Ten ways to stay strong and healthy after a big break-up

Posted in Love & Sex / Divorce & Breakups / Breakups

The end of a relationship is downright difficult, even if you are the one who ended it. Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg, authors of Not Your Mother's Divorce, offer some tips to get you through.

1. Take pride in the small accomplishments: "I went to work, I answered the phone, I sent a fax." Try not to dwell too much on The Future, but rather take one day and one moment at a time until things in your life stabilize.

2. Start a journal (if you haven't already) so that you can record your chaos-inspired poetry, rants, speeches to your ex, new philosophies on life and love, etc. You may produce some of your best thinking to date. Really.

3. Rock out the new routines. The early period after a break-up is a great time to discover (or rediscover) what makes you tick. Explore the hobbies you love but haven't had time for whilst with Mr Wrong.

4. Fast-forward six months or more. Although it may feel like you are never going to enjoy life and/or find someone to love again, keep in mind that you are in an altered, "post-break-up" state of mind right now and that, with time, you will return to a happier and more stable version of yourself.

5. Reach out and call someone. Let all your good friends and family know you are single again and to invite you to anything and everything. It's important to marshal your social network at this time to keep you afloat and give you the support you need during the rough patches.

6. Do the things your ex loathed and relish doing them! Watch "The Bachelor" if he hated it. Blare that Beth Orton song if he thought she sounded whiney. Do whatever you couldn't do when he was around and do it with a little jig because you can now do it all you want!

7. Get into shape. Avoid the self-destructive tendencies that can arise after a break-up, such as drinking too much and going out all the time, and instead use the new time you have on your hands to get fit. Exercise can allow you to feel like you are taking care of yourself and becoming strong.

8. Indulge in little pleasures. Go for it, get a mani and a pedi. Draw yourself a bubble bath every night after work, get a twice-weekly massage, or do whatever feels like the most delicious guilty pleasure you can think of. It's important to rediscover your immense capacity for joy during this period.

9. Cleanse and purge. Now is also a great time to embrace your inner cleaning lady and scour your place from floor to ceiling -- symbolically, this can do wonders for the spirit.

10. Be phenomenally accepting of yourself. It sounds trite, but go with the flow. Break-ups are always difficult and heart-breaking, and you're bound to feel off-kilter and act a little strange some of the time. Learn the critical importance of forgiving and having deep and abiding compassion for yourself. Keep the faith that things will get better and saner with time.

Comments

Comments on "Ten ways to stay strong and healthy after a big break-up"

I came here seeking advice and comfort and I found it. Not in the article, but in the comments. The end of any relationship hurts but after reading some of your situations, I realise mine is not as bad as I thought and that I AM moving on. Thank you all for sharing. And I genuinely mean it.

I was with my boyfriend since high school for 9 years (I'm 25). We've lived together for 7 years. For a while I felt that he wasn't the one for me because he is a very pessimistic, cynical person. I'm pretty optimistic and easy going. Basically, I knew there was someone better out there. Out of the blue a few days ago, he tells me he doesn't want to be with me. I'm in a very confused place because I wanted to break up as well. But I'm completely devastated. He's my best friend, and knowing that I'll never see him again is so completely heartbreaking that I feel like someone died. I can't comprehend the severity of this situation. He's been my life for 9 years. Most of the day I'm very strong and optimistic. Then I become extremely sad. I just want happiness.

ending a relationship with boyfriend of about two years we were engaged in high school and I broke I off when he cheated on me we both went our separate ways and got married to others and divorced and got back together. Went through a lot to be together the second time around but just isn't meant to be... will always love him but sometimes it is better to be alone, no matter how painful it is, than to be with someone you know will only hurt you more.. Doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with though...

Stay strong and do not give up hope everyone!. I too just got canned again from a 6 year on and off relationship. Every new break up has been easier and easier on me. It was like a gradual release from her. I currently feel worried about the future and what it holds for me. I take comfort in the fact that other people are going through situations like mine.

