But take heart in knowing that each time we go back in and find ourselves in the same stuck place (which is usually inevitable), we have still learned something. Although this can be a painful realization, what we've experienced is more clarity about the relationship than we had before and what we've learned is why it still doesn't work.
It takes a long time to convince the heart and emotions that something really doesn't work, even though our head is telling us to leave and stay out. Repeated pain seems to get the message to our hearts that "I just can't do this anymore."
It's when we slip into our fantasy about the relationship that we have our doubts. The more reality-based we are, the less we doubt our decision, and the stronger we get. We may need to go back in several times to hold onto the reality that it's over when we leave. One day it just happens that we're done.
There are no rules or time lines for ending a relationship. It is by staying with your truth that the end will naturally come, without force or will. So if you've gotta go back in to get back out, do it with consciousness and choice, and to become clear about your decision. When you know deep inside it is time to leave for good, you will.
2. Don't be hard on yourself - that just weakens you.
3. Go back in with consciousness, observing and learning again what doesn't work.
4. There are no time lines about when you should be done
5. Sometimes if you don't go back in, it can take even longer to really let go.
Please note that the opinions expressed in this article relate only to individuals in non-abusive relationships, and DO NOT apply to individuals in abusive relationships. I strongly advise that any individual, who is currently involved in an abusive relationship, or is contemplating leaving or returning to an abusive relationship, seek professional help immediately. Please check the internet to locate domestic violence services available to you in your community.
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