Tips to help kids during divorce

Fighting over the kids-custody, visitation, parenting-is the worst possible thing that can happen. It's always ugly. Studies show that harm to children is more closely related to conflict after the divorce. "Everyone has conflict before and during a divorce, but if you want to protect your children, get finished with the conflict and resolve it, at least within yourself, as quickly as possible," says divorce specialist attorney Ed Sherman, author of How to Do Your Own Divorce in California, the famous book that launched Nolo Press and self-help law.

 

To protect the essential parent-child relationship, you have to insulate children from your own conflict with their other parent, he says. The divorce is not their problem; it's yours. Being a bad wife or husband does not make your spouse a bad parent. So don't hold the children hostage - they are not pawns or bartering pieces in your game. When it comes to the parenting schedule, don't bargain with your spouse on any other basis than what will give your children the most stability and the best contact with both parents. Sherman offers the following tips to divorcing parents:

 

To protect your child from almost unbearable pain, don't say anything bad about the other parent in front of the child

 

 

Don't undermine or interfere in any way with the child's relationship with or love for the other parent

 

 

Don't put the child in a position of having to take sides

 

 

Do encourage every possible kind of constructive relationship your child can have with your ex-mate

 

 

Let the children know that you are happy when they have a good, loving time with their other parent

 

 

Kids can really get on your nerves at a time like this, and single parenting is enough to overwhelm any normal person. You are not Superman or Mary Marvel, and kids are not designed to be raised by one lone person. You need help and support, and you need time off from the kids. Make a point of getting help from family, friends and the many parent support groups and family service agencies throughout the United States. Get references to groups in your area by calling temples, churches or social service agencies.