Breaking Up
& Starting Over

If your love life is dragging you down, it may be time to kiss your current relationship goodbye. It's time to take stock of the good, the bad and the ugly truth and make the necessary changes to improve your romantic future. Berlow we share advice on dealing with a breakup.

Ask yourself the tough questions

Start by confronting the emotions that have been building for awhile.  What is your attitude toward your partner?  Do you really love this person anymore?  Is your relationship a positive force in your life? Prolonging what makes you and your partner feel bad is not only unhealthy, it can sometimes be cruel.

Formalize it

It's all too easy to be wishy-washy about a breakup. By making it official, you eliminate confusion and bad feelings down the line. Write a letter.  In it, you might outline all the positive things that your relationship has been, what's been going on lately and why it has fizzled.  Read the letter first yourself.  Do the problems that you've listed seem fixable? If not, then it's time to deliver it.   Sit down for a "meeting" in a neutral location.  Keep the tone as upbeat as possible and don't place blame on yourself or your partner.  Tell them that you're happy for what you had, but it's not working any more.

End it

Make a plan for what will happen after the initial breakup. Taper contact slowly if you need to.  It's likely that the longer the relationship, the longer it will take to truly separate.  If you live together, consider moving out right away.  See each other only when necessary, and then move your contact to phone, then to e-mail.  If tapering is proving too painful, don't be afraid to cut things off cold turkey.  Either way, the worst thing you can do once you've cut off or slowed down contact is to ramp it up again (even if that means ignoring birthdays, holidays or anniversaries entirely).

Put yourself in single mode

This doesn't mean jumping into a rebound relationship.  Instead, rally your single friends around you, dig out your fun clothes, and go out.  Meet new people of all kinds. Ask to be introduced to friends of friends to expand your social circle.

Focus on what makes you happy

Combat loneliness by taking up a new hobby, sport, or activity. Try new bars, restaurants, and stores.  Focus on the activities that make you happy and make them a part of your weekly routine. The less you focus on your breakup, the more you'll focus on the potential for a happier life.

Comments

Comments on "How to end a bad relationship"

Tim February 13, 2014 | 9:44 PM

When someone is mooching off you, denying you love, , threatening you, spending all of your money. It is important to cut off cold turkey. Realize the other people in your life who really love you unconditionally and spend time with them. Seek out people who generally love you and don't waste your time with those who love your money.

Tired of his BS June 29, 2013 | 4:45 AM

A bad relationship, is when that person acts good, great, loving, caring, interested, generous, helpful, sweet, funny and Hard working, Always with Wondering eyes, guawking at other females in front of me always. Most weekends he likes to hang with his friends not me. And this is his act right stage.. Then after awhile, usually 2 weeks, he Does this disrespectful, self centered, selfish, drunk saying things like " I will do what I want, when I want, where I want, and I dont got to ask for your permission, or tell you!" In a mean, loud, hateful voice. he becomes annoying, I feel frightened for my life, I know how to stay quite and not amp up the situation, talk about-- Mulit personalities!! I have tried everything to tell him to move/ get out, he has. But always comes back with bigger and a longer time of "act right" BUT if it didn't work the first Time, the second or even the third. Obviously it's not going to work EVER! There is something that he just won't go and leave me alone! I tell him it is ok, to move forward please do, if you do not love me then why are you with me? Stop wasting your time and my time. life is too short to be anything but happy! Wish me luck... I got a true wierdo! Four years of: Wasted time, they say its learning.. Well I learned that if you see a red flag more than once, end the relationship! Don't waste your time making him you priority, when he is only making you an option.

Mary November 06, 2011 | 12:52 PM

This particular article offered great advice. I know the saying "to each their own" is certainly true, but if you are truly moving forward, it is extremely important to stay active and do things that make you happy. This will alieviate the stress that has accumulated during the bad relationship,and often times, you may meet someone in your new path of happiness that sparks your interest! Best wishes and be good to yourself.

brandi June 17, 2008 | 5:19 PM

i found this site looking for a layout @ myspace geeks and i just got out of a 7month relation ship yer articles are so inspiring

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