Create a "safe zone" by making it clear you won't freak out or judge him if he reveals a turn-on that's not up your alley. Manage his expectations by adding, "This doesn't mean I'll be up for doing it, but hearing it makes me feel closer to you."
Avoid the open-ended query, "What are your fantasies?" It puts him on the spot, and he could blurt out something scary (like he has the hots for your friend). Instead, try, "Do you ever fantasize about us? What are we doing?" This way, he can share some safer musings.
Treat him to a game of multiple choice with questions like, "What would turn you on — me dressed up as a nurse, a schoolgirl, or in head-to-toe leather?" He'll be able to reveal his preferences without implying that he's unhappy with what you've currently got going in bed.
It may feel safer for both of you to start by talking about someone else's steamy imaginings — a scene from a movie, an erotic book, or that "friend of a friend" who's dabbling in S&M. From there, you can easily get more personal by asking, "So, do you ever fantasize about that?"
Whatever he tells you, reward his efforts with a "Thank you — I love knowing that about you, and I'm glad you shared it with me." You'll lay the groundwork for intimate talks in the future.
Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc. Originally Published: What Does He Really Want in Bed?
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