Hopeless Loser Boyfriends

The difference between dating a cute, underemployed artist/actor/musician type and a cute, underemployed freeloader can be hard to distinguish. Is your man in a permanent slump? Here are four signs to watch out for and how to take control of the situation.

Loser Boyfriend

Sign #1: He's Always Broke

Deadbeat boyfriends are notorious for having a million excuses about why they are constantly broke. The economy is bad, his former boss was a jerk, he's waiting for the check to come in, etc. What they don't have, however, is a plan to turn their financial situation around.

Sign #2: He's Lazy

Do you leave the house in the morning while he's still under the covers and come home to find him parked on the couch? If he's always on Facebook, playing video games, or even if it's just a small thing like not replacing the empty toilet paper roll when it's out, laziness and a supreme lack of motivation are definite signs of deadbeat behavior.

Sign #3: He's Erratic

You may love that he is a nonconformist, but if the guy you're dating continually demonstrates shady tendencies, like disappearing for days, binge drinking, or staying out all night and refusing to tell you where he's been, consider yourself warned.

Sign #4: He Lets You Support Him

No matter how affectionate he is, do not allow your boyfriend to live with you and not pay at least half of the rent and shared expenses. Likewise, no self-respecting man would let his girlfriend always take him out to dinner without ever reciprocating. If your boyfriend allows you to support him or needs your help to accomplish even the most mundane of tasks, he might be classic DBB.

So what do you do?

First, stop spending money on him and doing anything that he would otherwise have to pay someone to do. You may think that you're helping, but, in the long run, by allowing him to mooch off of you (both financially and emotionally), you are simply enabling his behavior and giving him no reason to change. Instead, talk to him about how you feel and be firm that you are uncomfortable dating (or living with) someone that is unemployed (or broke or lazy.) Hopefully, if he has any sense, this should be enough to motivate him. However, if not, put him to work around the house and let him work off his share of responsibilities by playing a role that women have played for decades, that of the housewife. If you don't decide to break-up, at the very least, you will have someone to cook you dinner and sign for your Ebay packages!

More dating advice:

Unhealthy relationship characteristics
How to be happily single when your friends are taken
How to meet rich men: 5 Tips to find a sugar daddy


Comments on "4 Signs to tell if your boyfriend is a loser"

michele February 28, 2014 | 8:34 AM

gender is not the issue...mutual respect and both parties pulling their weight is. If you feel your partner isnt then believe me trust your instincts because if you feel it then its true. I spent 30 years with my husband who was a charming good bloke in many ways who made promises he never kept, i supported him financially whilst he kept on " failing" ...then 3 years ago i developed cancer and lost my job....guess what he left !I am now divorced and on a low income....and feel i should have listened to my instincts and not his plausible excuses and manipulations.

Simone January 14, 2014 | 4:19 PM

Ive been with my bf for 1 year, when i met him he hwd no job but he had ways of making his $, so to admit i basicqlly set myself up in this situation that hasnt really chngd. He couldnt keep a legit job because of his attitude and his background is a disadvantage to him bcuz he cant get work. I pay my own bills rent carnote etc. he has helper a few times. But i need and want more. He has issue after issue and im getting very annoyed with his life. Oh yeah forgot to mention he lives with me. But dang im paying for it now. He is 8 yrs younger than me. I try to convince him in finding sum 1 who he is compatible with but it aint workn. Soon itll all come to an end.

Erica December 19, 2013 | 6:48 AM

I have a stay-in boyfriend who has in the past 2 years contributed to buying groceries at my request. He has all of a suddenly stopped with the contributions, all he does is bring home beers for his own consumption while I'm preparing supper for him. I have gotten sick and tired of his behavior so much that today I told him if he doesn't give money for Christmas shopping/groceries, he must leave my house, because he is restricting my chances of having a supportive man in my life. I'm still young even though I am mother or 3 boys, I would love to have someone take care of me not the other way around. I wish I could shake his brain!

AndreaBennyhoff October 28, 2013 | 7:38 AM

This is my daughters boyfriend. He sits on his butt all day and drinks. He hasn't had a job in over a year, lets her pay the rent, doesn't have a vehicle, dresses dirty and thinks he is above a minimum wage job. He constantly moves his family in with them for her to support and he has an excuse for EVERYTHING! Why she doesn't open her eyes and see this guy is a loser is beyond me! Women, WAKE UP! Guys like this never change!

