Not every bride-to-be has been dreaming of walking down the aisle in a fluffy white dress since she was a little girl. Some women just want to marry their significant other without all the pomp and circumstance -- for example, the months of tedious planning, being the center of attention and hunting down that elusive bridesmaid dress that will flatter all ten attendants in your wedding party. If this rings a bell, then you're suffering from anti-bridal symptoms. Here's how to deal.
The gown
If the thought of going into a big name bridal shop and trying on traditional gowns makes you break out in hives, than you should avoid them at all costs. Channel your inner Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City (who did in fact break out when trying on a gown during the TV series) and pick out a simple off-the-rack outfit you will feel comfortable and attractive wearing. It doesn't have to be white. It doesn't have to be formal and it doesn't have to be designer. It's your anti-wedding, so pick out a style that suits you.
Bridesmaids
If you even choose to have bridesmaids, let them pick out their own dresses. This will not only save them some money, it will ensure that the dress they pick flatters their own body type. Everyone is happy! Even better, they really will be able to wear it again.
Bridal shower
If you don't like being the center of attention, than you will probably dread opening up all your presents in front of a room full of people at your bridal shower. People will probably buy you presents regardless, so if you can, skip the bridal shower all together.
If you can't avoid the shower, than take freelance writer Jessica Murphy's suggestion and ask your guests to not wrap their presents. That way you can just display the gifts for everyone to see, thank everyone and enjoy a nice leisurely lunch mingling with your guests. Not only will this save you from having all eyes on you as you open each gift, but it will also help salvage the environment by saving all that wasted paper on your anti-style.
As far as the bachelorette party goes, consider taking advantage of this. You don't have to plan it -- you just have to attend. Even that anti-bride should enjoy a girls only weekend getaway. Ask yourself, why not?
Prep time
People have been known to throw a wedding together in just a few short months, so don't think you have to waste a whole year trying to get everything planned. You don't need all the trappings -- so find a decent venue that you and your hubby can live with for the reception. Ask a friend to photograph the wedding. Use your iPod if you can't find a DJ on short notice. Create your own invitations and then, just show up to say 'I do'. Since you're not too concerned about the frills, you won't have to spend forever needlessly stressing over the plans. As long as you say your "I Do's," there's not much else to worry about.
If you still want people to be impressed and have a good time, hire a wedding planner that understands your lack of desire for frills and thrills. That way, she will keep it simple and everything will stay in order.
Focus on him
The essence of being an anti-bride is that you don't get all caught up in the little things. Stay true to yourself even though most people will expect you to dive into planning every detail and will offer up a dozen bridal magazines for ideas. Whether you skip the big-to-do and slip off to Vegas or you have a low-key affair, embrace your inner anti-bride and just enjoy marrying the person you love.
Trash the dress
Another non-traditional idea is to "trash" the dress after the big day. More and more brides are opting to use their dresses creatively in a photo shoot after the wedding ceremony. They choose a setting that destroys the wedding dress as the newleyweds take an adventure together. Check out this example:
Comments on "The anti-bride: Planning a non-traditional wedding"
Tynia February 12, 2013 | 11:33 AM
I'm getting married in a little under 3 weeks. My bridal shower was completely non traditional. I had an 80's themed Zumba party. We dressed in 80's attire and had a hour long Zumba class. As a way to incorporate my mom who passed away from breast cancer 10 years ago, my guests donated to a local organization called Hooked on Hope in lieu of gifts. I wasnt sure how my guests would like it since it was pretty far from traditional, but everyone seemed to be having a blast and felt good about donating to a good cause.
karen February 07, 2013 | 8:15 AM
I am marrying the love of my life in a simple ceremony in Deadwood, SD. I love winter and snow, so we will be married in the snow. I am looking for some nontraditional ideas for wedding attire for myself. We are older and this is not the first marriage for either. Please help.
Angelina June 23, 2012 | 1:05 PM
Hi... my husband and I are getting "married again" our anniversary when we got together is september 11,1992 we got married december 10th 1994 had the big catholic church wedding i wore the lavish gown my bridesmaids wore hunter green velvet form fitting dresses with a slit up to their thigh. guys wore black tux's with matching vests..IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.. 2012 we will be together for 20 years and very much in love and we are going to ELOPE!!! LAS VEGAS (with our kids and grandkids my mother his parents).. I want to wear jeans and heels.. I CANT FIND A TOP!! :( this makes me sad.. I want a halter top but long enough to my hips BUT FANCY... Im a size 16w please point me in the direction of where to shop??? ONE MORE WUESTION.. what is this marriage called? because they are two different dates we aren't "renewing our vows right"?
