The good news is you can still get on the same page. But to do that, you have to be realistic about what a marriage is. If you're sitting there thinking that it's supposed to be date nights and rose petals all over the bed and all good times, you are bound to be seriously disappointed. There is nothing wrong with your marriage if you're dealing with bills, kids, the broken garbage disposal, in-laws, and work demands. That's a normal marriage. But if you never thought that's what marriage would involve, then you're going to be upset. You're going to think there's something wrong. So right away, you need to get clear: This isn't a long date. It's a marriage.
Robin: Phillip and I were together two and a half, almost three, years before we got married, and we used that entire time to learn. It was important that I learn about what sort of husband he wanted to be, and for him to learn what kind of wife I wanted to be, and what kind of mother I wanted to be, how I wanted to live my life as his wife. And then we were able to approach it from a point of "How do we want to create this life together?"
Dr. Phil: And it's never too late to do that. It's not too late to sit down with your husband and say, "I think we need to come to an understanding about what I can give to you, and what you can give to me, and what we can really expect from each other." That's a whole lot better than walking around resenting each other because you've got unrealistic expectations that aren't being met. And I think it's important to talk about potential problems while you're in smooth water. Don't wait until you're in a crisis to come up with a crisis plan.
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