Can You Keep Him
From Cheating?

If a guy's getting all he needs at home, does that mean he won't stray?
Why does he cheat?

The question

Dear Ashtyn, I am one of your male readers. I have posted this question on various other forums on the Internet and have received a mix of replies. I am of the firm belief that men who have women willing to have sex with them as often as the man wants are less likely to cheat on their women. If a woman wants to keep her man, she needs to keep him happy. What do you think? You're the expert. I should point out that the rates for men cheating on women are much higher, supporting my theory.

- Curious about Pleasing

The sex expert responds

Hey Curious -- thanks for your email!

I think if you did a study of men who cheat (and one might be out there, I will have to look it up) you will find that just the opposite is true. I am sure that there are plenty of guys out there who cheat because they think their girlfriends aren't giving them enough sex, but I also believe that cheating is more about control and less about the frequency of time a man has sex.

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The reason I believe this is because there are plenty of ways for a man to have an orgasm all by himself. If a man is devoted to a woman who isn't giving him enough sex, his first response isn't going to be to go out and cheat. A man with sense doesn't ruin a good relationship by cheating simply for that.

Whether it is done subconsciously or not, 9 out of 10 men cheat because they want a way out of their relationship. Most of them are not man enough to just break up with their girlfriend or wife, so they find a way to make it happen. It's all about being satisfied with the relationship as a whole and not just the sex.

You might be surprised to know that a new study has been released about women -- which supports my belief it is more about power than sex frequency. The study shows that the more women become the breadwinners in their family, the more likely they are to cheat on their husbands -- so by the same token women are just as guilty as men are in this. While women are not as likely to cheat as men are overall, the numbers of women who cheat on their boyfriends or spouses are growing by leaps and bounds.

There are many reasons why people cheat. Sure, I agree some people fool around on the side because their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse isn't giving them enough sex -- still, I don't feel that is the sole reason. Power, control, the need to separate from their significant other, and perhaps even fear play all a role in why people are apt to cheat on their spouse.

Cheating is a self-destructive behavior. To all those considering cheating on their spouse or lover, I suggest talking about it and telling your partner about the feelings behind your desire to "get some" somewhere else. Running away from a problem doesn't solve anything -- and it is true when they say, the truth can set you free… literally.

Read more:

4 Ways to sweep him off his feet
6 Steps to a sexy massage
5 Things he wants you to say in bed

Comments

Comments on "Sex frequency & the desire to cheat"

relationship101s.com August 09, 2011 | 10:52 AM

Great article. Frequency often isn't the issue, more typically it's the inability to suppress inherent biological urges in favor of traditional monogamy. Both es are guilty of this, as you stated. I don't think men cheat because they're not getting the same ol on a more regular basis, I think they cheat simply because they grow numb to it and end up tapping into their primal urges to fornicate.

MJ February 23, 2011 | 9:47 AM

I've been with my wife for 18 years. Never cheated. Other women look nice and I admire their beauty. But my wife will always be the most beautiful to me. With regard to frequency, after 2 weeks of abstinence, I feel like we're teenagers again. I say abstinence makes the heart GROW fonder.

gennie October 05, 2010 | 1:26 PM

My husband and I have been married for 29 years, he has cheated at least half of them with 2 different women. I was so devastated,that i went out and did it also. felt awful afterwards. I was so hurt that I wanted to end it but we are trying to make it work. There will never be trust,but hopefully we will grow old together.

Iza September 16, 2008 | 1:35 PM

Being a passionate women..I have to admit.I have cheated total of 5 times and I cheated TILL..I got sick of myself and saw a good therpist and started taking meds..I realzied I was a addict..it happens..till this day NO ONE KNOWS my dark secret. NEVER WILL EITHER.

delphinus August 12, 2008 | 10:20 PM

be very careful of reltionships at work too...my 1st hub had an affair with a colleague and i ended up dumped with 2 kids...my present hub had a fling with a colleague but called it off before it gets worse...but she called me and inform me of the said fling so as to get back at him...my hub was apologetic about the whole incident...i was in a daze this has to happen to me twice in both my marriages...i almost walk out on my marriage...i want a DIVORCE badly...but i stayed, for the kids...and after that, my hub was a change man...for the better...

shaunte July 25, 2008 | 12:56 PM

i have been in my only relationship for 8+ years. i have takena break from him behind his cheating. now, i never cheated, there was a period of time when i was the 'bread-winner' and didnt wnt to cheat. but he did/does. he wont admit that of course. you say that men may do it because they want out of the relationship and wont just say that, but what does it mean when they try their hardest to keep the relationship going when you leave? if they want out and you give them that, why do they beg to stay?....and still want to cheat?!!! crazy!

naidine May 16, 2008 | 6:29 AM

i met ,y boyfriend in 2006.up until today our love for one another is still strong and better every day.i will admit that the road has'nt been that smooth through out the relationship.but we still trust and love one another.the is very great every time i'm with and i don't picture my self ever cheating on him and i have't got anything suspicious from him as well.i must say i love the way things are and he makes me very happy.

sexyhusband May 12, 2008 | 4:36 PM

Why does it always have to be the guy take cheats? I meet my wife in the summer of 2003 and married her a year later. She claimed she was from a bad marriage that he abused her and cheated on her all the time. LOL, she even gave me permission to be with other women, saying "I understand the needs of a man." BULL SH**! She had no idea of my needs and understandings. We seperated last April because she cheated and til this very day I have not had intercousre with anyone since I met her. To put it simple...I love the girl very much and miss her. Like I say, "love feels like heaven, but hurts like hell, when she isn't there." To me, anyone that cheats, doesn't deserve, nor have any idae what love is. To me, it is a gift from God, and that isn't the way to show Him you appericated His gift. Maybe, next time you ask for something, you might not get it. Anyway, climing off the soapbox for now, just remember, it isn't always the man who cheats.

Tried It All April 30, 2008 | 1:16 PM

I'll like to say one thing it don't matter how much a man get at home he'll still cheat. I was in a relationship where I know we had at less 5 to 6 times a day in every way you can think of anal oral how ever and he still got catch cheat. So I know frequency don't matter Men are just as much s than some women thats what I think.

a.fahmi April 24, 2008 | 4:39 AM

i think isn't every thing in any relatiomship and if there are any problem in the from any one whatever from man or woman they mayn't feel by that problem if they have areal love between them .any problem in can be solve but any peoblem in love is hard to solve as love is agreat feelings if we lose them we lose everything and lose Enjoying in .

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