Who ate my soulmate? 11 secrets to rekindling the fire before it burns out

Turn a stalemate into a soulmate!
1. Make a big deal: You can easily turn a stalemate into a soulmate. Remember those times when your loved one used to do those DAILY, random acts of kindness, which now have become MONTHLY, if not YEARLY, acts of CHARITY. Get ready, next time your stalemate does his/her monthly acts of charity (taking you out, etc) make a big deal about it. Compliment them and show a tremendous amount of appreciation. Similar to that of a little child after opening Santa's gift on Christmas day. They will be compelled to repeat the appreciated behavior more often.

2. Give the greatest gift: Just like a camp fire where logs need to be constantly added to keep the fire alive, your relationship's fire needs those logs of attention or else the flame, the passion, will run out. You probably know how an inattentive audience can eat the confidence of a performer like a parasite. Likewise, your inattentiveness can chew your soulmate's enthusiasm and passion like a cancer chews on white cells. Be an attentive audience to your soulmate by turning off cell phones, unplugging house phones, faxes, TVs and radios while you are spending time with him/her.

3. Spend time together:
We frequently confuse doing laundry, taking the car to the mechanic, going grocery shopping or taking the children to the park as spending time together. Time together is a specific time where you and your soulmate are doing something that you BOTH enjoy doing as a leisure and it is NOT a chore. People tend to avoid chores. If you make your relationship into one, it will be avoided as well.

4. Become interesting:
The only way to become interesting to others is by becoming interested in them. Sure, it's great to share all of your great accomplishments that you have achieved throughout the day, but this won't be as interesting to them as their own accomplishments. Skip how great you are and focus on how great your soulmate is and you will become a very interesting person to be around of. This will make them feel important. If you refuse to have them experience that sense of importance, they will go elsewhere to find it.

5. Do something different: People get bored of routines. The reason that new relationships are so wonderful is because there is a sense of newness to everything you do together. After a while, that sense of newness needs to be generated. Take a weekend road trip to another state, visit a new restaurant in another town, or interview friends about what they do for their pastime; you might find some healthy things that you can incorporate to your list of fun things to do. Make newness a goal of your relationship or your relationship might become a boring routine.

6. Postpone your anger: Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. As Albert Einstein once said, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Postpone dealing with what angers you today until tomorrow; you will be more objective and save yourself the regret of hurting someone you care for. After all, who likes to be around an angry guard dog for life? If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred years of sorrow.

7. Be playful: As Plato once said, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." If you add some playtime to your relationship, you will connect with your significant other on a deeper level, which can make a difference in the way he/she relates to you. Who doesn't like to be part of a playful environment? Think of three ways to be more playful in your relationship. Then, implement them today.

8. Do unto others: The golden rule of "Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you" does not always apply. At times, you do things to a significant other that you would enjoy, if someone would do them to you, but your loved one might hate those things. A good rule to follow is do unto others as others want to be done unto. While being the center of the world can make you feel important, it might turn off your soulmate who is more intimate and reserved. Find out from your soulmate, what is it that he/she wants? Then do onto him/her as he/she wants to be done onto.

9. Exemplify, don't criticize: There has never been a statue erected to honor a critic. Your soulmate will avoid and resent you, if you are constantly criticizing him/her. If you want to correct his/her behavior, do not be critical but rather a model of your desired behavior. Personalize the behavior. Others are more influenced by your behaviors than by your criticism. Remember what Mahatma Gandhi said, "We must be the change we want to see in the world." What behavior are you going to exemplify today?

10. Soulmate day: While it's nice to celebrate your anniversary every year, it's even nicer to celebrate it every month. Why not give each other an excuse to celebrate and do fun things together more often. Separate a day out of the week and label it SOULMATE DAY. Make it a necessity for you to spend that day with your significant other doing something fun. Remember, fun elongates the life of your relationship. A relationship without fun can become as lifeless as a cemetery.

11. Create a welcoming environment: If you ever visited an unwelcoming restaurant, chances are you never went back to it. No one would. Yet we frequently create those unwelcoming environments at home for our significant others, when we scold, nag and pick on them. It is an unwelcoming environment that has our soulmates wanting to spend more time away with friends or, even worse, with any other person who can create what we refuse to create -- a more pleasant, welcoming environment. What three things can you start or stop doing to create a more welcoming environment? Do them TODAY.