4 Signs to tell if your boyfriend is a loser

Dec 17, 2008 3:16 PM by Margeaux Baulch Klein

Posted in Love & Sex / Divorce & Breakups

Hopeless Loser Boyfriends

The difference between dating a cute, underemployed artist/actor/musician type and a cute, underemployed freeloader can be hard to distinguish. Is your man in a permanent slump? Here are four signs to watch out for and how to take control of the situation.

Loser Boyfriend

Sign #1: He's Always Broke

Deadbeat boyfriends are notorious for having a million excuses about why they are constantly broke. The economy is bad, his former boss was a jerk, he's waiting for the check to come in, etc. What they don't have, however, is a plan to turn their financial situation around.

Sign #2: He's Lazy

Do you leave the house in the morning while he's still under the covers and come home to find him parked on the couch? If he's always on Facebook, playing video games, or even if it's just a small thing like not replacing the empty toilet paper roll when it's out, laziness and a supreme lack of motivation are definite signs of deadbeat behavior.

Sign #3: He's Erratic

You may love that he is a nonconformist, but if the guy you're dating continually demonstrates shady tendencies, like disappearing for days, binge drinking, or staying out all night and refusing to tell you where he's been, consider yourself warned.

Sign #4: He Lets You Support Him

No matter how affectionate he is, do not allow your boyfriend to live with you and not pay at least half of the rent and shared expenses. Likewise, no self-respecting man would let his girlfriend always take him out to dinner without ever reciprocating. If your boyfriend allows you to support him or needs your help to accomplish even the most mundane of tasks, he might be classic DBB.

So what do you do?

First, stop spending money on him and doing anything that he would otherwise have to pay someone to do. You may think that you're helping, but, in the long run, by allowing him to mooch off of you (both financially and emotionally), you are simply enabling his behavior and giving him no reason to change. Instead, talk to him about how you feel and be firm that you are uncomfortable dating (or living with) someone that is unemployed (or broke or lazy.) Hopefully, if he has any sense, this should be enough to motivate him. However, if not, put him to work around the house and let him work off his share of responsibilities by playing a role that women have played for decades, that of the housewife. If you don't decide to break-up, at the very least, you will have someone to cook you dinner and sign for your Ebay packages!

More dating advice:

Unhealthy relationship characteristics
How to be happily single when your friends are taken
How to meet rich men: 5 Tips to find a sugar daddy

Comments

Comments on "4 Signs to tell if your boyfriend is a loser"

As a man, I agree with this article. It's common sense. No woman wants a broke, lazy, loser of a man. I would feel less of a man having my girl support ME.

Quite unfortunate we think d way we do cos of our social situation. D fact still remains, its ill for a man to depend on his woman but not a bad idea if she helps out time to time.

Excuse me, Feminists? Get a grip~! We're talking about guys who are ALWAYS broke, loser means user. If buying a woman a meal is gold digging, you're a loser! This is about respecting her. Showing her he values her. Any man who doesn't value his woman, will not be valued by any other man of value. And you being a mooch means men think your a loser, women just think you're a zero.

I think I'll have to break up with my boyfriend;I'm 5 months pregnant but I can't continue to support him & still save up enough to be ok when I'll be too big to work.I'm tired of people always thinking that I'm stupid & I'm here to take care of them!especially able bodied grown men!I can't help but get a feeling of total disgust when I look at him lately.he is almost 45 & hasn't worked in the 9 months we have been together I pay all the rent all the bills everything.what kind of man thinks this is ok?he told me when we got together that he was going to look for a job & that he usually works;well I've seen no evidence of that.I feel like I've been played (again) I just didn't recognize it becuz his game had a different face.sick at heart & wonder what is wrong with this world that able bodied people can have no work ethic to speak of;the women have to wear the pants & the

My boyfriend is the first two things, but not the other two. Does this still make him a deadbeat loser? He has a plan, and does learn how to do things sometimes...but overall, he's mostly #1 and #1. Still confused.

