In this day and age, are minds are on total overload — we're lookin' at you social media. Most of us know in the back of our minds that it's bad for our health, but did it ever dawn on you that constantly being plugged in is bad for your sex life, too?
A lot of us are way too "in our heads" to fully enjoy sex, and we aren't orgasming as a result. But by letting go and bringing things back to basics, we can reach orgasm so much easier — with no special sex tricks or skills involved.
Try one of these subtle moves this week to get back in the game, and don't forget to leave your phone in the other room.
Sexy moments can strike when you least expect them. So seize the chance to spice up a night on the couch. "Have him use his fingertips to slowly, gently caress your skin," suggests sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "The light, sensual touch creates a tingling sensation that will wake up your body while also relaxing you for sex."
Back in high school, you probably had rules for how far you'd go: under the shirt, over the pants, and so on. Well, the teenage you was on to something. "It can be pleasurable torture to play with each other over your underwear, teasing and stroking through the fabric," says sex coach Patti Britton, Ph.D. "You're building up the anticipation, so when you finally do have skin-on-skin contact, it'll be that much more explosive and exciting."
Let's be honest: Most people are just grateful to be getting a oral sex. But that's no excuse to rest on your laurels. Rather than simply moving up and down, use your tongue to slowly wind around his member or her clitoris. "Swirl up the shaft with the tip of your tongue. When you're at the top, slide your whole mouth down and then up, with a sucking motion," suggests sex therapist Carole Altman, Ph.D., author of Don't Have Sex Again Until You Read This Book.
Rather than simply making a beeline for his below-the-belt region, create a slow burn with featherlight kisses. Start by kissing eyelashes, then the corner of the mouth, the jaw, and the collarbone. Next, kiss your partner's nipples, chest, down along the treasure trail and over to one hip bone, then the other. "You're building up anticipation as you make that slow, seductive crawl," says Altman. "And the randomness of your kisses keeps nerves on high alert as his/her brain and body try to figure out where you're going next."
For greater stimulation in missionary position, try this: "Hook your knees over your partner's shoulders," suggests Britton. "The angle puts more pressure on the clitoris, giving you a better chance of achieving orgasm." Clench your butt and lift your pelvis to create more friction and make your climactic moment even more mind-blowing.
Give a jolt during sex by gently nipping your partner's shoulders or earlobe. "When you're in the heat of passion, you may go more into your head than your body," explains Brame. "A little pain snaps you both back to the moment."
You love you-on-top because you can control the speed, angle, and motion; your partner loves you-on-top because he/she can just lie back and watch. But what lazybones might not realize is that sitting up can enhance the pleasure even more. "Not only can you both do more with your arms and hands, but the sex is also more intimate with your torsos pressed together," says Britton.
A little unpredictability during sex can make the experience even more intense for you. "While in missionary, have your partner tease you by mixing up the movements: slipping in just a little, going in halfway, and thrusting deeply, in random order," suggests Britton. Two short strokes followed by a long one, three deep ones in a row followed by two quick teases...you get the point.
Although your inner bad girl may get off on the idea of being caught in the act, the real you may not feel right about sneaking off to a bar bathroom. But you can feed any secret exhibitionist appetites by doing the deed in front of a window with the lights out. "Stand up against the window, facing out," says Britton. You'll get a rush from just the possibility of being watched.
No matter what position you're in, you can enhance the experience by gently exhaling on each other's skin. "You're already feeling pleasure in your genitals, but this move adds soft, steamy heat to other sensitive areas like your neck, your nipples, or the inside of your wrists, giving you tingles from head to toe," says Britton.
Next Up: 11 more sexy moves for the bedroom
Originally published January 2008. Updated January 2017.
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