Quick: What's the worst thing that could happen to your wedding ring before the big day? You'll probably say lose it, but that's nowhere near the worst thing that could happen.
Just ask one Reddit user — with a NSFW screen name we can't repeat on here — who posted a story in the TIFU (Today, I Fucked Up) subreddit.
The Redditor and his best friend "Doug" have been close since middle school, and he was asked to be the best man. He gladly accepted.
"Fast forward ten years to this past weekend, at Doug and his fiancée's 300 person wedding. Big church, religious ceremony, the whole nine," he wrote. "He gives me the ring to hold when we're waiting in the wings — I'm supposed to keep it in my pocket. We were up drinking pretty late, last night as a free man style, and we're all jittery and a little hungover on top of the wedding nerves, so Doug whispers to be careful with it."
This instantly makes the hungover best man nervous and he starts "envisioning fumbling and dropping the ring into a crack in the ground or something." Without thinking, he inexplicably put it in his mouth. The groom noticed, horrified, and told him to take it out of his mouth. "And as I did, I had one of those half-barf hiccup-belches, and I involuntarily swallowed."
Oh. My. God. If there was an award for "worst wedding moment ever," this would be it.
But it gets worse.
"The show went on, and we did this weird thing where I pretended to hand him the ring and he pretended to put it on the bride's finger," he continued, adding that they're going to redo the whole thing next month with the ring.
Back to the ring. Where is it?
"I've been sifting through my feces for the last two days, and the really best part is that, due to a combination of stress and rich wedding weekend food/boozing, I'm completely constipated," he said. "My days are now spent pooping into a wire mesh thing called a speci pan, carefully picking apart these dense little shame turds to find my (possibly former) best friend's 8k wedding ring."
So, rest easy: Whatever happens at your wedding will pale in comparison to this.
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