First, there are two crucial aspects to talking dirty that you should be aware of, assuming you're a newbie who hasn't tried it yet: It may just prove to be the one magic button you push that drives your boyfriend or spouse from aroused to ecstatic and — forget him for a sec — given how so many women are verbal by nature, you might just talk yourself into the greatest sexual frenzy you've ever experienced.
It's easy to stand back and say you should just let loose and allow your dirtiest thoughts to leak while you're doing the deed — and far more difficult to actually execute this fabulous plan if you're naturally reserved or he's shy and you aren't sure how he'll react.
"For some, talking sexy comes naturally. For others, it is a skill that can be learned," said Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. "The first step is to be willing to do something that might at first feel uncomfortable for you. It can even help you stay present in the moment and be more turned on, making it more likely that you will be aroused and even have an orgasm."
Needle suggests doing your homework even before you hit the sheets by finding hot words that make you feel at ease. "You might want to practice first to see what you are most comfortable saying," she said. "Start out with expressing how you are feeling: 'That feels so good.' If you are comfortable with that, you can add to it with something like 'your penis feels so good inside me…'"
It might seem a little obvious that you're forcing hot talk if you compliment your partner on his "gigantic penis" and tell him you can't handle his "monster" (though I suppose that could provide a great deal of joy to some men). "Talk about how you are feeling in the moment or after what felt good," Needle said. She suggests saying something like, "I loved it when you pulled off my pants and started kissing me all over." In this way, dirty talk can be used to express to your partner what you loved and want to experience again (and again and again).
You don't have to wait until you're in the middle of having sex to say something hot. Send sexy text messages to practice, Needle suggested, which will also allow you to get a feel for what turns your partner on. Stuck for something to say? Needle's suggestions include: "I am so wet thinking about you right now" and "I can't wait for you to walk in the door so I can pull your pants down and drop to my knees."
Relationship expert and author April Masini wants women to stop being their own worst enemy when it comes to sex. In other words, ban the word "slut" from your mind's vocabulary and lose the embarrassment and shame that keep many women from trying new things. "Let go of the fear of sounding silly and try it!" Masini said. "His appreciation will be your cue to continue — or not."
It may be tempting to put all of the emphasis on your partner at first, but Masini says a better approach is to be vocal about your needs and desires. "I want, I like, I love — start your dirty talk with things that have to do with you," Masini said. "This sends him the cue to do the same, and you'll learn about him this way, so you can build on his responses."
Sex is supposed to be fun! Needle reminds us to practice and do what feels good. "But remember, that even if it doesn't come naturally, you may like the sexy or dirty talk once you get started!"
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