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Old-school dating tips that will help your love life

My work as a marriage and family therapist in Scottsdale, Arizona helps to  instill hope and change through the use of techniques including: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Parenting Skills Training, and Brief Solution focused therapy. I u...

Why dating the old-school way might be the best way to find love

Dating has its trials and tribulations, but add technology to that mix and things really get confusing. Looking back to what dating looked like even 20 years ago, it is quite different from current times — and much faster in pace. I thought it would be interesting to look at some dating concepts from the past and reinforce their powers in today’s tech-rich dating scene to help singles find love

.More: Why technology might actually be making dating worse

The 1990s and even early 2000s were a time when dating meant calling a potential date by phone, leaving a message on their answering machine and waiting hours — maybe an entire day — before receiving a return phone call on your land line or rotary dial phone. There was no quick text or instant validation that your message was received or responded to. There was a waiting period where most people just went about their business until speaking to the person on the telephone if and when the other returned the phone call.

In today’s fast-paced digital world, an instant text, message or dating app will send a message at the speed of light, and you could have instant gratification that the person is responding and the uncanny ability within all hours of the day or night to respond. For some purposes, this is great, but for other reasons, the technology of communication has changed the way we date — not always for the better.

The phone call

Such a simple thing — the ability to connect to someone voice to voice. That's pretty much an ancient concept in today’s rapid-fire dating world, where Tinder and online apps have taken over with quick swipes and fast messages, which cause a lot of extra anxiety. The negative side to all of this technology is the loss of human connection that a phone call brings to new potential daters or even people in established relationships. The idea of the old-school phone call is becoming passé, but bring back the voice connection, and all relationships would benefit — new and old.

More: How Tinder ignores personal chemistry for instant online attraction

Old-school dating tip: Use the phone — and be patient

It's not always easy waiting for someone to return your call. Patience is a virtue and reduces anxious moments in the waiting-and-wondering stage of dating.

The traditional date

Back in the old days, dating didn't offer numerous options, especially quick dates — including massive numbers of them where you are running from meeting this person to the next online app match — that take place sometimes in the same day! The past appeared to be a more thoughtful time, since you might only have one date in the month if you did not get out to the bar, be set up or meet someone in real life.

Today a date is fairly easy to achieve; just log into an online dating site or an app, and — bam! — a date materializes as quickly as you can sign in. Back when online dating did not exist, how did dates occur? You had to really value the date you had, as replacing them when you got home and logged into an online dating service was not an option. You had to value the time and the person. It made you really think about what you had in common and put effort into that experience.

Old-school dating tip: Value the date in front of you

Appreciate the thought of the date, and do not quickly jump back to on online dating to replace it. Slow down, and be mindful at all times.

These two tips will most likely help you to brush up on your dating habits. Remember, there is no replacement for voice-to-voice contact. It builds relationships, and misunderstandings are less likely to occur. Value the date you are on. Don’t think about running home and logging into those dating sites to find more options. The more thoughtful you are, the better your chances at love.

More: Why even small lies on your online dating profile mean big trouble

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