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Why some women orgasm easier than others (#blessed)

Ally Hirschlag is a producer/actor/writer who lives in Brooklyn, NY and buys way too many toys for her cats. She contributes to several publications, including Bustle, and The Nerve, and enjoys writing about all things woman. In her spar...

Why you may not get off from penetration but your best friend does

Do you find that you're all about having your partner go down on you, but when it comes time for actual intercourse, you could take it or leave it? Then you're probably one of the many, many women who don't easily get off from traditional sex.

More: Multiple orgasms are totally possible using this trick

Meanwhile, there's this other sect of ladies who climax within minutes of being penetrated. If you have friends who talk openly about this magical orgasm ability, it might make you feel like there's something inherently wrong with you. Why do their bodies work the way we're all told they should, while yours doesn't? This insecurity can upset any relationship by making guys feel their equipment isn't enough and ladies feel like they're internally broken. Let's put a stop to that right now (again).

Fortunately a study just came out in the Journal of Clinical Anatomy that explains why penile penetration works so well on some women and not so well on others. Basically there's nothing wrong with women who can't reach their Os through penetration — it's just that their equipment is slightly different.

The study, conducted by the Indiana University School of Medicine and the Mayo Clinic, was a meta-analysis of a bunch of other studies on sexual dysfunction. That sounds bad, I know, but let me explain. They were trying to pinpoint physical variations in men and women that might impede hitting that magical G-spot that pushes us over the climax edge.

The first thing they found was what we already know — the vagina is way more complicated than the penis and is thus harder to please (there's an analogy here that's too easy to make). While all women have a clitoris (which is essentially Orgasm Graceland), not all women have one that is receptive to penile penetration, because of where it sits in the vagina.

Apparently there is a clitoris sweet spot — aka a perfect distance between where the clitoris sits in conjunction to the opening of the urethra — that allows for maximum orgasm potential. “It is suggested that 2.5 cm from clitoris to urethral meatus is the demarcation in predicting whether or not a woman is likely to have successful orgasms,” the researchers wrote. For illustrative reference, that's about the length of a Swedish Fish. That length can vary in women from 1.6 centimeters to up to 4.5 centimeters.

More: Orgasmic meditation is the new yoga — only way better

According to the researchers, the greater that distance is, the harder it will be for a woman to orgasm through penetrative sex. However, there's a big caveat to this notion. Apparently this distance issue is not a thing when it comes to masturbation, which, as we all know, often includes a penetrative aspect. This suggests that it has more to do with the angle of a penis when it's doing the penetrating versus the angle of a finger or other sexual tool when one is self-pleasuring.

Which brings us to the often mythical-seeming G-spot. Like the clitoris, the G-spot can be harder to find in some women than in others. However, the researchers of this clinical study fervently believe it's there; it just doesn't look the same in everyone. “Perhaps every woman has her own constellation of pudendal nerve branching that creates her own, personal G-spot location," write the authors. So that's kind of cool, right? It's like we all have these unique sexual star charts going on inside us, and only the right sort of stimulation sets off an orgasmic meteor shower.

More: How women get 'blue balls' and what it feels like

As such, here's what you can do if you're determined to get off via penile penetration: experiment. Try a bunch of different positions, perhaps ones you never thought in a million years would get you to your O. It's all about finding the right angle — some women's G-spots might be triggered through rear penetration, while others can only hit it through the dolphin position (see your Kama Sutra). Think of your clitoris like a Rubik's Cube — you'll only solve it if you try every iteration, which, unlike the Rubik's Cube, will be tons of fun.

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