Cherry September 10, 2013 | 11:14 AM

I am so sad and absolutely in such a horrible way because of my boyfriend of over ten years now. We grew up as kids together and when my husband had a stroke and passed away we re joined our old relationship from high school. He was getting a divorce and was going to come out to where I live . He had some money from the sale of his home etc. but after about the first two years he went through it. He bought an expensive car, decorated his apt. which had to be the best in our area. He bought thousands of dollars worth of new clothes for himself and new stereo equip and the list goes on. All the while I was struggling with the medical bills my husband left behind and paying to help take care of my own family. I had my car payment, my own bills etc. and now I was picking up his payments as well. I have been paying for food and everything else since we got back together. When my mother passed away he talked me into purchasing a new home in another state with him. He has only had a very low paying position in the auto sales industry over a period of years and never spends his money on me. He has several children and now grand children and I have even paid for his presents over the years for them. He had helped with the moving of all my furniture from one state to the other and helped set up the new home but he after one year he just recently got another car sales job and I am stuck in another state where my job is, living on less then I care to admit and he lives with all my beautiful furniture in my new home, which by the way is all in my own name because he had bad credit. Talk about feeling the fool. I haven't been able to see the home except once. He has had his children there to entertain, he has met all the neighbors and I am stuck as I said in another state, working and paying his way while I go without. He has mad me one promise after another that he would be sending for me but I know that it is never going to happen. I have invested everything I have into this home and I will have nothing if I lose it. My children would be so upset with me if they knew how I have been paying his way all these years. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like a fool....

Chelsea August 26, 2013 | 9:47 AM

My boyfriend does not technically live with me, but he stays with me all the time. (1 year) I pay all my living expenses, he has his own home (not in a livable condition) pays his own living expenses. He pays for everything when we go out and feels that since he pays for entertainment he should not have to contribute towards any living expenses. He eats and showers and watches tv at my house, and I do his laundry and I do the cleaning every day. All I am asking is for him to pitch in with groceries, or pay a bill. Am I asking for to much?

Darrin July 10, 2013 | 3:30 PM

Female friend of mine has a livein boyfriend of 3 years who is at least 10 years younger than her. At first it was shock and all. he brought to the table unemployment and a n old vehicle in somebody else's name. That's about it. Now my female friend is divorced ,has a good job, her own home, vehicles and 2 great kids she says he fills her voids and she does not want to be alone. Now I have sat back and have said nothing just supporting my friend. But every time we get together lately she complains about the livein. That she pays for everything...... He managed to get a job for 2 day a week but that money.he keeps to himself. He won't go get a full time job, drives her cars and is as lazy as sh"". She has to make him a honey do list and at times he won't do that. The livin has no money and I believe he thinks my female friend will provide for him like she has been doing. How can she break this cycle it's to the point I don't even want to visit her home anymore because she complains constantly about what he doesn't do. How do you get through to someone like that?

NotTheOnlyOne July 05, 2013 | 8:14 PM

I'm not the only one! I've been seeing a really nice guy on and off for 2 years. When I met him he was on unemployment. The economy has been super rocky and it's not uncommon for people to use the time they are on unemployment to change industries, go to school, decompress etc. So it wasn't a big deal that he didn't have a job. Problem is, he never really got one. Two years later he's still working odd jobs, temporary jobs, hourly jobs. He's practically 40. Has no money, bad credit and can't even open up a bank account. His appearance is embarrassing. He wears the same clothes every other day. He washes the clothes of course, but still. Yet, he has the highest opinion of himself. He likes to clown the physical appearance of others while he looks a wreck. I refuse to let him be in my house when I'm away at work. When I leave, everybody leaves. But he tries to stay over every single night. He spends all day at the library "looking" for jobs but I think he just spends all day surfing the net on the free wifi. He only has a high school diploma and doesn't appear to have ever had his own place. Always roommates. I feel bad sometimes when I get snappy with him but how much am I supposed to compromise? I'm not a stranger to work. I bust my hump. Work a full time job, 3/4 time school, have dependents to support and I pay all of my bills on my own. I don't need anybody else's money but it's nice to be able to be taken out and treated to something special. Taken on a vacation. I go out on "dates" with my best friend. He can't take me anywhere. He's a super sweet guy, very supportive and helpful but the lack of stability is just daunting. Life is serious but it's like he's just playing around.

AR. June 15, 2013 | 11:49 AM

Double sided bull----. The traditional model of a relationship is the man goes out and earns a living while the wife does the domestic work. I guess she must be a free loading parasite. There are losers of both genders who don't do their fair share. However, don't go around claiming a guy is a loser because he can't find a job. Especially with younger men work is hard to come by and they are frequently discriminated against. Women are often at an advantage since their little pink holes are in demand. Thus, work is easier to find. People should do what ever works for them. BS articles like this only put garbage in women's heads that the world should be a certain way. Of course if I pay the bills I should be able to demand and what ever else I like whenever I feel like it. Right?

