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Why do some people seem irresistible to the opposite sex?

Dawn Michael PhD is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Counselor and Certified Clinical Sexologist. Her private practice is located in Thousand Oaks, California.  She earned my Bachelors degree in speech communication at CSUN and a Masters de...

The secret to their charm isn't looks or success. It's confidence... and you can have it, too

How did that "not-so-hot" woman ended up with that "sexy" man, or that not so "not-so-sexy" man hook up with that "smoking hot babe?" The question may seem ridiculous and shallow, but people do wonder, sometimes.

I'll bet I know the quality all those people share: Confidence.

You might think a person's confidence is dependent on looks, education and the ability to produce income — but it goes beyond that. Those may all be factors, to some extent. Society rewards the good-looking, the educated and the successful, after all. But some good-looking and successful people are very insecure, while other people don't check any of the typical boxes, yet have a magnetic assuredness about what they believe and who they are.

In my opinion, confidence in a man is someone who can make me feel safe in all aspects of my life. I can trust him knowing that he can take charge and protect my best interests when needed. He's sure about his feelings and beliefs. He can protect me, and provide for me and my children if need be. He knows he can succeed at anything — and when he puts his mind to it, he has the ability to do so. When he makes a decision, he's confident in that decision. I find these qualities so sexy.

And to me, a confident woman is someone who is satisfied with her appearance, but does not rely on it for success. She is confident in her ability to succeed financially, and secure in her personality and intelligence. She understands herself, and has respect for herself. If something were to happen, she would know how to handle herself or even help others. A confident woman is someone a man could lean on if he needed to, and someone who knows she'd be a capable mother to their children. She is firm in her beliefs and is honest and forthright about her feelings.

Those may not be the exact qualities you want from your mate or are developing in yourself — but no matter your values, being secure in who you are is the key to attractiveness. It's about who you are, and how you present yourself. And it's not bragging or boastful; in fact, a person with confidence does not need to brag or show off. They are quiet about their successes, and show their abilities through actions, not in words.

Best of all: Confidence is attainable. When you can allow yourself to succeed at something you're passionate about, when you're honest with yourself, when you take responsibility for your own actions, when you practice gratitude and kindness to others, and when you learn to love yourself, confidence — and supreme sexiness — are the certain result.

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