The Power
Of Good Sex

How important to a woman is good sex in a relationship? It varies enormously from person to person, but it is almost certainly more important than she lets on.
If you define sex in narrow terms, as stimulation of each other's loins, then sex is unimportant to a few, but important to many. Lack of sexual satisfaction, writes one reader, "makes me a WITCH." For another, good sex is so important that it's caused her to think twice about her current relationship:

I have the most sensitive, caring, and understanding individual as a boyfriend, and yet sex is presently only vaguely passable. My previous boyfriend, however, had little in common with me, preferred his books to anything I could offer and had very little intellectual respect for me. But sex with him was great; "gasping for more" springs to mind... I'm fearful that my lack of sexual fulfillment will turn me away from a man I love to someone who makes me cry but who can make me come in five seconds.

If you define sex in the way that women tend to see it-as the whole loving and emotional experience, from the first kiss, the touching, the closeness, right on through to the moment you lie side by side together afterward, then 99.9 percent of women want this very badly.

Sylvia, who is in her early fifties, writes frankly of her own marriage:

My husband has rather lost interest in sex no matter how I try and tempt him. I do get really annoyed sometimes when he doesn't respond. I have very often felt very desperate because, although he is a considerate lover, he is not very demonstrative and if he were more "physical" in the touching and kissing first, I'm sure it would be better. I have tried to explain that I need him to "love me" just by kissing me and touching me, but he is rather shy about anything to do with feelings at all. He has never been as keen on sex as I am, but he is getting worse, and I must admit some of the men at work look very tempting on some days!

A man doesn't have to be a big performer to make his partner happy. Even if penetrative sex is off the menu, there are plenty of other techniques that give great pleasure. There's not a woman on earth who doesn't regard kissing and embracing and lying in each other's arms as something highly pleasurable. Good sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but bad sex or no sex is often the cause of it breaking up.

It's not hard for a man to become a good lover. You don't have to acquire a sophisticated "technique." On the contrary, the self-styled Sexpert is a menace whom women are eager to avoid. He's the man who has "got women all figured out" (as he most likely puts it). He's had success (apparently) with scores of women, and now applies the same methods of lovemaking to all of them. He's not open to suggestion, and always thinks he knows best. Here is an example of one such abomination, described by his girlfriend:

I'm twenty-four and my boyfriend is thirty-three. Before we got together I had no problem with having orgasm. I tried to tell him what I like and what it would take for me to reach an orgasm, but every time I've tried he informs me that he's had more sexual experience than I have and he should know better than I what it takes to please a female. None of my other lovers had any problems with making me reach the orgasm platform.

All the good lover needs is, not technique, but a willingness to listen and to learn...

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