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You should know a thing or two about squirting

Stefanie Iris Weiss is the author of Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable and 8 other books. She keeps her carbon footprint small in New York City, where she writes about sexuality, sustainability, su...

Ladies and gentlemen, squirting isn't what you think it is

Squirting has officially been a thing for a few years now — mostly thanks to the ubiquity of porn. Whether you’ve done it spontaneously or have never heard of this popular sexual activity, I want to bust some myths before I get anywhere near the "how-tos."

Female ejaculation is not a party trick and it’s not something you should do because your boyfriend wants you to. Taking that a step further — you shouldn’t do anything in bed because your partner thinks it’s cool, or because he wants to show off his sexual prowess.

More: Everyone is a little sexually fluid, including you

Sometimes sexual trends are just that — trends. You don’t have to rock the sexual equivalent of this year’s patchwork skirt — it’s not a look that works for everyone. Squirting entered the sexual lexicon in the last few years and has gone rather mainstream. (We know this because of how often it’s searched on PornHub.) A lot of (mostly young) men are really excited about what it means — for them — if they can make their partner squirt. The question is — are you curious about what it means for you?

Remember, if you haven’t done it yet and don’t plan to, you’re not necessarily missing out — but on the other hand, it could be your sexual holy grail. If you have tried it and felt "meh" about it — that’s perfectly fine, too.

What squirting actually is

So, what is squirting, exactly? Scientists are still a bit confused about what’s happening inside the vagina during "female ejaculation" — or colloquially speaking, squirting. When women experience spontaneous squirting, which happens more often than you may think, they often feel like they’ve peed (because so much liquid is expelled). This can lead to major embarrassment, especially for younger, less sexually experienced women. Rest assured — squirting is not peeing.

Even though it’s still unclear exactly what’s in female ejaculate, one thing we know is that it’s not urine, even though it can occasionally have some urine mixed in.

The other major squirting myth is that it’s the equivalent of an orgasm, or always happens simultaneously with an orgasm. That’s certainly not the case. Squirting can happen before, during and after an orgasm, but it sometimes it does happen at the same time, which can cause an intense sensation of pleasure and release.

More: Lessons learned from 31 days of orgasms

Although research is nil (scientists, please get with the program), squirting is thought to be the result of liquid coming from the Skene’s glands, which come through the urethra — this is why there is a lot of confusion related to peeing in the realm of squirting.

OK, I'm ready to squirt — how do I get there?

Squirting seems to happen when the G-spot is stimulated at the same time as the clitoris. Ladies, your G-spot is NOT a myth, but you might have trouble finding it, because not all women have access to their G-spot. If you’ve tried with toys or your partner, but can’t seem to locate it — there’s nothing wrong with you! The vast majority of women orgasm solely from clitoral stimulation — and that’s perfect as it is.

If your G-spot is accessible, it’s most likely found on the upper wall (closest to the belly) of the vagina, near the opening. Your partner can easily find it by making a “come here” signal with his or her pointer finger while it’s inside of you. Toys can also get to this spot, and sometimes (but rarely) the penis can hit it in the right place. This will entirely be a matter of how you and your partner "fit" together, and again, if he or she doesn’t hit you in that spot — there’s nothing wrong with either of you. But this kind of targeted arousal of clit and G-spot at the same time tends to be the thing that gets women squirting.

One of the major keys to squirting is relaxation — it’s very hard to do if you’re tense. You also need to be genuinely aroused — very aroused. So, this is something you should only attempt with a partner that you feel very comfortable with, and it’s worth talking about beforehand. It’s also wise to put down some towels, because you could create something of a tsunami on the mattress. (Not all women expel that much liquid, though — you might just have a small amount.) Also — empty your bladder (you should always do this before and after sex, no matter what.) Again, squirting is not peeing, but in order to squirt, you should bear down (as if you’re about to urinate!) while getting close to orgasm.

More: I learned to have a better orgasm from a virtual vagina and so can you

If you try this and you don’t squirt, but it feels divinely awesome — why stop doing it? You’ve just found a new way to experience pleasure, and that’s a win no matter what. You might also find, with practice, that squirting eventually happens. Like with all things sexual, you never know until you try (and try again). It might happen once and not again, or it might happen after trying a bunch of times — like an orgasm, it’s not necessarily something you can be certain of — you just have to be open to it.

Goal-oriented sex can make you feel really bad about sex, especially if you don’t meet your intended goals. So remember that not everyone can, or should, squirt. Your pleasure can come entirely from elsewhere. Some women love to squirt as an adjunct to their orgasms because it provides a sense of release that they’ve never felt before. But you’re not some women — you’re you.

Do you squirt? Do you plan to try it out with your partner? Please share your most slippery thoughts in the comments, to help us celebrate the #summerofsex.

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