Debra February 12, 2012 | 4:28 PM
We didn't exactly have the anti-wedding, but my husband was in the military and everytime we set the date, something happened and we had to cancel and make new arrangements. Finally I told him I wanted to get married the next day, didn't care who came or not, would call all our friends to meet us at the marriage commissioner's house and we'd just do it. Well, I changed into my long white wedding gown speeding down the freeway in the back of my friend's van while my soon to be husband rode with another friend. We got the there, a few friends were able to make it, his parents were able to make it, my family was too far away. Again everytime we got ready to start the construction workers building a house next door started making racket. I finally went over, told the foreman if he would give me 15 minutes to marry the man of my dreams, he and the crew were invited to the wedding. So I had my new in-laws, 5 friends and 27 construction workers at my wedding. We celebrate 28 years this September.
Lacey January 31, 2012 | 9:42 AM
I eloped with my high shcool sweetheart. He was the first man I ever kissed and my mother hated him. Every one had been telling me it was just puppy love since I was 15 and that I had no idea what love was yet. So when I was 19 we moved into a cheap hotel room together and made a quick trip to the courthouse. I remember it like everything was enveloped in this cascading gold light... when we finished saying our vows we just clung to each other and cried. I don't think any one else deserved to be there for that perfect moment. I don't care that I didn't give my mother her perfect white wedding. We got back on his motorcycle and started OUR LIFE, together. We did take some wedding photos, he wore his trench coat and blue chucks and I wore a vintage lace gown from a thrift store rack with my green chucks. It's been 5 years, we have a 2 yr. old and a bun in the oven and I've never once wished I'd had a big exhausting wedding. Love should be about Love and nothing else.
HOLLIE BEAR October 06, 2009 | 12:33 PM
IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW....MY FIRST WEDDING WAS FOR MY MOM, WE WERE MARRIED ONE YEAR AND ONE DAY AFTER WE FIRST MET! WE MET 07/04/85(FIREWORKS!) ENGAGED ON 11/14/85 AND MARRIED 07/08/86! WE HAD A WEDDING GUEST LIST OF 550 PEOPLE AND THE CEREMONY WAS AT 5:00 P.M....IT WAS HOT AND FOR MOST OF THE TIME I WAS JUST SO DETATCHED FROM WHAT WAS GOING ON AROUND ME, WELL LETS JUST SAY I DO REMEMBER THE CEREMONY, JUST NOT TO MUCH ELSE! NOW, MY SECOND WEDDING 06/27/94 WAS PURE JOY! JUST FAMILY, MINISTER, FLOWERS, CAKE, SPARKLING CIDER, AND THE BEST PART OF IT ALL I MARRIED MY VERY BEST FRIEND, MY LOVER, MY JOY, FLESH OF MY FLESH AND BONE OF MY BONE! LARGE WEDDINGS ARE HIGHLY OVER RATED ! I LOVED THE VERY INTIMATE CEREMONY AT HOME! OH YEAH...THIS WONDERFUL MAN THAT I MARRIED THE SECOND TIME AROUND IS MY ULTIMATE BLESSING!
K Pollock-Clemett April 21, 2009 | 10:28 AM
Ours was the true anti-wedding. We got married on June 6th, 2006 (figure it out) I wore a black gown with a dark blue crinoline & big black boots, hubby wore a top hat & carried a skull walking stick. Our cake was blue & black. We didn't bother with all the boring crap, no speeches, first dance, bridesmaids or a rubber chicken/tired beef sit down dinner.
We got married in our backyard & then we wandered over to a beautiful neighbourhood bisto where we had booked the top floor for drinks & passed hors d'oeuvres.
I was never interested in traditional weddings with me in a big white dress & lots of flowers. Our wedding was perfect! I married the man I love, we had fun & our guests had fun...what more could you ask for on your wedding day!
Victoria April 21, 2009 | 7:05 AM
I appreciated this article, especially since I had a simple yet very happy wedding. However, I don't like the term "Anti-Bride" since its kind of negative. I love a simple meaningful ceremony and celebration but that doesn't make me an "anti."
leslie July 26, 2008 | 9:20 PM
I love this article! This is exactly how I feel about my wedding that is coming up in October. I've had some moments where its been aggravating, but going the cheaper/laid back route is exactly what I wanted:)
Carolyn Gerin July 24, 2008 | 5:43 PM
Great article, written by a true Anti-Bride. I created the book series and I really like what you have to say.
All the best
Carolyn Gerin
www.antibride
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