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5 Ways to rebuild your life after a bad breakup

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Faith & Spirituality

I'm a psychotherapist & coach in the Hudson Valley. I work with women who want to find more balance and clarity in their lives by empowering them to turn their dreams into reality.

These coping strategies will help you deal with your breakup in a healthy way

Trying to overcome a recent breakup? You have to start by instilling healthy habits in your life. Here are five coping strategies to help you along the way.

1. Find a new replacement “significant other"

Now this is not what you think! What I mean by this is pick a hobby that brings you joy and satisfaction and make that your "new relationship."

Years ago after a bad breakup, I decided that the gym would be my new boyfriend. I had never made time for myself in the relationship and by deciding to now do so, it changed my life. I began feeling better about myself. I made a vow to not let my relationship with the gym become too clingy. I would only go for 30 minutes five days per week. And the other days I would do something else enjoyable like take 30 minutes to sit and read at a coffee shop. Now, my reason for this was not to replace that old relationship with a new relationship, but to instill healthy habits into my life, which is where number two comes in.

2. Break up with anything toxic in your life

When I made this vow to take on a healthier lifestyle, I began to eliminate anything that I found toxic in my life. And this included other unhealthy relationships. I became more aware of the people around me and evaluated whether they brought peace or chaos into my life. I realized that I had a few who created chaos and this is when I parted with them.

3. Start rebuilding

Take time to figure out what you love in life and what makes you happy. Oftentimes while in a relationship you lose sight of the things that make you happy. My advice would be to start at rock bottom. Once toxic things are eliminated, you may not have much left, and this is OK! This is where you can begin feeling comfortable with who you are again. You may have some quiet nights in by yourself. Learn to be comfortable with this. Learn to embrace this and do the things you really love.

I can remember feeling really uncomfortable in the beginning, being alone in my apartment on a Saturday night. But eventually I enjoyed and grew an appreciation for those nights alone being able to explore what I really wanted in life. Now, this is when I began to truly grow into who I am today.

4. Be ready for big changes in you

Once you are on the pathway to rebuilding, you will begin to notice how much more simple your life has become... less drama, less clutter of people/things that really don't matter and a more fulfilled you.

This was when I discovered my passions, applied to graduate schools and got accepted. If I still had clutter in my life, I wouldn't have had the space to figure out what I wanted my future to look like.

5. Acceptance

This is the last step in truly moving on from a relationship and beginning this journey to a healthier you. One day you will wake up and realize how different your life is. You may begin to feel reminiscent of the way things used to be. Whatever you do, please remind yourself that this is normal and a part of the "grieving your old life" process. Once you feel this happening, redirect your mind back to how good you feel in the present moment and how crappy you felt when things were different.

It can be so easy to become nostalgic for even the bad things of the past. Why? Because they were a part of you for so long it became ingrained. Happiness and serenity feel uncomfortable because you aren't used to them. Learn to accept them. Tell yourself, "I must accept the good in my life and not become a slave to my past unhealthy life."

Bonus tip... just stay present.

Think about how good life feels at the moment and stick with that thought. If you can follow these five simple strategies, you will be on the road to a new and improved you in no time!

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