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JoJo's obsession with passion could keep her from finding love

My work as a marriage and family therapist in Scottsdale, Arizona helps to  instill hope and change through the use of techniques including: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Parenting Skills Training, and Brief Solution focused therapy. I u...

Focusing on fairy-tale love may keep the The Bachelorette single

This week The Bachelorette left for Argentina, and JoJo talked about how traveling together offers the perfect setting to fall in love. She spent a lot of time discussing how love needs passion to be fairy-tale worthy, but I have to wonder why she makes that correlation.

More: The Bachelorette made me realize we need a refresher on dating etiquette

"Does the passion have to go away?" JoJo and Wells, her first one-on-one date, fumble through an awkward discussion where she asks him about his ex-girlfriend, which was probably not the most necessary conversation on a first date. He talks how they lost the spark and became just friends, which ended the relationship. He seems a bit uncomfortable, and the conversation doesn't flow easily between them.

JoJo and Wells share their ideas about relationships and love, and they find they think differently. JoJo tells him that she believes in a fairy-tale love and questions why passion has to fade. She thinks everyone deserves to find that type of love and doesn't give Wells a rose because she thinks he is too skeptical.

JoJo then spends time with Luke during a group date. She confides to the camera that she and Luke have passion and a very emotional relationship. So, according to what she's looking for, Luke might be a better match for her. Personally, I feel that she — and others — might be missing out on some great relationships if they won't settle for anything less than constant passion.

More: The Bachelorette offers fairy-tale romances — not real-life partnerships

While passion and chemistry can be important qualities in a relationship, the fairy-tale aspect might be difficult to find and maintain. Real relationships have different levels of passion at different times, due to the natural movement of life and the changes that occur. Couples who lose passion might replace it with other qualities that are just as important, like friendship. Having a best friend as a partner is a big positive.

This also holds true on first dates that don't bring fireworks and sparks. Not every guy is a romantic prince courting his princess with elaborate dinners under candlelight in gorgeous locations. Sometimes the nicest men are just kind, caring and sweet guys you meet on an awkward coffee date during the work week. A real connection doesn't need to be based solely on passion. Sometimes the fire you once felt lessens, but it can also increase as time goes on. Just because the passion might be lackluster, there can be other elements that might be more important to find such as dedication, being a good father or a hard worker.

Maybe someone who brings you coffee in the morning shouldn't be overlooked. A relationship built on trust, love and kindness might not seem as passionate as a fairy tale, but it might be better and more real in the end.

More: The Bachelorette needs to learn the difference between chemistry and attraction

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