. Don't call him.

After he asks you out, agree to it (if you dig him, that is). Assuming you have days between the ask and the first date, wait for him to call, text or email you to confirm that date. Don't want to seem like an eager beaver before you even get to know the guy.

 

3. If he doesn't call, just walk.

Flakes are far and few. Ever so often, you might meet one. He'll ask you out, make some grandiose plans and promises, then when it comes to confirming your first coital, he's nowhere to be found. Just take it as a loss, and forget about it. After all, you didn't know the guy anyway.

 

4. If he stands you up, he best be dead.

Yes, this happens. If you make plans with someone and then confirm it, and he still doesn't show, consider him nonexistent. If he didn't so much as text you that he's no longer able to make it, that's pretty low and totally rude. Luckily, you wouldn't have wasted your time with a jerk.

 

5. If he's not dead, but has a good excuse, give him one more chance.

That's right, just one more. Not two, not three, not four - just one. But please, make sure it's a good excuse, backed up by facts, figures, eye witnesses or evidence. Maybe he lost his phone and had no other way of getting in touch with you? Maybe his car broke down and couldn't call? This is not baseball - he's allowed two strikes, not three before he's out.

Giving him a second chance? Find 100s more first date tips and date ideas here>>

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Comments

Comments on "What to do if you're stood up on a first date: 5 Rules to follow"

kristy March 24, 2014 | 9:37 PM

I've been talking and txting a guy I meet on line for months he sold me a dream like he wanted a relationship with he want me to live with him he had me packing my bags saying he was on his way I waited and waited he never showed up... the next day he txt me saying he was in jail. I knew he was lying but I really liked him he was the only guy that showed interest in me in a very long time, I gave him another chance he said if I could help him out with gas he will come I wire him 50 dollars he never showed up. whats seen don't have to be explained I never contacted him again I deleted my profile im done with a lesson learned.

Oki December 27, 2013 | 8:39 PM

Well ladies, I don't know how I ended up on this site. I googled why do GIRLS stand guys up. I have been stood up just about everytime I ask a girl out. I don't understand it. I mean, I bathe, open car doors.......talk lol. What is the deal. Is it the new zeitgeist to be played?

ABjab August 03, 2013 | 11:24 AM

I met a guy who works near me (e.g. I see him often). I had to cancel a date with him and well as a night out with a group of close friends due to car problems. I immediately informed him (~3hrs before our date) via a call since I was stuck in another city. He responded that there was no problem. The next dates planned, he did not show up although he confirmed one day prior and I sent a courtesy text before I left from home. I got to eat at a fav restaurant anyway, but I am DONE with him ;-).

J July 27, 2013 | 8:29 AM

I was stood up today by a girl. She didn't reply to messages I sent her, and it's hours since we were meant meet and I still haven't heard from her. Oh well. I'm certainly not going to bother trying to find out what happened - that's for her to tell me. Time to move onward and upwards I suppose.

Gina June 30, 2013 | 7:26 PM

I just started seeing this guy and we made plans to spend Saturday together. At first he planned on hanging out with his friends, and would be over at 6. Needless to say, he texted me and said he was running late at 630... and then didn't hear boo from him until 10 pm. He called apologizing and stated that his phone fell on the floor and broke, and that he ran home to plug it in. Strangely his phone was working fine four hours later, while I was annoyed to the extreme by now. I just thought it was strange that while calling him it rang, while cell phones usually just forward to voicemail when off. Not sure if I am being too harsh...or this is just bull crap.

Jellybean27 June 10, 2013 | 11:10 AM

I got stood up yesterday by some jerk I met online...It did hurt as we were texting and calling weeks before but Im glad it's ended this way as opposed to figuring out this side of him later on. This article defo puts things into perspective, thanks for the tips.

Myra June 02, 2013 | 9:29 PM

We were suppose to meet at Starbucks at the mall. When I got there I waited almost 2 hours... Don't know why I bothered to waste my time waiting for him. I finally got a message saying he has to take a test after school. He said he would make up and plan a date but he never texted back. Really hurts because he was the first guy I really liked in a very long time and actually showed interest in me

Amanda May 14, 2013 | 3:35 PM

Just today I was stood up for meeting a guy for our first date. Although he texted me several times and said he was coming and running late. Two hours later he said he was there where was I? I told him I'm in my car waiting in front of Macy's. he said ok wait in the front I'm here and coming now. 45 minutes later still didn't show. So I sent him a couple of text messages. And even called his phone twice still no answer. Don't know what to think if the situation but it hurt my feelings bad. :(

