Let’s be clear about something: When it comes to dating and relationships, “comfort” is very different from “not caring.” That feeling is reflected in the effort — or lack thereof — that you put into your relationship. Comfort contributes to the deepening and strengthening of your relationship, not caring will cause the end of it.
Sexy married mom Eva Mendes once tweeted her belief that sweats are the number one cause of divorce, and while, yes, always wearing sweats can be indicative of a bigger relationship problem, they can in fact contribute to an even stronger connection.
It’s all about the type of sweats you wear.
Again, comfort is very different from not caring. Comfort is essential to a relationship because it shows you trust the other person and can be yourself around them. Wearing comfy, even sexy or cute, sweats can in fact be a major turn-on. On the other hand, nasty, holey, unsexy, smelly sweats are indeed an indicator that you no longer care, as evidenced by the fact that you are unwilling to put in any effort.
It can be one piece of a bigger picture — a picture that includes not shaving, not wearing makeup, not brushing your teeth, always wearing period panties, not caring about your body shape or health, not showering and not putting in the effort to turn on (or at least not turn off) your partner. That can turn into not wanting to have sex, which can create resentment, insecurity, even cheating.
The real relationship killer is your lack of effort.
Yes, people say relationships take work. But work tends to have a negative connotation. Sometimes simply a change of word choice can make for a complete attitude adjustment. For instance, change the word work for effort. Relationships require effort. You're busy, you're tired, you have things to do, places to go, people to see. Plus, you desperately need some "me" time. You also need to make the decision to put energy and time into your man. Sometimes that energy and time means shaving your legs, brushing your teeth or putting on some makeup. Don't find the time — make the time.
It's great that you’re comfortably in love and within that love you are comfortable wearing pajamas, putting your hair up in a messy ponytail and being completely, authentically you. That's liberating! It allows your walls to come down and for you to truly be seen, appreciated and loved for who you are. More than that, it shows your partner you feel safe with him, that you trust him with you.
All that being said, comfort isn't a replacement for sexy. It's a complement, an addition, an opportunity for a deeper, more substantive connection that can even allow for more sexiness. Because once you're that comfortable, your sexy opportunities are limitless — because you trust each other — which means you can really get wild.
Let your comfort and your “knowing” that your man loves you and would never cheat on you liberate your sexy side. Snuggle in, hold his hand, kiss his cheek. Flirt with him. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean he's suddenly blind and forgets how good it feels to have someone make an effort to make him feel sexy — yes, he also needs to feel sexy. Why do you think there are so many workplace affairs? Because that woman in the office who flirts and puts an effort into her appearance makes your man feel interesting and smart. Then he comes home to you, and you're still in your ratty sweats, you haven't brushed your teeth, and you all but ignore him.
Sweats can be very sexy! The right sweats. As can a baggy sweater — the right baggy sweater. I talk more about it on KTLA Morning News here.
He’s still a man, he still has eyes, and he is still a visual creature — one who wants to be turned on by his partner. I'm not saying you always have to be dressed up, hair and makeup done and lounging around in lingerie. But you should at least make the effort to look decent, and even sexy on occasion. Even better if you wear sweats that are comfy and sexy. Then you both win!
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