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How Bill Cosby and rape culture are about to end my 8-year relationship

Mary's a transplanted Detroiter and is passionately involved with a host of causes related to technology, diversity, cultural injustice, digestive health awareness, fitness, and under resourced education rights. Hobbies include deejaying...

My partner defends Bill Cosby and it might destroy us

What do you do when your partner is a Cosby caper?

With the latest developments in the Bill Cosby sexual assault allegations making the rounds, I am once again faced with deleting and blocking opinions from colleagues that deny the existence of rape culture. Everything from "he's done so much for black people" to "he's America's dad" doesn't add up as an excuse for a man that has admitted to drugging women and then having sex with them.

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I'm struggling with the image of Bill Cosby in a Huxtable sweater doing his deeds and making the Jell-O Pudding Pop face in the middle of foreplay. It's almost as if my black childhood make-believe family just admitted to having a rapey uncle at the family reunion. Yet as a woman with high values on my sexual freedoms and the protection of such, I can't ignore how disturbing these facts are within my community. What I didn't factor in was that my partner of eight years would defend such problematic behavior. Now I'm laying next to a man that I no longer feel safe with, and I'm questioning if I should keep our relationship going.

I've managed to look past my partner's hyper-hetero back talk when it comes to Caitlyn Jenner. As a black man who grew up in a rich hip-hop culture with a chauvinistic father, I can't blame him for his initial defense of Cosby. I know women that have lied about sexual abuse, and I've stood as a witness in a court case where a friend was facing similar, yet false, charges. I need my partner to understand that women need to feel safe and protected when it comes to anything in their lives.

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No matter how much someone donates to a college or speaks on the value of family, I wouldn't want these acts of selfishness to cover up decades-long behavior that harmed others.

Given Cosby's influence, I really can't understand why he would make so many extremely poor choices outside of having severe mental and emotional issues when it comes to women. I am all about forgiveness when one is honest about their past and willing to make up for their misgivings. But watching the love of my life stand firm in the idea that "He was trapped," "Women are liars," "They knew what the deal was anyway" is a small sign of the similar sick thoughts that Cosby may have displayed as well. I'm scared, sad and facing the reality of ending something I worked hard at for so long in order to ensure a safe place for myself and family I desire.

Looks like America's dad continues to show us key lessons in life after all.

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