Sally April 19, 2013 | 9:07 PM

You know...it really sucks to be stood up. It is very rude. I was definitely bitten by karma this week. Earlier in the week I was supposed to meet up with this guy for a coffee. I intended to show up but I couldn't make it. I sent him an email saying at the time that I was running a little late but would arrive as soon as I could. 20 minutes later I thought "oh well too bad. I'm not going. He probably left by now." I felt really bad doing that. It really sucks to be stood up and to stand someone up. That's if you have a heart. Tonight I was looking forward to going out with this guy I really like. We set plans since Monday afternoon to see each other tonight. I didn't hear from him all week which I thought was odd. But today at noon I texted him asking him what time he would be off work. I never got a response from him. It's already 9 pm. I'm really disappointed that he didn't call me or text me to tell me he wouldn't make it. We already went out before and had a really nice time. I keep getting a text and thinking "Oh what if it's him?" Pathetic isn't it? Oh and by the way, the guy I stood up earlier in the week gave me another chance. We met up for lunch today. Ironic isn't it? Little did I know I would be stood up tonight.

Nellie December 20, 2012 | 7:59 PM

I've been stood up before. It hurts because my date and I actually met. He told me to get a table that he had to make a phone call He never came back. .

A October 06, 2012 | 10:43 AM

I was just stood up by a guy yesterday. Its a horrible feeling. I called him to let him know that I was off work and on my way home to change, I got no answer. I waited for 2 hours for him to text or call, I received neither. Right now I don't think I want to date anymore, this keeps happening and I'm kinda sick of it.

Lauren July 10, 2012 | 9:49 AM

I was almost stood up once. He asked me out, I said yes, he called me the day of the date to make sure we were still on, I said yes... A few playful texts during the day, etc. Then come evening I had no idea where to meet up with him yet and he hadn't called. I waited and waited, nothing. I finally called him and left a message. Said, "we were supposed to meet up an hour ago but you never told me where to go... Hope everythings ok". He then called me back an hour later apologizing because he over slept... But he didn't sound too concerned. Didn't sound genuine at all. Then he told me where to meet him but I told him (calmly and cooly) that it was too late, maybe next time. Next time came around and I never returned his phone calls and he had the audacity to accuse me of being a lol

Ricardo January 16, 2012 | 2:20 PM

I am a guy and I have been stood up a lot. I no longer expect anyone to show. I give people 15 minutes and then I have a back up plan. You must have a back up engagement. Also, even before the date, I let the girl know that if she cannot make it I understand. I say "if you don't call, i'll just assume that something happened."

Stephanie August 27, 2011 | 10:04 PM

I don't understand why people do this. It is such an inconvenience to other people. Just simply write an email or send a text message saying "sorry I can't make it tonight." I mean seriously! How hard is it? Takes 5 seconds but could save the other person from wasting hours of time!

Lily July 23, 2011 | 11:24 AM

i was stood up for the first time about a month ago by someone who I really liked and who had said in the past that he loved me. He called to ask me out and then never said a word to me again. Didn't call to cancel nor apologize. After the initial hurt wore off, I wrote him a very sarcastic note speculating on all of the reasons he might have had for not calling, "you were lost in the wilderness, in a coma and without cell service": "you became so engrossed in writing a science fiction novel that time had no meaning on your planet" ; "you are just freakin out of you mind" or "I have never been anything but kind to you so there must be something wrong with her if she chooses to date a guy like me". Now, I think my point is across that his behavior was completely unacceptable, but it still feels beneath me and I don't feel proud of myself for having written it. The next girl, though, will probably benefit from my honesty.

M June 30, 2011 | 3:30 PM

I am a guy (26) and get stood up all the time by women. 3 times in the last two weeks alone. It happens on dates I pursued or dates that I was asked out on. Its just weird. I'm an attractive guy according to most women and financially stable (I dont run my mouth about it, although it does show). I can honestly say that I would never do this to someone. Im by no means a player but I date alot and would settle down if I met a women interested who complemented me. If your gonna stand me up why agree to the date in the first place? It clearly does not make any sense.

Rhonda January 09, 2011 | 7:07 AM

I was stood up last night for a first date. I called for an explanation. It was reasonable but I did call him out on the rudeness of not calling. He did apologize but doubt I will hear from him again. I believe he lost interest. He was the one chasing all along so it was very confusing to be stood up. I have been through this so many times since my divorce. They are not far and few for me.

B January 05, 2011 | 4:30 PM

And what happens when I'm stood up (as I just was tonight), I walk away and say nothing as I'm supposed to, and then I see him again down the line because I met him initially through mutual friends? Do I pretend nothing happened?

Diana August 14, 2010 | 9:21 AM

Was stood up by a guy I know who asked me to dinner last night. He did not show, call or email. As far as I'm concerned he is DEAD. Yet I feel the need to write a very classy put down email to put and end to my connection with him. It is so instinctive for me to end it with the LAST WORD!

michellebyy December 23, 2008 | 8:50 PM

If he doesn't call just walk, why waste your time. As they say there are many fish in the sea.

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