I totally agree. I have had a four year relationship with a man like this and I've finally ended it. I know I was too generous which hasn't helped, but I come about 10th on his list of priorities, so I finally saw the light and decided to break free. He looks for work, but doesn't really want it and when he does get a job his behaviour makes him lose it. He could quite happily sit all day watching TV and surfing the internet. Everything about him says loser.

@ Alpha. I fail to see how expecting someone else to both support you and do ALL of the housework is equality by any stretch of the imagination. Equality means both partners contributing, not a swing to women becoming the breadwinner in lieu of the man. Your remarks show a genuine resentment towards women, but given the genuine resentment towards men in this topic thread I suppose that makes you feel somewhat better. I myself have been charmed by a deadbeat; although he is bipolar so I have been granting leeway as he makes efforts. It is not who makes more money (man or woman) it is a matter of even making an effort. If a man works all day while his wife stayed home, trust me, he would expect a clean house, well tended children, and dinner on the table. If he came home and found his woman sitting on her butt playing video games or smoking weed, he too might just resent this inequity. It swings both ways. Obviously not all of these women in here care about a man only for money; they are working to support both themselves AND the man. The man needs to contribute I should think. If he isn't, then I would have to say the term deadbeat most definitely applies and it has nothing whatsover to do with women's rights or what you perceive to be their ulterior motives concerning men. Thanks for your time.

I'm in a similar situation although my boyfriend of 2 yrs has always had a job that payed him $2 less per hr than my job (not that much different). I pay for the cost of living for both of us (rent,utilities,food,and even pay when we go out most of the time.He pays for his is own car payments, credit cards, phone, etc.. I'm beating myself up giving up all the things I would like to have by providing for us while he only pays what he personally owes on his own expenses (What he racked up on credit cards and payday loans was never used to help me/US...(sigh)

this describes my sister's boyfriend to the letter! I have talked to her repeatedly about this because she is always venting to me, but she never follows through.

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now and every time i ask him to come and visit he has an excuse i cant because i dont want to depend on anyone to bring me there and back, but at once or twice a week he calls me and ask for money and when i tell him i dont have it he hangs up and does not call me until the next night but he borrows his dads car from time to time and i will tell him hey bae can you come over while u have the car he goes no unless you have some gas money whoa i finally broke up with him and now im stress free

Laziness is the WORST for me. I don't mind sleeping in every now and then and watching movies, but please, let's make sure we live in a clean environment and pay our bills. Laziness is definitely the most unattractive quality that a guy can have.

I think this article should be for both men and woman. But yes if the guy is not doing the things we need him to do like have a job,or always broke, lazy, etc. he has got to go. but like i said i still stand by what i said. it should be for both male and female. if one is doing all the working then the other no matter what , should be doing all the house work. I think im about to let mine go myself. my man has a job. and the only reason he has keeped it is because i wont stay with a loser that doesnt have one. im pregnant right now. but he spends his money on weed all the time and is very quick to take money out of my bank acc. i know we live together and about to have a baby. but if you cant even have money in your wallet and pay for gas on the car that i paid for but have plenty to spend on weed then you have got to go after a while. i dont care. im giving chances left and right. if he doesnt get it after his son is born then ill leave his ass. its not hard to raise a child. i dont care what people say. if you dont spend money on stupid things you will always have money for rent, food, and bills. fun can wait. and guys... if your getting mad at the article then you know there is something wrong with you

I just woke up the other day,there are so many men with good qualities out there that I can have and help me out even better with my life/career goals then my current bf has helped me with. My bf qualifies for most of those categories, although for #2 he's really motivated for himself to be famous #3 I think he leaves for acting gigs, not sure if he's always going to them which kinda worries me, and he does conform to the ball cap wearing skate boarding, surf boarding, wake board, snow boarding crowd, that's his mentality- boards and ball caps, he even wears ball caps inside buildings which seems disrespectful. I've come to realize he's just about all around not that bright of a person in every area of his life, he's not school smart, book smart, politically smart, common sense smart, street smart, financial smart, family smart as he disconnects himself with everybody, life smart, he's deceptive, lies, manipulates- he has me supporting his ass-he's a good actor in person. He's good looking though, what do I do?

