When you're not having fun anymore, it's a sign something is wrong. Break out of a rut by exploring each other in a new way. Make an effort to see each other in a different light by doing something you've never done before. One way to push your comfort boundaries is by trying an extreme sport like rock climbing or taking a kick-boxing class together. Reinventing yourselves together creates an opportunity for new levels of bonding and growing.
Being intimate — physically and emotionally — doesn't just keep your mind from wandering. Touching has scientifically proven benefits: Skin-to-skin contact symbolizes safety and trust, calms cardiovascular stress and triggers the release of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes us feel good. It also makes us more supportive and empathetic. Touching is the best drug for lasting relationships.
It might sound unromantic and unspontaneous, but planning ahead for date nights is crucial; otherwise they won't happen. Freeing up the entire night ensures you're both ready to fully give of yourselves, that your minds aren't on anything else and that you're fully present. Pick an activity you're both really excited to do, and have fun!
When you feel inclined to give the cold shoulder, roll your eyes and leave the situation or freak out, take a minute to yourself. Chill, collect yourself, and then come back to your partner and talk about it. It's important to get angry, sad, frustrated — whatever you happen to feel. If you don't ever allow yourself to feel those emotions, then you're not being honest. Let the intensity of the emotion pass, then talk about it with your partner. It's the only way to relieve the feeling. Be present. Be honest. Share with your partner. Strive to have nothing to hide between the two of you.
Expecting someone else to make you happy or taking responsibility for anyone else's happiness isn't being part of a give-and-take relationship. Ideally you're both independent codependents, and you're both willing to take responsibility for each of your respective issues. Translating individual issues onto the relationship (unhappiness for whatever reason — work, family, etc.) is a recipe for trouble. Be ready and willing to call each other out and to help each other whenever it comes to that.
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