mrs. ray June 10, 2013 | 6:46 PM

the worst is a loser man who has a stupid girlfriend and cheats on her someone put a note on my car talking about she is letting him go after two years but i am so dumb i keep taking him back he thinks i dont know he is still seeing this woman what i dont get is she is 10 years older than him and i am 10 years younger than him but why cant they be loyal when they are bums he should be glad i am with him after 4 years

annie June 10, 2013 | 6:41 PM

oh wow my boyfriend sounds alot like missies he lives in his parents basement and the other day when it was really hot outside he had the nerve to have a case of water in his car and said that people drink his stuff is he crazy he is living off of his parents in a dirty dark basement and he cant take a case of water upstairs it is so petty then he asked me for money on a friday and said he would pay me back on sunday but i didnt see him then on monday when i did he ask for money again so why would you need a loan on monday if you were suppose to pay me back on sunday so if i was stupid enough to give it to him i wouldnt of got it back total loser i am so tired of him he 42 and has a 5 year old son not working it is a bad example for his child to grow up and watch his dad be a bum a real man would look for a job even if he is waiting to get his old job back no job is looking to return a loser employee after two years of being off and he is a terrible dresser

missie June 10, 2013 | 6:30 PM

my friend is a total loser we are friends he has a masters degree two years ago and he is still sitting around he keeps saying he is sluggling but he buys scatch offs he has a girlfriend who is a real fool we have been lovers for two years and i have called him a bum to his face he still indicates he is returning to work after two years of being off but he lies all the time since i met him he said he is going to be a cop, lawyer, motivational speaker and now the dumb ass says he wants to be a professor ha he actually ask me for 15.00 while we were having last monday finally tired of his crap and we broke up about 10 times i put a note on his girlfriends car twice because i live around the corner from him she is so dumb she still is with him but i dont have anymore patience the is dry so i have no need for him see ya allen ray

Tiredofhisbroke--- June 08, 2013 | 9:33 AM

My boyfriend is very sweet. BUT HE IS BROKE AS A JOKE and I'm tired of it. We've been together for 9 months and he has asked me for money two-three times already. I don't have enough money to give him money and I HATE a man that asks a woman for money. However, when I complain about it he tries to step up to the plate and pay for me but I would say he has only paid for me a few times and I mostly do all of the paying. He says, "I would take care of you if I could!" but it's been 9 months and his lazy ass still is on unemployment with no job! He claims that he fills out applications all day long but i don't see it because I see him every night! Instead of seeing me every night go get a damn job! Any job hell! He has taken me to the movies on movie vouchers and taken me out to eat on ebt I just cannot take the brokeness anymore something has got to give. However, he makes an effort when I leave and come back home my house is squeaky clean because he cleans it, for my birthday he went grocery shopping with his own money and cooked me and two of my friends dinner and served us wine.He likes to cook and he does cook for me. The is through the roof amazing. we have amazing chemistry but my only issue is that I'm starting to get snappy with him and treat him bad because he doesn't have money

Florida Chic June 03, 2013 | 11:39 PM

i'm so worried about my friend's moocher boyfriend! D.J. stands for Deadbeat Jerk? Devious Jerk? and lives with my friend's grandmother, mother and his own dad won't let him come home. His shelter, food, internet, phones, tv, and even uses her truck and gas. He's done this his whole life. One broken dude!

Micks May 16, 2013 | 2:40 AM

As a man, I agree with this article. It's common sense. No woman wants a broke, lazy, loser of a man. I would feel less of a man having my girl support ME.

Ezra April 05, 2013 | 12:00 AM

Quite unfortunate we think d way we do cos of our social situation. D fact still remains, its ill for a man to depend on his woman but not a bad idea if she helps out time to time.

Jiggy Says March 28, 2013 | 4:19 PM

Excuse me, Feminists? Get a grip~! We're talking about guys who are ALWAYS broke, loser means user. If buying a woman a meal is gold digging, you're a loser! This is about respecting her. Showing her he values her. Any man who doesn't value his woman, will not be valued by any other man of value. And you being a mooch means men think your a loser, women just think you're a zero.

anna January 27, 2013 | 10:43 PM

I think I'll have to break up with my boyfriend;I'm 5 months pregnant but I can't continue to support him & still save up enough to be ok when I'll be too big to work.I'm tired of people always thinking that I'm stupid & I'm here to take care of them!especially able bodied grown men!I can't help but get a feeling of total disgust when I look at him lately.he is almost 45 & hasn't worked in the 9 months we have been together I pay all the rent all the bills everything.what kind of man thinks this is ok?he told me when we got together that he was going to look for a job & that he usually works;well I've seen no evidence of that.I feel like I've been played (again) I just didn't recognize it becuz his game had a different face.sick at heart & wonder what is wrong with this world that able bodied people can have no work ethic to speak of;the women have to wear the pants & the

Steph January 26, 2013 | 4:49 PM

My boyfriend is the first two things, but not the other two. Does this still make him a deadbeat loser? He has a plan, and does learn how to do things sometimes...but overall, he's mostly #1 and #1. Still confused.

TCRyder January 22, 2013 | 1:58 AM

I totally agree. I have had a four year relationship with a man like this and I've finally ended it. I know I was too generous which hasn't helped, but I come about 10th on his list of priorities, so I finally saw the light and decided to break free. He looks for work, but doesn't really want it and when he does get a job his behaviour makes him lose it. He could quite happily sit all day watching TV and surfing the internet. Everything about him says loser.

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