FWxBn7 Major thankies for the post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

My relationship of 2.5 years has come to an end and we also have a child together. I feel as if I'm hitting every single "do not" there is. Being that i don't see him grieving I feel he doesn't care about me nor our child. I'm so unsure of what to do anymore I'm looking all over the internet for answers.

Guys get broken hearts too...No disrespect to women but I'm a guy n I'd like to hear from a guys point of view!

Thank you for this article, I really need it, just found out my husband of 6 years cheated on me with a STRIPPER!!! We have 3 beautiful children together, and he goes and throws it all away for a damn mistake. This is not the first time I have found out though, and do I feel like a fool for taking him back the last time (1 year ago). I read somewhere that once they cheat, you take them back, they feel comfortible cheating, and will do it again, and now know how to get away with it. Well, NOT anymore. Implanning on moving out soon, with my kids and currently doing ALOT of research to help me stay strong during this hard time. I will never love again, Ive been hurt too many times, and am convinced that no man can be with ONE woman for the rest of his life!! Oh well.

Great article. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years, the decade of my 20's and he decided that he was co-dependent on me and needs space. I moved from FL to NY to support him with his band, set aside school to make it in NY and now I'm 30, and expect to be single soon. I haven't eaten in 3 days and I don't know if I will ever be hungry again. I'm going to write down these 10 ways and keep them in my pocket. Thank you,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I'm trying to stay strong. This article is helpful. Thank you.

I really needed this. I was in a 5 1/2 year relationship with a guy and we had two kids together. Planned on getting married and everything. Bought a house new cars and he found a new woman. Had me become a stay at home mo And take everything and put it in his name. He met her when I was pregnant with my son and she became my friend. I confided in her with everything only to be set up and backstabbed. They at now living together and it's only been 6 months since we split. I had to get my own place my own car and everything. The hardest part of it all is swing him everyday and dealing with the fact that I had a huge beautiful house I helped get and am now in a two bedroom apartment with two kids. Who don't have room to play or a yard to play in. I wish it would just hurry up and gt easier!!

This is a really great article. My boyfriend and I broke up after a year of the greatest relationship I've ever had..well until about a month ago when he started acting like every other prick. How can men change so drastically but us females are usually genuine the whole way. He kept saying "people change" blah blah. I'm in the angry stage right now, and the crazy thing is he admitted he would never find another girl to replace me or love him like I did. Hes a idiot. My biggest fear now is never being able to find someone who is a actual nice guy.

I am trying to gain the courage to keep away from my boyfriend. We have a child together and the visitation thing just hurts to think about. He is a very angry person, quick to yell. My daughter says her head hurts when he yells at me. He also disappears and doesn't come home when he says he will. He is a very selfish person. He is a great charmer and can worm his way back into my life easily though, and I am praying for the courage to stay away!

my boyfriend broke-up with me after being together for 1year. Its more than 6months after he left and it still hurts. I have tried most of the above points. It helps to an extent but this hurt disappears only pregressively.And i guess in some cases it takes really long.What troubles me the most are the zillions of questions which have no answers that keep coming up in loops in my mind.Its terrible to go through that. The why's, how's, when's..

I have dealt with lying and cheating for the past 10 years. I have always pushed down the fact that we will always be at square zero. We will never do "skys the limit" like getting married, or buying our first house or just be happy and content with each other. By the way, I have 2 girls and they have seen enough! Today, the same girl that he has cheated on me before, is calling his cell phone again. I can no longer accept this and so for the millionth time I have thrown him out! Only God can make me know that being with him one more time will result in the same bull that I have put up for 10 years only 15 and 20 and 25 years will go by and I will have nothing!!!!

Wow, that's horrible! You have a baby together and he left you for another woman? What the hell is wrong with him? What is his name? I will avoid anyone with that name.

Thank You so much for the advice. Me and my fiancee just broke up after two years, and and 1 baby later. He left me for another woman, but God loves me more then he will ever love me.