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7 things a bride should never ask of her bridesmaids

When she's not writing, Claire Gillespie can most often be found wiping snotty noses, picking up Lego, taking photos of her cat or doing headstands.

Avoid the bridezilla tag by treating your bridesmaids right

Along with the honor of being a bridesmaid come certain duties. These depend on the bride and how traditional or high-maintenance she is, but basically, her bridesmaids are at her beck and call in the run-up to the wedding and on the big day.

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But there are some things a bride should never ask her bridesmaids to do. We're taking serious bridezilla territory here.

1. Change how you look

A bridesmaid revealed on Reddit recently that the bride had asked her to dye her hair because her ginger tresses were too "attention-grabbing." The demanding bride wanted her to make them a "natural brown" to fit in with the other bridesmaids. We can only echo the views of hundreds of Reddit users who told this bridesmaid to stand her ginger ground.

A bride who asks her bridesmaids to change their physical appearance in any way (whether the request is to drop a few pounds before the wedding, cover up tattoos or change their hair color) needs a serious reality check. Brides don't get a veto over every aspect of their bridesmaids' appearances. It doesn't matter if the bride is willing to pay for the dye job/personal trainer/plastic surgery.

2. Not change how you look

Equally, a bride can't ask her bridesmaids not to change their physical appearance. Most maids would probably wait until after the wedding to get that huge shoulder tattoo or bleached-blonde buzz cut. But if someone decides they absolutely have to make that radical change, the bride just has to go with it. Bridesmaids are chosen for their loyalty and friendship, not for how they look.

3. A bridal shower to end all bridal showers

If a bride wants a bridal shower worthy of a Hollywood A-lister (with the budget to match), she has to plan and pay for it herself. Traditionally, bridesmaids organize the shower and meet the cost, so the bride gets what they can afford. Remember, it really is the thought that counts.

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4. Ditto for the bachelorette party

The same rule applies to the bachelorette party. If the bride has her heart set on a week-long, no-expense-spared blowout in Vegas, that's fine — but if the maids can't afford it, she's gonna have to be happy with a smaller-scale do. Unless the bride wants to plan and pay for the whole thing herself, she has to hand the reins over to her bridesmaids and let them plan the guest list, decide on the location and arrange the activities based on their budget.

5. Not have an opinion on the bridesmaid's dress

It's the bride's big day, but if she wants happy maids, she has to let them have their say in what they are wearing. Hopefully, everyone will be on the same page, but if there are several bridesmaids, it can be tricky to find a style of dress that suits (and pleases) everyone. Everyone should have their say, and the bride should do her best to accommodate her maids' preferences — within the parameters of her chosen theme/colors, of course. Also, maids should always be consulted about budget before the bridal party even sets foot in the bridal store. A bridesmaid shouldn't have to max out her credit card to pay for an expensive dress.

6. Give up their own lives

Yes, it's the bride's day. The focus should be on her (and, hey, let's not forget the groom). It's natural for a bride to think about nothing else in the run-up to her wedding. But after the wedding is over, she's going to want to still have friends, so she needs to be a good friend herself. This means giving the wedding chat a break for a couple of hours to check in with the maids and find out what's happening in their lives.

7. Confront another bridesmaid who's not pulling her weight

Not all bridesmaids are created equal. Some will throw themselves whole-heartedly into the tasks assigned by the bride, while others will be less reluctant to sacrifice their free time to wedding-related assignments. But if a bride is pissed at one of her maids' lack of effort, it's up to her to deal with it, not pass the buck to another maid. Who wants in-fighting among bridesmaids? That doesn't bode well for a harmonious wedding day, and forced smiles never look good in photographs. If a bridesmaid doesn't seem enthusiastic about her role or isn't pulling her weight, the bride should speak to her directly, and never in front of the other maids.

More: How to not hate being a bridesmaid

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