This is exactly the dilemma one Reddit user brought to the site. Her boyfriend bought her what appeared to be a perfect diamond ring in a Cartier box. But then she found out the truth. It was cubic zirconia. And the whole thing was a lie. See the post below:
so my fiancee Mark (30/m) and I have been together for two years. Two months ago, he asked me to marry him and he gave me a beautiful Cartier engagement ring. I was really excited and of course I said yes. It was a beautiful ring and I was excited to be marrying the man I love.
The other day (Mark and I work together) I overheard two co-workers talking about Mark. Someone mentioned that Mark "make so much money but he didn't even give his girlfriend a real ring". The person asked for clarification and it turns out that Mark bought a Cartier box off of Ebay then bought a CZ ring to put in the box.
I didn't want to believe it, then I took my ring to a jeweler to get it checked. My ring is essentially worthless. It isn't anywhere near a diamond.
Mark is on business right now. I'm so upset I haven't answered any of his calls or texts. I don't know what to say. Am I wrong for being this upset? I'm honestly starting to think this is a deal breaker. He's so cheap and stingy with his money but at least I thought he'd buy me a good ring when I know he can afford it. What should I do??
TL;DR: Boyfriend bought me a fake engagement ring and put it in a Cartier box to pass it off. Bragged to people we work with about what he did. I'm hurt and furious and honestly considering throwing that fake cheap ring at his face."
It is hard to know what the woman should or shouldn't do in this case. Most women who are not incredibly shallow would marry their husband if he only gave them a soda pull tab as their ring. But the thing is: A soda pull tab is honest. Two things are wrong about this story. The first, obviously, is the lie. He shouldn't have lied. He should have said he couldn't afford a ring and asked her to marry him anyway. The second issue is the one that should bother us more: Why did he think he had to lie? What kind of woman cares so much that her fiance feels like he needs to give her a ring with a brand?
Either way, they have a problem.
When I was 24 and got engaged, I had a friend who also wanted to get engaged. She was a woman who considered herself quite above everyone else in terms of "coolness" and deeply shamed another friend of mine for her "big rock" and asked her if she was embarrassed to wear it. A couple months later, she bullied and bashed her then boyfriend (who had very little money) into going into debt to buy her the ring she wanted. She wasn't so different from other women, it turned out. She wanted the rock she could show off.
So what is wrong with us? Do we really need large diamonds and name brands to validate our love? That seems so silly and wrong. Plus it seems like the wrong reason to marry someone. But a lie is a lie. Personally I would have a very hard time marrying a man who lied like this. What else would he be willing to lie about? It's bad all around. Just a bummer of a way to start "the rest of your life." A marriage built on lies is not a union I'd be willing to enter.
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