To the guys commenting here who are taking offense - this article is NOT talking about men who are unemployed because of the recession. It's talking about men who are lazy and unmotivated and free loading off others. It's about men who don't take responsibility and are immature..not good guys who have a temporary lapse of employment or hit a rough patch in life. There is a HUGE difference. And as women, we know the difference between the hard working guys with integrity and self respect and those who don't mind spending their lives hanging out with their friends and doing nothing.

Since the beginning of time when GOD handed down punishment to Adam & Eve, it has always been a man’s lot in life to “sweat for his existence”. The terminology of “Equal rights” is used interchangeably by men who wish to shirk their responsibilities. There is a difference between supporting a man with prior success who has fallen on hard times and a man who lacks ambition to begin with. It is a man’s duty to provide for his family, this is why men are more likely to receive a higher salary than a woman with the same professional and educational background. In the workplace men are promoted more often and taken more seriously professionally. It is a man’s responsibility to make a woman feel safe and protected in a relationship. If I am speaking falsely, take a look at movies and television. Why are 99.9% of super heroes men? Most women look for a man that is financially stable so that he can hold his own without her support. There are women who would take a man making 60k a year even though they make six figures providing that he has ambition and goals for the future. When a man does not or cannot provide for his family or the woman in his life, it is the FASTEST way to lose the respect of those around him. Money is power!

My daughter's new boyfriend is like her personal slave at my expense. I found out that while she was away at college she was using her college loan money (and my supplemental money) to pay for his numerous visits and other things. When she is home, he is here mooching off us for meals, and loafing around. He is ALWAYS there. I finally told her what I thought and now she has left to be with him (probably again at my expense). I intend to cut off the money once she graduates from college but until then, looks like I am stuck paying for her personal assistant boy friend.

I just turned 20. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. After H.S we stayed in our hometown to study together in our local university. After 3 semesters I am still enrolled with 2 part time jobs at the mall, and my boyfriend is on suspension, and has never worked. I pay for everything, dates, food, movies, gas, etc. He "tries" to get a job but there is always an excuse. I love him, I do, the years before graduation, or before things got complicated with responsibilities I was so happy with our relationship. Now I'm afraid everything I loved about him is gone since he does nothing but play video games, and constantly check FB. I have a lot of goals set for myself and leaving my hometown is one of them, I'd love for him to come along but I'm confused if he's really worth it. I love him, but I'm not sure if there is anything left to love.

I was recently dating a guy with some of these traits until I broke up with him..I just got tired of it and guys like this really turn me off that are not responsible..they dont know or care to save for a rainy day most of the times they are also very immature..a child inside a grown adult mans body..I think if women lower their standards and allow a guy to treat them like this they will..and they will take advantage of that..I think some women just get desperate they prefer to stay in a unhealthy realtionship rather than not be in one they see all their friends in relationships..and some just have low self esteem they dont value themselves..so they just put up with this type of stuff from the guy they are dating.

This sounds like my boyfriend. I am 20 turning 21 i go to school part-time and work 2 jobs. Im planning on moving out in feb. But my boyfriend has never had a job and does not go to school. I have always given him what he wants. It really sucks not having a boyfriend treat you to dinner or pay for a movie. He is the best guy ever. And i love him but i really can not do this much longer. We have been together for 3 years and im ready for the next step. But if he doesnt get a job or go to school soon we are going to have a problem. I am so lost in what to do. I've laid the law down.I have done everything.Someone please help me!

I am currently dating someone who I've been with for almost a year. When we first started dating he had a job and got fired a couple of weeks later. Later on when things became more serious, we moved in together. He still didn't have a job, so I a family member of mine got him a job at their workplace... He quit the job because "it doesn't suit me" he says. We are now still dating while he is staying at his friend's house. I believe in equal rights and I know the economy is bad, but when I'm working and going to school full-time to come home to dirty dishes and laundry..it makes me angry. Not to mention he doesn't even try to look for a job. So for all of these guys on here saying this article sucks and that it doesn't sound like what you do because you bought a house ya de ya de yahh...obviously we're not talking about you.